Testimonials

The judges loved it...I'm not sure exactly what Bruno said, but it was delivered with shoulder shaking and a leer, so I'm betting it was positive. Len called her fabulous...and Carrie Ann termed her "one hot cougar." Johnnie and Marie grab 24 points for their effort.

Chita Rivera wants her eyebrows back.

Model Albert Reed and Anna have chosen the quick-step, and instead of going for a comic bit in his video, Albert explains how important ballroom dancing was to his grandparents, who were married for over fifty years, and how he's dedicating this week to his grandfather who passed away recently. It's impossible to make fun of that kind of naked, sincere sentimentality, but I can certainly ridicule one of the hats Albert was wearing during rehearsal...a chapeau I believe he stole from Rocky Balboa.

Fozzie Bear, you get every story!

Anna and Albert give it a mighty try, but his messy footwork can't be covered by his exuberance and charm this week, and it comes off as something you'd see at a bar mitzvah. The judges, too, were moved by Albert's ode to Grandpa, and find it hard to be critical, so they put the best construction on it, concentrating on his potential...which is the nice way of saying "you sucked this week, but we think you may improve if you start practicing 16 hours a day for, oh, say...the next 8 years." The score? A middle of the pack 21.

Helio Castroneves and Julianne are shown practicing their mambo, and we learn that, unlike Albert, Helio does not possess warp-drive crotch action...which I think should be the criteria by which they choose all male contestants in future seasons. They take to the floor, and in a disconcerting moment, Helio makes a face reminiscent of Pepe' Le Pew, but the resulting dance is fantastic. The crowd loves it. The judges love it. And, most importantly, I love it. Still my favorite couple. Bruno points out what I said last week: Helio is actually leading, like a man is supposed to in ballroom. He then begins gesticulating wildly in what appears to be the start of a game of charades. Carrie Ann agrees with the verbal portion of Bruno's commentary, calling the pair the "real deal." And Len pulls out more clichés: overdrive, pit stop, etc....but ultimately, it's all good. Before the scores, there is some cheap hype with the respective casts of ABCs soon-to-be-cancelled sitcoms Cavemen and Carpoolers. Look quickly, 'cause that may be the only time you see these actors, as even exposure on this top rated show isn't gonna help the tripe the network executive types are attempting to pass off as entertainment. The Brazilian and his partner's score is revealed: a well-earned 27.

Life is beautiful!!!

Jennie Garth and Julianne's brother, Derek are doing the quickstep this week. In the video, Jennie confirms my suspicions that she has all the personality of a Styrofoam cup and the intelligence of a strawberry. Or should I say, strawberry blonde. It's a bit muddled with Jennie struggling to keep up, but they're gliding across the floor, and...HEY! There's a move we've never seen in the actual performances before! Jennie is flat on her ass, and she took her partner down with her! Oh! Let's see that again! Now in slow-motion! Oooooo...that's gotta hurt...both her toucas and her pride. Isn't live television fun?

She said she was sorry. No need to kick her in the head.

The woman looks mortified, and has an expression as though she swallowed a rotting fish, as they approach the judges. Len is actually kind, only passingly referring to the "bum incident," but Bruno is more to the point, invoking the movie Titanic as part of his description. Carrie Ann calls the fall a "little mistake." You know, like being a little pregnant. They ultimately reward her with a 21. You're kidding, right? The same score for Albert and Anna, who stayed on their feet the whole time. Yeah, this system is fair. They go to Jennie to ask what happens, and the actress has the most convenient case of laryngitis ever recorded. Play that sympathy card, Jennie.

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Posted in Dancing with the Stars by CattyFan at 8:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: chooch850 on Oct 4, 2007 04:32 PM.