The next couple safe is Misty and Maks! They drew the Mambo and their biggest hurdle in practice, other than Maks trying to get used to Misty without makeup again, is when he has to teach her a sexy hip roll. Poor thing looks like she just got off the bus from the Village of the Damned.
Braaaains! Braaaaains!
She gets down on herself about her awkwardness and says that whoever made her body didn't screw her together right. If anyone can screw you right it's Maks. That face. That ASS. That...sorry. Poor Misty comes out looking like she was just attacked by cans of that neon liquid string crap.
That is every shade of wrong.
Misty's awkwardness is a bit better by showtime, but she starts with this solo that's all about flailing her arms like her face is on fire. She's got a little bit of the Elizabeth Berkely thing from Showgirls going on. Her hip roll is improved, and I especially like the part where she and Maks play paddy cake in the middle of the song. That's just not used enough in dance. Sure, she kinda stinks, but who cares?
We have a winna!
Carrie Anne tells her it was better than last night but to please stop flailing her arms. Len says it was brave. ? He also mentions her arms. Bruno is less subtle and literally reenacts her solo.
My faaaace!
He says that her shoulders get higher and higher and if she can just stop her inevitable evolution into a hunchback she should be fine. Bruno was way nicer to Lance Bass. That's gayist! He doesn't seem to like Misty too much, probably because he was traumatized by people who played sports as a child. Or am I projecting? Either way, he gives her the evil critic from Ratatouille face.
"Finally Chef Gusteau has found his rightful place in history alongside another equally famous chef - Monsieur Boy-ar-dee. LAST. WORD."
They score a triple 7. The next safe couple is Maurice and Cheryl! Maurice has a certain energy about him that scares me. You know those people that no matter what happens they act like Ty Pennington just showed up at their door and offered to turn their house into a strip mall with handicap rails for the young uns? Don't trust those people. They will run you over with your car and then say sorry and spend the rest of the day acting like nothing happened. Maurice has done nothing but be a pretty good dancer and a sweetheart, but I am on the lookout.
He and Cheryl drew the Mambo, and he's just so EXCITED! At one point Cheryl turns to a producer and asks if she gets paid the same if she just spends the next hour at the In and Out. She tries getting stern with him, but he's busy doing the Roger Rabbit and yayayayyyyyying all over the place.
I LOVE YOU TY PENNINGTON!
He does an amazing job. At first he's even more comfortable and fluid than Cheryl. He can move that body! He even does the worm! And just a question because obviously I am no dancer, but why does Cheryl always do half splits? Is she unable to go all the way down or is there a rule not to make the janitors have to come out and mop up between sets? OK that was uncalled for. Sorry.
The janitors union thanks you.
The audience goes nuts for them. Bruno loved eet and tries to imitate Maurice's fluidity. Doesn't work.
Yo. Olive Garden. That's enough with the Lance Bass jokes.
Carrie Anne stumbles over her words and it sounds like she's imitating Bruno. She liked it. The end. Len didn't like the "Free Willy" step and doesn't want any more of that blackness thrown in, please. So is the rule on these shows now that you just have to have a snotty British judge with man boobs? Simon's teets may rest on his knees, but the man's got wit. What does Len have? Other than impeccable kerchiefs? Eh, it's enough. Kerchiefs are underrated in our times.
The one who smelt it dealt it.
Useless tells Maurice that lots of whales appreciated his move. Cut to Marissa Jaret Winokur.
How rude, editors.
They, too, score a triple 7 and Maurice says "We're a winner chicken dinner!" Seriously, Maurice. You're adorable. Now please. Don't speak. Meanwhile, Toni Braxton is still bored out of her mind and Cloris Leachman is making out with Kim Kardashian.
BTW, commercials are retarded.
And then it's back to those active lifestyles us Dancing With the Stars viewers lead, k?
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Comments (15)
LOLOLOLOL! That was seriously funny! I love Cloris whether she can dance or not. Ted needed to go because I couldn't take the porno faces he was making. Gross. Speaking of gross. Kim Kardashian needs to get off my TV. Ugh!
Poor Toni, I like her but you had me laughing like crazy at her.
Love you!
1 of 15 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on September 26, 2008 7:34 AM
I'm crying right now because my diaphragm hurts from laughing so hard (and before anyone gets started, I mean the abdomincal muscle tissue, not my birth control device). Is it just me or did Lacy steal Jerrell's Kenley Spears outfit? She looks just like her! Cloris is the bestest thing here... and come ON, who on this show has got a better resumé?... she was on Mary Tyler Moore (before MTM became Queen Scary Starving Arms) then got her own spinoff show, then played Nurse Diesel for Mel Brooks AND she was on the "Facts Of Life"! What more could you ask for?
Great recap, much love to you!
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Oprah still sucks! Bwahahahahahahaha!
2 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 26, 2008 8:16 AM
Loved the recap, especially the photos from the results show. "And most could die at any momentest."
