Hold up - have you noticed how Tom holds his microphone when he's not using it?! It's a small thing that he does but it DRIVES ME NUTS. He always lazily holds it off to the side.

Come on Tom! Don't get lazy! If Useless Samantha can keep it up - you can too. Besides, Bob Saget is in the wings just waiting to replace your ass.

Everyone's looking great tonight. The camera zooms by the line-up and it goes reaaaallly slow now since there's only 6 couples. Speaking of stretching out things to fill time - each couple gets to dance twice tonight! Once for ballroom and once for Latin.

Up first, MJW... CHUBBERS!!!! She kicked ass last week and she's totally become my favorite! She's an underdog! This week they're doing the Rhumba so Chubbers has to pretend to be super-attracted to Tony...

I know sweetie - we'd feel the same way - but PULL IT TOGETHER!

And then moments later...

OH GOD! I take it all back!!! ABORT ABORT!!!

Chubbers gets confused during rehearsals about whether she's doing the Rhumba or Tango and calls it the "Rumbango"! Indeed! I'd be confused too. I have to admit, I really give the stars credit from here on out - 2 new dances to learn in 6 days!? I'd have a total melt down AND crap a Rumbango.

First they perform their Tango. Chubbers looks great! And it's SO weird to see her all sassy and serious! BUT she's really doing a great job with it! UH OH! However - when I paused it to catch a move - I CAUGHT something!

A LIFT! She's a good 3 inches off the ground! Does this count?! Did I finally catch one?! I hope Carrie doesn't catch it - this was a sass-tastic dance move for Chubbers!

Len comments that he thought MJW had "plateau'd" but tonight she surprised him with her "best dance yet!" Yeah! Bruno thought it was full of passion and disdain. Disdain?! Anyways... Carrie says "You know you've had a rough road..." - yeah - cause of you Vicious Carrie! (OOh! New name!) But she goes on to say she loved it. Me too!! YEAH! I just Rumbangoed in my pants.

Back in the green room, Useless Samantha asks if they're ready for their first 10 - to which both Chubbers and I start to hyperventilate. Don't get her hopes up! The judges come back with... all 9's!! Which is great - but I was kind of hoping for a 10. Damn you Useless Samantha!

Up next, "film and TV star" Cristian and Cheryl. This week they're doing the Viennese Waltz and the Samba - or the "SamBaltz" as Chubbers would put it!

Cristian gives names to the dance moves to help him remember. The "Carrie Ann" is grinding his pelvis - while the "Len"...

Is thrusting his "ahem" forward over and over. EW. We know how he gets votes now. And APPARENTLY someone freeballs it during rehearsals. GROSSSSS.... Wear a cup!

Cristian goes and visits his ADORABLE daughter - she must be adopted. And she can really repeat lines as necessary for the camera - what a cherub. I hope she got script approval.

They then perform their Viennese Waltz. It's pretty romantic. Although the band sounds REALLY weird/off/creepy singing "I'll Make Love to You" by Boyz II Men. It sounds like when Will Ferrel and Cheri Oteri used to do the singing teachers on SNL.

It was a pretty good performance. Cristian looked stressed the whole time though. Bruno thought he looked like "South America's Clark Gable". And Carrie thought he was lacking just a bit of energy. I think if I just danced my ass off and Carrie said that to me - I'd march right over and smack her. Len thought it was nice to watch but wanted to see a more traditional Viennese Waltz. UGH. BORING!

The scores come back with two 8's from Carrie and Len and a 9 from Bruno. A little harsh but Cristian seems pleasant about it - too bad it wasn't Shannon and Derek getting those scores - it would've been a CATEGORY 5 SHIT STORM!!!

Up next, Mark and YAMAGUCHINATOR! Coming off of their PERFECT scores from last week, Mark is a little nervous since he's never made it this far in the competition. It definitely helps when your "star" has respectable star quality and isn't a "Cheetah Girl".

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Posted in Dancing with the Stars by bBitz at 9:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: Snarky on May 7, 2008 09:58 PM.