Tonight on Dancing With the Stars Results, people dance! And then get kicked off!
Hey! I want one!
Last night, Derek took off his shirt, which somehow opened the gates of Hell.
Great. Satan's totally gonna rig this thing.
Speaking of Satan, what kind of deal does Useless Samantha have with him? I love that whenever Tom isn't speaking, he's looking at the camera like he can't believe he's stuck with such a moron.
Help.
Remember last night? Well just in case you're in the target audience for his show (90 year old alcoholics with sick senses of humor), let's review! Iron Chef, in a sleeveless cowgirl shirt with paisley on one shoulder, tells us how manly this show makes him feel.
Girrrrrrl
Chunky Gwen Stefani got a forehead boner when her partner came out dressed like Charlize Theron in Aeon Flux.
Put that thing away! This is a family show!
Then Donny got downright pornographic to avoid being called old again this week.
If this move isn't against Mormon law, it should be.
Glen told Natalie that she had more chemistry with the floor than her own partner.
BoyBand's lambada dropped him into the bottom four, which is fitting because he looks like the biggest bottom ever.
Is the dude with the Indoor Carpeting head getting skinny or is it just me? Leather is very thinning.
Dees nomber needayd a sleeng and a cayn of da Creesco. Weetout it, I geev bade scorez.
The Flying Midget didn't do any flying. He did, however, spot his partner in case something popped out.
And now, for lessons on how to survive in a shitty economy.
You're hired!
Maya made her partner mad and got kicked in the crotch....
Sabrina the Not Teenage Witch had the biggest improvement in history! She also somehow managed to creep into her fifties without anyone singing her happy bday.
Oh Cabaaaana Boooooy! Dance!
Len chooses to again see the dance with the three E's. Excitement and some other stuff. All I think about when I hear triple E are really wide shoes. He's referring to Sabrina.
Butt sniffer!
Future VH1 star.
Well that's one way to cover those hideous burn scars.
I'm sorry, but I have to break up with you. This just isn't working out.
And now for Shakira!! I like Shakira cuz I never know what the hell she's saying so I pretend all her songs have something to do with my life.
My new favorite song: "Pasty Chunky Guys Are HAWT"
She kinda cracks towards the end, but who cares? She does sit ups and she's very generous. She could have just let Gwen Stefani's girls starve to death once they were used up, but no. She bought them new robes and let them sleep in the luggage compartment of her tour bus.
Recycle your Asians, people.
Shakira sounds like a kid dressed like a ghost on Halloween. I guess people like her because they can see themselves in her. Literally.
Who broke Shakira?
The chick in front of her is at a 90 degree angle!! See? Sleeping in the luggage compartment is good training.
That was hot. Don't believe me? Then why is Useless grabbing her boob?
Honk for Shakira!
Maya's safe! Sabrina is safe. The news somehow ages her another five years.
Boy Band is in the bottom two! But he's still wearing his slutty bottom costume so there's a chance that the new Bachelor will give him a rose.
More to Love: Fat Guys Are Just as Shitty as Skinny Guys
I feel sorry for the husband that has to do the dishes after this dinner party. Put down the Better Home and Gardens magazine already.
How much for a bottle of conditioner and a little makeup?
When we come back from break, we find out who the new Bachelor is!
Sorry George Wendt, they went for face dimples. The ones on your butt aren't considered cute. I know, it's just not fair.
And now for a dance by the pros!
Who's hair is greasier?
I hope they're paying the Olive Garden for the rights to their theme music. WTH?
Poor Cheryl can't catch a break.
Hi I'm Useless! What are your names?
So have you always been a bottom?
It's new to me, but if you just let yourself relax...
My pool needs a good cleaning. Dance!
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Comments (2)
I don't know how you manage to take an hour of recycled garbage and turn it into gold...but you do!
I laughed like my 80-year-old crazy drunken neighbor at this whole thing. My fave: "Recycle your Asians, people." L.O. Freakin' L, Flipit. You slay.
1 of 2 | Posted by zbird | Posted on October 19, 2009 5:49 PM
Flipit--
I don't really have anything witty to say, I just wanted you to know that just because I don't comment doesn't mean that I don't LOVE your DWTS recaps! And I'm spoiled by how quickly you do them. Thanks!
2 of 2 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on October 20, 2009 9:54 AM