Last week's outrageous 6 hours of Dancing With The Stars resulted in the ousting of "comedian" Jeffrey Ross and professional handsome man Ted McGinley. I just have to say. Poor Jeffrey. Getting poked in the eye and then summarily kicked off the show. That's gotta hurt.
That glitter patch hurt us way more than it hurt you.
*** Hey guys! This week Krank is on recap duty and Flipit is on pic and pic results recap duty! ENJOY !!
This week's show will continue to challenge the "stars," but instead of doing two dances in one week, this week they have a shortened time frame to rehearse either the Paso Doblé or the Rumba. That brings us to week's flash of recapper materialism - I need a Roomba. Seriously, the entertainment value alone in Roomba vs. my dog cage matches more than makes up for the cost.
Tom Bergeron makes some "jokes" about the failed bailout. Um, too soon, Tom. Way too soon. Tom asks Len for filler-I mean his expectations for the night. Len rambles a little, but it comes down to the fact that he's fearing the worst but hoping for the best. Great expectations, Len. Nice pep talk.
Please help Len pay his mortgage, America. Call now!
First up tonight is Toni Braxton. This week, before getting to the dancing, Toni is making her partner, Alec, get out of his comfort zone by going out to sing karaoke. Ha, he's singing "Unbreak my Heart." I knew it was going to be stuck in my head for the duration of this season. The bit is amusing, but I don't understand why, after all the hullabaloo about how little time they had to prepare this week, Toni and Alec are wasting their time with karaoke.
But congrats on out sucking Cameron Diaz.
Back to the dancing, Toni is doubting herself in rehearsals, comparing herself to Cloris (burn!) but I think she looks good. She looks just as great in the final performance, despite the sparkling diaper they're making her wear. It's a strong dance, and Toni carries her arms and legs like a real ballroom dancer. Carriage is my favorite part of ballroom dancing - besides the outlandish outfits, OF COURSE.
Yes I mean you. All of you.
Len was pleasantly surprised by the performance, noting they had nice chemistry, but lacked fluidity. Yeah, probably something to do with that limited rehearsal time, no? Jeez, be grateful they got the steps down. Bruno says Toni "captured the sensuality and vulnerability of a reluctant mistress." And both Len and Bruno say they wanted more basics. Um, if they're going beyond basics, what's the problem? Maybe a dancer-type out there can clarify for me? Carrie Ann critiques that Toni's feet came off the ground twice in lifts. I guess that's a problem? Are the rules to the Rumba similar to those for ice dancing or something?
If Len knows anything, it's that his mistresses are reluctant. Who can blame them? A girl's gotta pay the bills tho.
Scores: Carrie Ann - 7, Len - 8, Bruno - 8, for a total of 23. Useless reminds us that just because Toni and Alec were one of the final two standing last week, that doesn't mean they were actually in the bottom, so vote. That logic makes no sense.
Up next are Brooke Burke and Derek, who will dance the Paso Doble this week. Brooke and Derek were the top couple of last week, getting the highest scores in both performance shows. Can I just say how much I LOVE Brooke for not wearing makeup to rehearsals? Such a refreshing change from some slatterns (Kim Kardashian, I'm looking at you.)
In rehearsal, Brooke is having trouble finding the right intensity so... they go to a karate class? Again, I don't get why they're wasting precious rehearsal time on this! She punches some stuff and feels more aggressive. Or whatever.
Please, the no boobies on me rule still applies. Don't make me get the baby again.
For the final performance, Brooke is dressed like she's going as a Spanish señorita for Halloween. Speaking of which, what should my costume be this year? Seriously, I know we've never met, but throw me some kick-ass, funny, non-clichéd ideas in the comments section, yo.
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Comments (4)
I love that cloris leachman was the whore grandma on Beerfest. they should give her a sausage to prep for the boys.
1 of 4 | Posted by smaile | Posted on October 3, 2008 12:10 AM
I flew to Iowa this summer to see my parents. I flew out of Burbank. Tom Bergeron was flying someplace that day too and stood right next to me while he waited for his flight. Only one person, a guy in a wheelchair, said anything to Tom but everyone in that airport had their cell phones out discreetly taking pictures of Tom.
I like Jessica Simpsons' "Come on Over."
Someone needs to have Cloris Leachman's perscriptions filled. I want to laugh at Cloris but the part of me still from Iowa knows it would be wrong. I find her amusing but I suspect she's suffering from some sort of dementia. To want to stay on a reality show SO BADLY seems really sad to me.
2 of 4 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 3, 2008 7:56 AM
KrankMills, thanks for helping those of us unable to watch this show keep up, I still haven't quite figured out how it all works, but you are like a Hooked-On-Phonics CD, helping me through it (call 1-800-ABCDEFG!). I think there are just so many people it's kinda confusing me, between the dancers, the "celebrities", the judges, the hosts, the choreographers, Cloris' boobs, Kim Kardashian's ass' and Lance Bass' great-gawsh-a-mighty-wide-ass-eyes... there are just so many characters, it's like a friggin' Kentucky Family Reunion.
As far as Halloween costumes, I'd say put blue spray-paint in a diarrhea pattern down the center of your hair, refer to yourself in the third-person and talk to your dead relatives in the sky a lot and you can go as Suede/Pleather...
...and Flipit, I say you just put on a pair of tighty-whiteys, go as Baby New Year and hustle your hot ass on over to my place... *grin* :)
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. BTW, Hedda Lettuce is way more talented than all 5,943 Pussycat Dolls... you should hear her hit country song "Jesus Take The Wheel Cuz I'm Too Drunk To Drive"...
3 of 4 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 3, 2008 8:37 AM
Nice use of the word "Slatterns!" Now then, here's my totally clueless prediction. Cloris shakes off her comic "ruse" and reveals that she is the grand daughter of a master Ballroom dancer. Her innate talent powers her through to a showdown with Brooke, which Cloris loses in a squeaker after a contested recount that pits the AARP against a small but highly motivated group of adolescent boy voters.
4 of 4 | Posted by TVFanNYC | Posted on October 3, 2008 10:06 AM