Yes, Cloris can't dance for crap. Yes, she was dry humped yet again by her sicko partner, and yes, Mrs. Garrett was better on Facts of Life, but at least she was entertaining!
In a demented, perverted, awe inspiring kind of a way.
To wrap up our private time with the judges, Lucci's boots were cute. Thanks for taping this segment, guys. Your input means a lot.
Good call.
Len's taking next week off for sun spot removals, but the Lord of the Dance will be here. And he's really let himself go.
Len insists on seeing the Lucy Ricardo and Twink dance again.
That's it, Mrs. Ricardo. You're going to jail.
Next up, Hillary Clinton's in the house to stump for the Democrats! And she's in leopard print!
Hillary performs a song called "Suck it Obama" with her new band, Robbed, and she's not too bad! She should have done that on the campaign trail.
I may not be P,
Or VP,
Or Sarah P,
But I'm meeeeeeee! Suck it Obama!
Yo Mama Obama!
I'm meeeee!
Honestly, this is the President we need. The hearings on the bailout might actually be paid attention to if there was leopard print and a horn section. The first couples that are saved are Warren and Kym and Cloris and Corky. In celebration, Corky eats Cloris' face.
Tastes like aged prosciutto.
Then Tom earns his money. By using his brain.
"Last week Cloris was in the bottom two. Now there are four couples but two of them have to go in the bottom two. Of six couples. Two have to go into the bottom. But not Cloris, who was in the bottom two last week. But not tonight."
Uh, Tom? I think you're stealing Useless' thunder. Speaking of, Useless asks Cloris to do some hip hop moves. So Cloris does Karate. Then she calls Useless the n word and threatens to pop her bony ass with a cap.
Homo, Homie, and Useless pose for the camera.
YAY! Time for the kid's competition! The first couple is Alisa and Anthony. They are from LA and talk about how awesome it is to be from such a cool place while they walk their purse dog.
Then they ask the government for a 7 billion dollar bailout.
They talk about being bff and dancing together for a year. He wants to be in a rock band, and she wants to be an actress. Then she comes on and sexily tells Len that she's ready for her closeup. Check please! They are coming onto Dancing With The Stars because they want to share joy with the world. Kidding! It's cuz they want to be really f ing famous. This town kills childhood.
As far as the high five contest? MASSIVE FAIL.
They dace the jive and aren't completely in sync with each other. Still, they are adorable and the boy can really move! When they're done, Tom asks them dumb questions about their favorite snacks. What is this, The Biggest Loser? Leave em alone. Ask them what they think about inflation. I'm sorry, but this election won't get out of my head. The judges all loved them, but I don't know if they can compete with the next couple, Mitchell and Andrea.
A mullet is a pretty strong sign of confidence.
These two are from Philadelphia, and they love to watch old tapes of themselves dancing at weddings, which I totally approve of. When they're older, they'll still do that, but they'll be drunk and sobbing. Before they start their Paso Doble, Maria gives Mitchell a look that kills me.
If you fuck this up, I will kill you. Then I will cry. Then I will dig you up and kill you again. Then I will cry more.
Maria dances with great speed and even greater attitude, and Mitchell's mullet comes off very well. For some reason, they are dancing to the music that played every time there was a bad guy on The Love Boat, but they make it work. The judges call them untalented brats and make them cry. Nah! They blahblahblah and hand them lollipops. And the winners are....
Sorry, but I had to take a moment to post a horrid pic of Terri Hatcher. It's my hobby.
...the winners are...oh Jesus. First we have to listen to Samantha try to string together sentences. It's painful. The LA girl is about to say which celebrity she would want to dance with when Cloris forces her to say her.
Very good. You'll get Hello Kitty back after the show.
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Comments (5)
Still not watching... but love reading your recaps.
Sounds like Cloris is to this show what Sanjaya was to American Idol (is there a webb site called vote4theoldest.com?)
1 of 5 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 24, 2008 11:32 AM
The best part of the re-cap show that aired before the results show was that they were able to repeat the performances, judges comments, and scores all in under an hour. What was missing? The backstage interviews, which just reiterated how useless Useless is.
2 of 5 | Posted by leenie | Posted on October 24, 2008 11:37 AM
Oh and also, I hate how they judge Cloris against herself instead of against the other dancers, it's annoying me to no end. I take this show wayyyy to seriously.
3 of 5 | Posted by leenie | Posted on October 24, 2008 12:56 PM
this show blows w/o Maks.
and Cheryl Burke saying she only gained 5 lbs is like Kim (real housewife atlanta) saying she is only 29.
4 of 5 | Posted by gitgo | Posted on October 25, 2008 7:33 PM
hahahaha omg this recap made me laugh so hard i peed.
awesome guys, way too awesome.
5 of 5 | Posted by AuJew | Posted on October 28, 2008 9:16 AM