Testimonials

Cameron Mathison and Edyta are on deck next for a mambo. It's telling that Edyta has so little confidence in Mathison's abilities, she's now barely dressed for the rehearsal footage, as well as the performance, for which she wears only a feather boa. Cameron is also sporting fewer clothes, having borrowed Albert's half shirt from last week. Surprisingly, their routine, though not fantastic, isn't as horrible as it could have been. How's that for damning with faint praise? Carrie Ann is more generous, describing the man's appearance as that of a Greek god. Len tells him he needs to be less stiff and more "shake and bake." Perhaps Kraft is a new sponsor. Bruno tells Cam he looks like Superman but moves like Clark Kent. I can't improve on that. Another 21. How random.

Why is the women's restroom always out of toilet paper?

Floyd Mayweather and Karina had a rough time of it the first week, taking it on the chin (see? I can do cheap sports metaphors, too) for their footwork and overly forceful approach. This time the two plan to work that energy into a quickstep, but for the second time in a row, the video shows the boxer and his teacher butting heads. Will it be reflected in what they bring to the stage? As they begin their dance, Floyd reminds me a bit of Gingy from Shrek...all stiff-legged and smiley. He's making an obvious effort, and is more controlled than the first time out. Bruno is cautiously complimentary, as are Len and Carrie Ann. All agree Floyd has improved, and that's one of the things the judges look for...not necessarily who's the best. (That, of course, bodes well for Jennie, who will be improved next week just by not ending up on her lower cheeks.) And then... 21 points again. Oh. Come. On. Four couples whose scores say they performed equally mediocre. Or is that mediocrely?

How bout we settle on kinda not awesome?

Okay. Moving on...Jane Seymore and Tony will do the mambo. As I watch the video, I think to myself, "Boy...I hope I look that good when I'm her age"...knowing full well that my fondness for all things Cadbury renders that possibility nearly impossible, but I digress. As a visual aid for the concept of slinking, Tony brings in a fellow reptile. Jane seems to find the Albino boa constrictor inspiring, but it just gives me the willies. Although Jane looks lovely, she's a bit tentative. Len calls the dance an "English mambo," devoid of the sizzle the dance requires. Bruno agrees, but Carrie Ann says she liked the elegance. Here's a shocker. Jane and Tony score 21 points. What this says to me as a viewer is the judges are ambivalent about who stays and who goes.

That floor's never looked so clean! Thanks, