This week on Dancing With The Stars: The Flu Attacks. Mark Balls and Ken Doll are infected, Ken Doll overwhelmed to the point of temporary decommission. Will we ever be able to Paso Doble or Argentine Tango without our favorite Dancing Doll Action Figure?
Good evening, Ladies and Gentlemen! Thank you, thank you, for being so kind and being gentle with me after losing my virginity to this grand show. Last week, some readers who are much more experienced in the disease known as DWTS than I informed me after my post that my baby daddy Alec Mazo is indeed married to that little tramp Edyta. Whatevs, Alec, you were a little skinny for my liking anyhow. The Dancing Gods must have felt my pain, because they decided to ease it with Ken Doll's temporary replacement: Maks is back!
Mr. Chmerkovskiy, folks. I'll be keeping my maiden name. Or my second ex-husband's last name, his was my favorite.
Don't be jealous of Uncle Maks, Dmitry. Mama will still take you for a ride once in awhile.
"HappyHousewife, you're really keeping me waiting for these (insert misogynistic crack regarding hasbeens and the hustle here)? Be careful, or I will not save you when all of that Diet Coke finally gives you some mysterious life threatening illness."
I'm assuming it lacked chemistry because without makeup she looks like Denise Richards minus the whore-y past.
This week they have been assigned the Paso Doble, which ---- thinks will work in Cocklin's favor because it is focused on power and being competitive rather than romance. I presume power and a competitive spirit are traits needed to win gold medals, so Cocklin should have this in the bag.
I get it, I get it, I'll leave. But you don't need to rub it in by showing off your wedding ring now that it's too late!
In rehearsals, Cocklin drives ---- insane by asking tiny analytical questions about every little dance step. He says that normally that is a great habit to have, but they don't have time to break down every little nuance of every single move.
Our first duo executes their dance to "American Woman" by Lenny Kravitz, which seems like a real crackhead choice of song for a Paso Doble. Should have given it to Methie and Svetlana the Golddigger. Cocklin's trying to bring in the sympathetic yankee vote by reminding the viewers at home of her Olympic past with a sequined red and blue skirt and halter top set. ---- is looking like he's playing Danny Zuko in a back alley production of Grease put on by French drag queens.
Nothing says "Vote for me, I'm America's Sweetheart!" like a sequined halter top and "I just got effed in the dressing room" red lipstick.
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Comments (4)
If it makes you feel better, HH, Michael Irvin used to have quite a drug problem and several run-ins with the law. That's when the Cowboys were known as "South America's Team."
Do you think they partnered Kelly with Louis because he is the only one who wears more makeup than she does? Geez.
1 of 4 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on October 25, 2009 6:36 PM
Great recap HappyHousewife! Especially since you are new to watching the show, you are doing a great job! I have to admit that while watching Donny, I though it was boring and lacking something even though it was well done. I was shocked with the judges falling all over themselves for it. I thought Mya and Dmitry did a much better job. Also, you mentioned it was Anya of Anya and Pasha who danced with Melissa, but it was actually Anna who was paired with Chuck this season. But it made me think, speaking of Anya and Pasha, do you think we could start a petition to get Pasha on the show? Can you imagine having him, Dmitry and Maks on the show? Now that would be fantastic!
2 of 4 | Posted by blazergirl | Posted on October 25, 2009 10:23 PM
I just stopped in to say great job HappyHousewife, you had me in stitches; and damn that ----, the two-timing wretch!
I gave up on this show after watching the first two seasons, but returned for this season because Mya is an exceptional dancer who I actually enjoy watching. Is it my imagination or does Mya seem to be giving Dimitry the cold shoulder (while obviously attempting to not look like she's doing so)? I think there is a behind the scenes power struggle between those two when it comes to the choreography and Mya is none too pleased. I could just be reading too heavily into things, but pay attention to her mannerisms and that's the way it appears.
3 of 4 | Posted by ohhhyeah | Posted on October 26, 2009 2:25 PM
Pixie: Love that line about the Cowboys! Had no idea about MI...will check into him further before next recap!
Blazergirl: so embarrassed I called her Anya! Less martinis, more sleep before my next recap. Thanks for catching that for me! If we had Pasha along with Dmitry and Maks, I may spontaneously combust. In a good way:)
ohhhyeah: Thanks so much! Mya is a very good dancer and beautiful and probably way too classy to be on this show, but that's why I like her. And I totally get the vibe that she does not like Dmitry at all, but is willing to work it for the votes. She must be crazy! I also think, that as a solo artist, she is probably used to calling all the shots, including her choreography...so I totally agree with you on the behind the scenes power struggles! Did you guys watch last night? Who do you think is going home?
4 of 4 | Posted by happy.housewife | Posted on October 27, 2009 9:04 AM