Thanks for the shirtless Maks photo. Maybe those should be included in recaps for all the shows reviewed on this site. I'm just sayin'...
3 of 15 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on September 26, 2008 9:17 AM
Life is too short to watch this - but your recaps are rediculous funny.
J-Mo: Don't forget Cloris in Young Frankenstien!
Wish I could just see the parts with Cloris. So many bad TV shows - so little time.
4 of 15 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on September 26, 2008 10:31 AM
fire@will... OMG, you're so right, I can't believe I forgot her as Frau Blücher! ((**Kenley laughs**))
love, J-Mo :)
5 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 26, 2008 10:49 AM
Cloris Leachman RUINS the show. All her tacky, whorish behavior is really unbecoming in a woman her age. Cloris Leachman drags this fine show into the gutter. I said the gutter.
Having said that I LURV Cloris on THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW and your recapping of her antics was the funniest part of your recap.
Cloris has a Norma Desmond quality going on that is SO PATHETIC and SO DESPERATE.
OMG look what Cloris Leachman has become. From the heights of the LAST PICTURE SHOW and an Academy Award to this; grabbing at men's crotches on national TV. It's sad, sad, sad. I can't wait to see her next week! I'm sure she's going to take out her sagging breasts and show them to everyone before she's finally taken back to the mental institution.
Love Rocco (Oh-la-la!). Love Mambolicious Ted. (Oh, wait he's gone already.) Hate that big, fat, skank Oprah.
6 of 15 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on September 26, 2008 12:15 PM
What the hell.... Flipit recapping my most favorite show!!!
Cheryl only does half splits because if she did a full split, she'd stick to the floor.
Loved your recap, but Maks is mine! You can have Bruno.
7 of 15 | Posted by chooch850 | Posted on September 26, 2008 12:53 PM
flip--
"Is she unable to go all the way down or is there a rule not to make the janitors have to come out and mop up between sets? OK that was uncalled for. Sorry." uncalled for, are you sure? i'm pretty sure i heard her calling it. and it was just as good as anyone could have hoped.
funniest recap ever. no lies.
that isn't a kercheif!!! it's a POCKET SQUARE!!! remember, straigh guy's contribution to society that will love on long after he was booted from PR?
POCKET SQUARE (why do i keep hearing horsey laughs in the background???)
8 of 15 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on September 26, 2008 1:31 PM
I would love to see Oprah on DWTS.
Or Andy Rooney.
9 of 15 | Posted by gitgo | Posted on September 26, 2008 2:17 PM
This isn't really my show, but too fun to read your recap flip!!! I caught bits of it at my friends, and it looks like Cheryl has been eating all the hamburgers the girls of 90210 should be having--is it distortion of my friends flat screen, I swear everyone looks extra wide, like the proportions are off . . . anyone?
Why do I just instantly hate disney kids . . . they're so precocious!!! I agree that Phylis Diller, oops, I mean Cloris, is an attention whore, but I still love her in the "I hate this show, please blasphemize it" way.
I want to love Toni, and unbreak her heart, but I hate the wounded who keep harping on their wounds . . . it was my hypochondriac mother--don't judge!!!
And J-mo, if it was your birth control device, that's some deep laughter!!!!
10 of 15 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on September 26, 2008 4:43 PM
OMFG! Oh wah. Maybe you should stop wandering around the beach alone and GET A JOB.
Okay, back to read the rest of the recap. That just keeeled me. You say what the rest of us think and that slays me. LOL!
11 of 15 | Posted by zbird | Posted on September 26, 2008 7:19 PM
OMG - too much to quote that is TFF - both in comments and your recap. I LOVE the added commentary on the commercials.
juddfan - I was thinking the same about Cheryl. Maybe she is making some $ with her dance school and can eat now?
I get that TV embarrassment when Cloris is on but at the same time I want more!
12 of 15 | Posted by incognito | Posted on September 26, 2008 8:09 PM
Flipit;
Great recap! Now I have to mop up the Diet Dr. Pepper that I sprayed all over the place. Twice.
Can't help with the Blue Skies question, sorry.
Chloris (and anyone 80 or over that has the guts to go on a show like this) gets a free pass to do ANYTHING she likes! Yes, it may not be some folks' aesthetics, but she put in her time and earned her stripes. And if she wants to grab for the cute young guy's meat - GO GOR IT! I'd much rather see that than the guy munching on Kim's ass.
... and Oprah sucks the big one! Always will!
Lots O' Love
13 of 15 | Posted by arizonatom | Posted on September 27, 2008 9:16 AM
Thanks for pointing out the thing about Maks. It's unfair how hot he is and there is no other comparable man eye candy on the show.
14 of 15 | Posted by Reiray | Posted on September 27, 2008 9:32 AM
Blue Skies = Cialis commercials. Erections are fun!
15 of 15 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on September 29, 2008 3:49 PM