Ugh Susan and Tony are dancing to that horrible John Mayer song SYTYCD used as well, "Waiting on the World to Change." I think if anything, you should be changing Mr. John "Douchebag" Mayer. Also, they've put Susan Lucci in a hipster headband. Whyyyy? My eyes! This is quite possibly the least sexy Rumba I've ever seen. Susan Lucci even unbuttons Tony's shirt unsexily. Shouldn't starring in a soap opera have prepared her for unbuttoning shirts, of all things?
Backstage there is one tiny crafts services table and thirty tanning beds.
Carrie Ann felt transported by the dance, i.e., Tony's chest. Bruno thought it was a very good Rumba. WTF, judges? I was just getting into this because I like how brutal the judges were being and now they back off? However, Bruno thought it was still tentative and would have like to see more "gay abandon." Should we bring Lance Bass back out? Click here to make my joke complete.
I don't think there's abandoning gayness this strong.
After a quick break for commercials we come back to my fave, Warren Sapp, in head-to-toe pleather. It looks like they're going for a Matrix theme. Or at least I hope it's that and not goth because goth kids are gross. Remember last week how I feared for Kym's life? I am really nervous now because he was already throwing her around like a ragdoll, but now add that "intensity" to the mix? She's going to end up on the roof.
I think I saw this in a Lifetime movie.
They're dancing to what I would consider traditional Paso Doble music (you know, it sounds like a bullfight! Ay! Ay! Ay!) so I'm not sure why they went with The Matrix theme, but they're running with it, slo-mo back bend and all. Warren does a nice job with the footwork and doesn't break into laughter once. They end off the music, but he's so comically large it's just amusing.
Holy mother of jumping huge guys. If you aren't worried for this girl right now you are heartless.
Len liked the darkness, menace and footwork. Carrie Ann looks a fool with her hands in the air for the "Paso Doble killah!" Shut up, Carrie Ann. Even Marlee Matlin knows how stupid you sounded. Bruno was impressed by Warren's ability to accelerate in time with the music. Everyone loved this performance including my cold, cold heart.
What a tool.
Backstage Useless and Kym banter about Warren's love of his sequined costumes. Kym says he was "game" but because of her accent I totally heard that Warren Sapp was "gay for the pleather and the sequins." HA! Scores: Carrie Ann - 8, Len - 8, Bruno - 8, for a total of 24.
Next and last up - Cody and Julianne doing the rumba. Apparently doing the quickstep last week made Cody into a man. I find this plausible, because where I'm from, Jews got Bar Mitzvah-ed, WASPs did cotillion. Cody has trouble with romance, as he's on TV in America so naturally bimbos just throw themselves at him with little work on his part.
Nope. Never mind.
Dancing to Leona Lewis's "Keep Bleeding" (because that woman needs more royalties, right?) Cody and Julianne's Rumba looks the most technically difficult of all the dances we've seen tonight. They do it well and are very pleased with themselves after the dance.
Not a wig. His hair is really that stupid.
Bruno rambles about children and candy. Frightening. Kids, do not get in a van with this man, I don't care how much candy he offers you. Carrie Ann thought it was an "age-appropriate" Rumba with it's innocence. Dude, he's bleeding love. That is like the least innocent action ever.
So, guys, how psyched are you for a pussycat doll and Jessica Simpson tomorrow night?? What should I be for Halloween? Is Bruno self-aware? How much longer can Cloris get the elderly vote? How many couples will be in pleather next week?
And now.....Time for a quick pic recap of the results show!
First, Len admits to having a fetish for giant black men.
Then Warren, feeling more confident now that he has an old man half boner on his side, gets overconfident and lands on Kim, killing her dead.
Toni is the first one called out safe.
Time for a big fat greasy burger!
Then Rocco.
And....frozen pasta barf came spewing out.
Then we go to commercial break, but first Misty gives a shout out to all the cholas in the house.
I wouldn't f with her.
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Comments (4)
I love that cloris leachman was the whore grandma on Beerfest. they should give her a sausage to prep for the boys.
1 of 4 | Posted by smaile | Posted on October 3, 2008 12:10 AM
I flew to Iowa this summer to see my parents. I flew out of Burbank. Tom Bergeron was flying someplace that day too and stood right next to me while he waited for his flight. Only one person, a guy in a wheelchair, said anything to Tom but everyone in that airport had their cell phones out discreetly taking pictures of Tom.
I like Jessica Simpsons' "Come on Over."
Someone needs to have Cloris Leachman's perscriptions filled. I want to laugh at Cloris but the part of me still from Iowa knows it would be wrong. I find her amusing but I suspect she's suffering from some sort of dementia. To want to stay on a reality show SO BADLY seems really sad to me.
2 of 4 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 3, 2008 7:56 AM
KrankMills, thanks for helping those of us unable to watch this show keep up, I still haven't quite figured out how it all works, but you are like a Hooked-On-Phonics CD, helping me through it (call 1-800-ABCDEFG!). I think there are just so many people it's kinda confusing me, between the dancers, the "celebrities", the judges, the hosts, the choreographers, Cloris' boobs, Kim Kardashian's ass' and Lance Bass' great-gawsh-a-mighty-wide-ass-eyes... there are just so many characters, it's like a friggin' Kentucky Family Reunion.
As far as Halloween costumes, I'd say put blue spray-paint in a diarrhea pattern down the center of your hair, refer to yourself in the third-person and talk to your dead relatives in the sky a lot and you can go as Suede/Pleather...
...and Flipit, I say you just put on a pair of tighty-whiteys, go as Baby New Year and hustle your hot ass on over to my place... *grin* :)
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. BTW, Hedda Lettuce is way more talented than all 5,943 Pussycat Dolls... you should hear her hit country song "Jesus Take The Wheel Cuz I'm Too Drunk To Drive"...
3 of 4 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 3, 2008 8:37 AM
Nice use of the word "Slatterns!" Now then, here's my totally clueless prediction. Cloris shakes off her comic "ruse" and reveals that she is the grand daughter of a master Ballroom dancer. Her innate talent powers her through to a showdown with Brooke, which Cloris loses in a squeaker after a contested recount that pits the AARP against a small but highly motivated group of adolescent boy voters.
4 of 4 | Posted by TVFanNYC | Posted on October 3, 2008 10:06 AM