Testimonials

Cristian tries to muscle through it all (GET IT?!!?) but Tom sends us to commercial (rightly so - I thought I was gonna be sick watching it).

Back from commercial - the judges feel awful judging Cristian and keep calling him brave for moving on. UH OH. They say nothing about his dancing BEFORE the injury. Me-thinks that this is only gonna get uglier.

Aaaand it does - while Cristian looks like he's writhing in pain - the judges give him ALL 7's!!! WTF?!!? I thought he did well up until the shit hit the fan! Way to kick a man when he's down!!! BOOO!!!!!! Seriously. BOOOOO!!!!

Next on the chopping block - Kristi and Mark! They, for the first time ever, need to kick ass and start moving back up to the top. And they're dancing to "Please Don't Stop the Music!" by Rihanna! LOOOVE THAT SONG! And holy shit they go crazy! You can tell she's fighting back to the top!

"Come on Len! BRING IT! YOU BEE-YOTCH!!!"

And Len DOES bring it. He gets SUPER pissy about it and calls it - wait for it - "BOOGALEW HIP-HOP DANCING!" BOOGALEW!!! HOLY SHIT. His car is gonna get torched in the parking lot. Bruno and Carrie go apeshit on Len for being too old-school (rightly so).

Can you tell who liked it and who didn't? (BTW it's nice to see Carrie started shaving.)

The scores come back and it's a 10 from Carrie, an 8 from Len (WTF?!) and a 10 from Bruno! LEN!! Move into the new century - it's BOOGALEW TIME!

And now here's Mario and Karina dancing the Mambo. He's quick - hot - and snazzy - and that's exactly how the judges describe him. However, Len's BEST comment of the season is about the other two judges...

"She's misinformed and he should be chloroformed!" FANTASTIC!

The scores are up and it's 9's across the board! Not bad! But that's total BS that Len thinks it was better than Kristi and Mark's.

Up next, Shannon takes a classy approach to impressing Len...

By showing him the backside of her vagina.

Ahhhh subtlety. It truly is a lost art on this show. If only there was a way to get the point across a little more tactfully...

Yup. That's it.

After Len finishes having a total heart attack - Carrie says it was "good" but Shannon was missing some lines - Len and Bruno both agree something was missing.

Back in the green room, Shannon tells Useless Samantha that she's actually wearing a fake ass.

"Don't you love it?! I bought it off a fat girl that needed the money! The best part is I can take it off without sticking my finger in my throat! Yeah!! BWAAAAH!!!"

Shannon reminds me of my friend Pam, the moment you pay her a compliment she'll tell you she's actually wearing spanks and her outfit was on the sale rack. So much for the facade of natural beauty.

The judges pay for their lap dance with all 8's. Looks like Shannon does better without the extra cush in the tush.

FINALLY (LONGEST F-IN EPISODE EVER) we have Jason and Edyta dancing the Pasa Doble to the sounds of the NFL theme song! HAHAHA! LOVE IT! He's all angry, passionate and OLE!

The judges loved it - HOWEVER - Carrie nails Edyta for her foot coming off the ground - making an "illegal lift". This would be the first time I've heard a judge critique one of the professionals!!! YIKES! Nice job Edyta. It's not like Jason just said earlier that his whole life depended on this. OH WAIT HE DID. (INSERT SOUND OF GUNSHOT)

The judges respond with 2 9's and an 8 from Len. He's really pissy tonight. Someone either forgot to give him an Ensure or change his diaper.

AND THAT'S IT!!!! This seriously felt like the longest friggin' show EVER!!! What did you all think?! Did Shannon hooch herself out of the hole? Can you believe that the mighty Kristi has fallen to Jason?! And most importantly, will Cristian return tomorrow with a bionic arm and a crane to lift Cheryl?!? DISH IT!!!

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Posted in Dancing with the Stars by bBitz at 9:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: Snarky on May 7, 2008 09:58 PM.