Susan Lucci is up next. Remember when she could never win an Emmy? Like the daytime Emmy's matter! Lolz, Susan Lucci. They show an awesome campy clip where she slaps some lady good. Tony is her partner Do you think ABC made her do this show? They keep saying Erica Kane.
Susan and Tony are dancing the Cha Cha to "Heard It Through the Grapevine." She's pretty awful. Her legs are no where and she's so unsure of herself. If she weren't on another ABC show I'd say she's not long for this show.
Bruno says the Cha Cha needs a slut, and she was too careful, but still somehow sloppy. He wants her to let herself go. Carrie Ann tells her she looks great, which is how you know her performance was no good, but wants her to gain weight. Bruno and Susan fake hump. Grooooss.
They get straight 5's and Susan Lucci talks like she's on a soap in real life. Something in the cadence of her voice.
Don't make me smack you, bitch.
Misty Mae-Treanor is up next. This is the follow up to your gold medal? Geeze. She wants people to see her grace. Also, she missed the closing ceremonies to train. Lame. Maks wants her to walk like a lady. He also mocks her thick neck which is a great way to make her feel more confident as a dancer, I'm sure.
Seriously. You look like the Hunchback guy in that Disney cartoon. Let's dance!
She moves surprisingly well, if she's not the lightest on her feet. She commits, though. Those Olympians don't do anything halfway.
Carrie Ann appreciated the intensity Len thought it elegant and nuanced with the music. They get a 6 from Carrie Ann, 8 from Len and a 7 from Bruno.
Last up Warren Sapp who is already my favorite, you guys. He's just hilarious and genial. He keeps doing his sack dance in the studio when he gets something right. He's not afraid to be a fool, which bodes well. He says he's going from "quarterback killer to dance floor thriller."
He's adorably into the dance and surprisingly light on his feet. Kym is the one slipping in the routine (though I suspect he's throwing her around a little.) Seriously, he could rip her in half. I kind of fear for Kym's life.
Crack
Len called him a bundle of joy. Bruno says big boys can dance. Carrie Ann loved them and says their ending the night on a happy note. Backstage Warren is nervous about his scores, which makes me like him all the more. They end up with straight 7's for a lucky score of 21.
So to recap the recap, the final scores are, in descending order:
Brooke and Derek - 23
Lance and Lacey - 22
Toni and Alec - 22
Misty and Makx - 21
Warren and Kym - 21
Kim and Mark - 19
Ted and Inna - 18
Maurice and Cheryl - 18
Cody and Julianne - 18
Cloris and Corky - 16
Susan and Tony - 15
Rocco and Karina - 14
Jeffrey and Edyta - 12
Who do you think was overrated? Under? And who's YOUR favorite "star" this year?
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Comments (12)
Nice one, Krank! Way to take one for the team -- it's good to read you again.
Oh, and I'm with your analysis on ALL of that, especially the Warren Sapp love.
Did you notice that Brook (and Tom) mentioned her 4 kids about 10 times, and then they showed the 4 kids? And then she told her partner that he'd have to get used to having 4 kids around him? And then they cut to the 4 kids again? Yeah, that's not going to get old at all...or did it?
1 of 12 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 24, 2008 5:43 PM
SO glad you are back!! Just started the recap but have to comment immediately that Karina and Mario are not together anymore. There was a People magazine article - apparently he dumped her and she is near nervous breakdown. Maybe she'll eat her way through it with Rocco's food.
2 of 12 | Posted by incognito | Posted on September 24, 2008 6:25 PM
Krank...congratulations on taking over. I covered this show last fall, and found trying to do multiple episodes each week exhausting.
It's a shame we already lost Edyta. I could always tell how bad her partner was going to be based on how little she wore: the less outfit, the more she was trying to cover for her partner (as evidenced by what she almost wore on Monday.)
Look forward to reading you for the rest of the season.
P.S. I think Cherly Burke has been sampling Rocco's desserts...or maybe just a lot of McDonalds.
3 of 12 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on September 24, 2008 9:36 PM
Great recap! I just was waiting for the reference to the motherfuckin' queen-You know-the singer with the massive head jewelry. If you can try to get it in the next recap I will be very happy. With screencap please.
Cheryl Burke must have gained 20 pounds for it to be showing so much in her face. What chance do the rest of us have when she can't keep the pounds off with her workout schedule??
4 of 12 | Posted by unwise | Posted on September 24, 2008 10:07 PM
Hey Krank!
I recapped DWTS last season and just wanted to say - GREAT JOB! Very funny stuff and I give you credit for taking this monster on!
Good luck!
bBitz
PS - My favorite is Lacey. Screw the other "stars" - she was on STYTYCD and she knows NEIL!!! (sigh)
5 of 12 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on September 24, 2008 11:33 PM
Hey Krank!
I recapped DWTS last season and just wanted to say - GREAT JOB! Very funny stuff and I give you credit for taking this monster on!
Good luck!
bBitz
PS - My favorite is Lacey. Screw the other "stars" - she was on SYTYCD and she knows NEIL!!! (sigh)
6 of 12 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on September 24, 2008 11:34 PM
Sorry about posting above twice - I tried to cover my acronym f-up!
Anyways, also wanted to mention to "unwise" that it was me who always referenced "the mother-fucking queen" - but maybe Krank will take over! :)
7 of 12 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on September 24, 2008 11:40 PM
"They keep claiming she's a Tony Award winner, but that is blatantly false. I will have "Unbreak My Heart" stuck in my head until she gets eliminated." lolllllllllllllll awesome recap, loved every sentence of it. esp. the part where you liken a jonas brothers guest appearance to a dog peeing on the carpet.
also, your hilarious recaps relieve me of the burden of having to actually watch the show...especially those pesky results shows. how great is that?
8 of 12 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 25, 2008 6:35 AM
Yes! bBitz! Thank you for the queen. Every time I see her I think of your recaps.
I adored Neil (SYTYCD) too!
9 of 12 | Posted by unwise | Posted on September 25, 2008 7:43 AM
GREAT recap! I haven't even watched the show yet, and you had me giggling like a 12yr old Jonas Bros. fan!
I have one request, though - could you carry on the tradition of calling Samantha Harris "Useless Samantha", please? It just suits her so well...
10 of 12 | Posted by aniglo | Posted on September 25, 2008 8:15 AM
Didn't watch. Don't recognize most of the "stars". Don't care. But...
Loved the recap. (A few more screen caps would be nice - especially when you mention sexy outfits.)
Cloris is great at any age.
Thanks!
11 of 12 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 25, 2008 12:10 PM
actually, yes...more pictures would be great. Especially any of Maks. I always included at least one of him with an open shirt...even if I had to pull one from a previous episode. :)
12 of 12 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on September 25, 2008 3:23 PM