Testimonials

During rehearsals Shannon gets pissed at Derek because he's being so hard on her. Which is weird because usually she likes that - HEEEEY! No seriously - at one point she says "Well - someone's going home alone tonight!" Then Derek nervously laughs at the camera like "Whhhhaaat! She's kidding!" No she's not. You two are gross.

Back on the dance floor they begin their Tango. Which is actually really great. It's a dance where two lovers are angry with each other and throw and slap each other around. Can we say method acting?!

Aaaand the judges LOVE IT! Bruno thought it was "fasscciiinating"! And Carrie thought it was her "best dance yet"! Kudos to the judges for not being like "Bitch I heard what you said last week - oh heeelllll no!!!!" I wait for Carrie to take her weave off and march down there and pommel the piss out of Shannon - but the niceties only continue. Len loved the passion and thought she did a terrific job. She did. But they still should have fucked with her a bit.

The scores come back and it's 9's from all judges. Awww - feel the love! Meanwhile - Useless Samantha totally misses her chance to nail Shannon for the "going home alone" comment she made in rehearsal! USELESS!

Next up, Jason and Edyta! Last week he plummeted down the the judge's scoreboard. So this week he's super-intense during rehearsals. At one point he says "This is all I do - so I'm not ready to go home yet!" Wow - that was a little sad there Jason. Let's not get Guttenberg-desperate.

They then perform their quick step and start off with:

Ok - yes this is a cool move - but it's one we've seen a million times now! I declare a moratorium on this move! Death to the under-the-crotch jump!

Jason does MUCH better this week with enjoying himself. Which makes the dance MUCH more interesting! And he even adds to the fun by tossing the judges notes everywhere! Yeah! Rage against the machine!

Before we go to the judge's scores - it's time for this week's...

Moment with the Mother Fucking Queen!!! Girl - you're looking GREAT TONIGHT! I wanna hoist you up - throw some light on you - spin you around - and call it "DISCO NIGHT!"

Back to the judges - Carrie says Jason was larger than life and everything was fantastic. Len says it will get Jason through to the finals and Bruno calls it "quick-LIGHTENING" - the performance of the night! And they come back with a 9 (boo Len!) and 2 10's!! WOO WOO!

And that's it!! We've seen all the dances and ------ OH BUT WAIT! THEY ALL DANCE AGAIN!! IMAGINE MY EXCITEMENT. Off to the Latin round...

Up first, Chubbers and Tony with the Rhumba! One word - ROMANCE! She looked beautiful and...

OYE! SEXY MAMACITA!!!

Bruno thought it was great but needed more sex while Carrie thought it was plenty sensual enough and was "GREAT"! Meanwhile Len thought it needed a bit more "well-y" I think he said that - cause if he said more "whale-y" he deserves to be beaten. We'll shake Shannon up in a jar and release her on him.

The scores come back and it's two 8's and a 9 from Carrie. F-you Len and Bruno - Chubbers deserves 10's!!!!

Now we have the Samba from Cristian and Cheryl! I'm not gonna lie - I usually avoid anything about this show before I write the recaps. HOWEVER it was impossible to miss what happens next since it was on the news and all over the internet. I knew Cristian hurts himself and going into it, knowing that, was like watching Chubbers walk into a Vegas buffet - you don't know what it's going to look like - but you know it ain't gonna be pretty.

All I could think about was an interview I heard where Cheryl said she "heard something RIP" during the dance. GRRROOOOSSSSS. And unfortunately for Cristian - his dance was actually quite good until...

"Hmmm - I know it's not the sleeves of my shirt that I just heard rip..."

Then he drops Cheryl and...

"Ummm... I think the inside of my arm just exploded."

Way to go CHERYL!! What - are you topping 100 lbs now?! You whale! Look what you did!!! Actually, I'm almost positive this happened because Cristian de la Gym has been working out way too much to show his muscles off (hence the sleeveless shirts) so that when he threw his wafer-thin dance partner around - something got FUCKED UP.

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Posted in Dancing with the Stars by bBitz at 9:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: Snarky on May 7, 2008 09:58 PM.