Testimonials

Kristi takes Mark to an ice rink to help him relieve stress. She skates around like a little gold-medal winning sprite while he falls on his ass the whole time. Then she "ices" him in the face:

"Thanks for the relaxing day... you stupid bitch." (BTW - I also posted this photo as it answers the burning question - boxers or briefs?!)

Kristi goes back to rehearsal and says she can feel "Jason, Mario and Cristian breathing down her neck - but I kind of like it!" WHAT?! Three men breathing down your neck! OH!!! What a hussy. I love how this show's turned her from demure to harlot.

Kristi and Mark then perform their Waltz. They use a prop which is a glittery umbrella:

I knew Mark would figure out a way to use his bedazzler at some point. But on an umbrella?

They do a fantastic job and the dance is super sweet and graceful. My only fault is that they missed their chance to dance to Rihanna's "Umbrella" (ella - eh eh eh) and instead opt for an Avril song.

Carrie loved it and thought using a prop is "risky" but that it worked. I didn't realize using props was so taboo! At least it wasn't a fucking unicycle. However Carrie thought Kristi's turns were a little "off" even though they are "her thing". WHATEVER Carrie! I'd like to see you spin - AND do it on skates. TREACHERY!

Len (OF COURSE) thinks that their was too much "mincing" - aka not the TRADITIONAL dance. Bruno rightly fires back that it's called "creativity". Seriously! If Len had his way the only people that would watch this show would be church ladies. And then the ratings would be fucked if it fell on bingo night.

Best part - Bruno calls Kristi a "little Madame Butterfly"!!!! OMG!!! He just called her a HOT ASIAN TRANNIE MESS!!!! LOL! LOVE IT!

Meanwhile, Shannon has her fun backstage and from the look of it she will, in fact, "never go back".

The scores come back for Kristi and Mark - 9's from Carrie and Bruno AND AN 8 FROM LEN!!! WHAT?!?! UGH! He's so cranky and old! That was NOT an 8! Boooo!

Next up, Mario and Karina. Mario's a little miffed that last week, although he got great scores - was in the bottom two. It does kind of suck - it's like the adult version of dodgeball. Or something like that. I don't know - I always watched that shit from afar on the playground. Me and the girls had better things to do - like gosssssip! Heeey!

And on top of it all, the poor guy has to learn the dance moves for his new music video. This pesky career of his keeps getting in the way of learning fancy dances. WTF MARIO?!!? PRIORITIES!!!!

Mario and Karina then perform their Fox Trot. Which is FANTASTIC!! I really like it - mostly because Mario actually looks like he's enjoying himself - which is more than I can say for some of the others who perpetually constipated when they dance.

Len thought it was a great job but needed to be more graceful. Bruno compliments Mario on being so young. Bruno is the king of the backhanded compliment. Next time he'll say "You're really great at being an African-American. And that's it." He says the control wasn't there but he's "entertaining" to watch. Carrie agrees and suggests that Mario just "stiffens up". Mmmm hmm - girl I bet you could help with that!

The scores come back and there all 8's. Mario seems happy with it but for once I think he deserved better. At least he was graceful about it...

UNLIKE OUR NEXT COUPLE!!! It's everyone's favorite cry-babies - SHANNON AND DEREK!!!! Last week, their heads literally exploded during their post-interviews. In case you missed it, take about 100 angry bees, put them in a jar, shake the shit out of the jar - and then release them into a baby nursery. That's what their interview sounded like.

Shannon then does a taped apology for her actions - which I'm pretty sure was demanded by the producers.

Heeey guys... remember that time I was all "WHAT THE FUCK?!!?" and kind of like, "YOU JUDGES CAN FUCKING SUCK IT!!!" and may have said, "I'LL SKULL FUCK YOUR CHILDREN AND RAPE YOUR PETS!!!" - well - I was toooootally kidding!!! Hee. Hee. (Silence followed by more bawling.)

Boo! Just let her rip! It's so much more entertaining to watch someone tank their already tanked career!

« Real World Hollywood: Making It Up As You Go Along | Main | Paradise Hotel: Digging Deep »

Posted in Dancing with the Stars by bBitz at 9:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: Snarky on May 7, 2008 09:58 PM.