This week on Dancing With The Stars: In order to fill the two hours we're allotted with only 7 couples remaining, we're going to have a team dance competition!
In case you don't already know, I am shocked to tell you that we lost Clarissa and Louie last week. Louie, not so shocked, but Clarissa? Yes, she totally sucked, but I thought she had enough of a fan base in the key demographic (25-34) to keep her around at least longer than Michael Irvin. I figured it would be him and the dwarf to go in the double elimination. Are there that many Cowboy fans around here? If he wins this shit, I'm so moving to Canada.
Tonight, we face another double elimination. Really cutting away the crap now, aren't we? Because there are only 7 couples to dance tonight, and two hours of viewing pleasure to consume, the producers have come up with some shit storm of a team dance competition to "entertain" us.
Our couples will be split up into two teams. Team Douche-o, comprised of MethFace/Svetlana, Karate Kid/Lacey, Michael/Anna, and Mya/Cabana Boy will be performing a Paso Doble all together. Team Wango, including Kelly/Louis, Donny/Hatchetface, and Poopa Barbie/Ken Doll, will be performing a Tango. Each group will be judged as a team, and the score given added to their individual scores tonight. But we will be revisiting this later, let's get on to tonight's regular performances.
Or, let's not. More filler. Some of the pros are up to "show them how it's done" (thanks, Clever Tom) by dancing a Paso/Tango combo. Two of the guys I'm not familiar with, Tony Dovolani and Jonathan Roberts, who is married to Anna Trebicantspellhername. These people really are incestual. Worse than Donny and the Mormon Army, I'm afraid. ---- is back, damn him, dancing with his wife Edyta just to piss me off. Bastard. Rounding out the pros are Chelsie and Hatchetface. The dance is alright, I expected more from the professionals. Lots of walking around and posing, not too much actual dancing...so I suppose it's the choreography I don't like. Semantics.
After introducing tonight's couples via the Walk of Death (I'm just waiting for someone to eat shit down that stairway, so I can replay it and laugh maniacally over and over again), Clever Tom informs us that the "stars" were responsible for all of tonight's costume choices and designing. So, not only do they suck at life dancing, they are going to show us how much they suck at costume designing. Fantastic.
We also discover, no thanks to Boobs....
....that Lacey is out sick this week, or as Clever Tom cracks, is wearing a very convincing Anna Trebicantspellhername costume. Ha ha ha ha, CT. I now see how you got your name. So it will be Anna and Karate Kid tonight.
Before them though, first up to bat for the evening, or up to receive as the case may be, is Michael and Anna. Mikey did okay with a waltz, but still ended up in the bottom three and managed to survive a dance off with Stoner Dwarf last week to stay in the game.
This week Mikey and Anna have been assigned the fox trot. Anna thinks Mikey was a showman on the football field, so he needs to bring that energy to this dance. She also asks him if he can do debonair like Fred Astaire, and he says he is ready to try.
Of course Mikey chose purple satin for their costumes. I mean, really? So cliche I can't handle it.
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Comments (6)
I seriously think Len may be racist. I mean I think that Mya's foxtrot was perfection! Yet Len hated it... reminds me of a Jive last season that was perfect and he gave an 8 to cough*Lil Kim and Derek*cough.
1 of 6 | Posted by jarthon | Posted on November 6, 2009 1:14 AM
Len isn't racist, he's just knowledgeable in ballroom and holds more firmly to his background. In ballroom competition, and especially in International Standard, it is unacceptable to break the partner hold ever. This show is much more entertainment than ballroom (Lambada?! Texas Two-Step?!) but you can't fault Len for actually expecting the dance to look like it's supposed to. And if Mya didn't spend most of her time trying to choreograph the dances herself, the pro might actually be able to make it work.
2 of 6 | Posted by lagitha | Posted on November 6, 2009 3:53 AM
Can somebody please come up with a name for the 3 inch wide vein that runs from Aaron Carter's hairline to his right eyebrow. Holy distractions!!
3 of 6 | Posted by Considerthis | Posted on November 6, 2009 6:37 AM
Oh my, Len is not racist...just rigid.
Considerthis- youare so right! I keep waiting for it to explode and put us all out of our misery!! I thought his jive was great but I just cannot stand him, and the screaming after the dance...ugh!
As always HappyHousewife, great recap and sooo funny!
Hope Mia and Dimitry take it all!
4 of 6 | Posted by mistichristi | Posted on November 6, 2009 5:54 PM
I think that Len is more than rigid, although I agree that it's not about race.
In fact, I don't think it's about Mya at all; it's about Dmitry. I see Len as DWTS' version of Nigel from SYTYCD -- and both equally loathe Dmitry. I don't really understand why. Maybe it's the whole "penis swordfight" element that Dmitry would clearly sweep. He's a young stud and they're old codgers, and for some reason Dmitry, more than any other male contestant on either show, really brings out the green monster in these old doooods.
IMO, that is. And I think it's blatantly unfair -- Not only did he give them ridiculously low scores this time; Len has given them a 7 when the other judges gave 10s too (for their Rumba I think). His bias is obvious and ugly.
5 of 6 | Posted by zbird | Posted on November 7, 2009 6:06 AM
I at first thought Len might be racist too, but then I realized he would be the first one to get on his knees if Michael Irvin unzipped, so I don't think that is it. He definitely, DEFINITELY has something against Mya and Dmitry, what, I don't know. Has he historically been harsh against Dmitry or is it new this season? And I agree about Nigel on SYTYCD hating Dmitry too...which is odd, because he totally has his tongue up Pasha's ass, and I think Pasha is equally, but differently, much hotter than Nigel. While Len is rigid, and traditional ballroom judge, he is widely inconsistent, which I think makes him lose his credibility as a judge. He gave Kelly and Louis a higher score than Mya and Dmitry...not even close. The only reason Kelly and Louis even appear to be dancing is because he moves her around to where he wants her...it really has little to do with her.
Meth Face's vein! I had the perfect screengrab for it and was totally going to call it out but got sidetracked. Stay tuned for its nickname next week...;)
6 of 6 | Posted by happy.housewife | Posted on November 7, 2009 10:43 AM