Testimonials

Len says what they did they did well, but it was too young. He wants tradition or something. Again, he's the old man yelling at kids to get off his lawn. Carrie Ann thought it was hot. Ugh, no. My eyes are still recovering. I threw up a little in my mouth. Bruno called it spunky, loved how "now" it was. Blech. No, if "now" is wearing Lance Bass's face on your ass, I'll stay in the past. Carrie Ann - 8, Len - 6, Bruno - 8, for a total of 22. Not bad, not bad.

Finally! Cloris Leachman is next. She's 82 and has 9 Emmys, a Golden Globe and an Oscar. Why the hell is she here? She's dancing with Corky who is the father of another contestant. Whatever. Their intro is all about how old they are. They're OLD! OLD OLD OLD! She laughs like Popeye and talks back to Corky and they have a combined age of 129. OLD.

Thanks, Oops I Crapped My Pants!

They've drawn the Foxtrot and it's oh so awkward. Like watching your grandmother get hit on by a slick talking gold-digging Mafioso at your cousin's wedding. It's the happiest your grandma has ever been. Which is sweet, but still. Awkward.

At the end they get a standing ovation for surviving. Someone's laughing hysterically. And it's Carrie Ann, the consummate professional.

Bruno loved her, calling her an "imposing presence of a battleship geriatrica." For someone who hasn't seemed to master the English language, he sure is evocative. Cloris puts her leg up and then gets on her knees in front of Len. She's distracting the judges from the business at hand with her GIANT cleavage on the table. Len gets flustered and flubs his line.

It's not polite to point, dude.

Cloris sits on Carrie Ann's lap. This is so weird. Carrie Ann's all "get off me." Her partner basically has to pull her off the stage. She's such a ham. Cloris also gets a standing O backstage too. All that hamming has left no time for chit chat, thankfully. They get 6-5-5. And two bleeps from the censors for Cloris. Cloris then calls Samantha Harris stupid as she points out that the producers do the adding for her behind the camera. Awesome. That's what Cloris is here for!

So remember how earlier Jeffrey Ross was poked in the eye? Well they're going to show you a few more times in slow motion for good measure. The doctors told him not to dance, but he's gotta know his time here is short so he's dancing anyways. Jeffrey explains that he won a competition at 10 at camp, and he's dancing to the same song.

Jeffrey is dancing without the eyepatch he's been sporting all night. Edyta is wearing chiffon legwarmers and one sleeve and underwear, which is an interesting choice, sartorially. She's literally dancing circles around him, but I keep reminding myself that's the point. His performance is stiff and really pretty bad.

Carrie Ann thought it sucked but she feels bad for his injury. Bruno called it the most "ungangly carnage since Cloverfield 3." See? What a way with words! Also he says something about tits which is classy. Len says he's a winner for coming on the show. No, I'm pretty sure it's actually the opposite.

They get straight 4's which is the lowest score of the night so far.

Gayest. Eyepatch. EVER.

Kim Kardashian is still being introduced as a reality TV "star." Don't forget about the sex tape. She's partnered with Mark, who won last year. Why do some of them meet at their homes? They mention the one thing that might slow her down - Kim has balance issues. I was going to make a joke about it being her ass, but seriously, she's always falling backwards. It IS her ass! Also, there might be something to that "reality TV star" schtick, because she's really good at the rehearsed impromptu dialogue in rehearsal and in interviews.

They drew the Foxtrot. And they're dancing to the theme song from The Pink Panther. Nooooo. That makes two songs I'll have stuck in my head for the rest of the week. For someone whose entire life is lived on TV, Kim looks remarkably uncomfortable up there.

Len calls it clean, but cold and calls out their lack of chemistry. Bruno calls her a dusky beauty like Jasmine from Aladdin - "a treasure trove everyone wants to explore." Hahaha, Reggie Bush is going to kick his aaaass!

Carrie Ann - 6, Len - 7, Bruno - 6, for a total of 19.

Biggest star of the night.

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Posted in Dancing with the Stars by Krank Mills at 3:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Last Comment: cattyfan on Sep 25, 2008 03:23 PM.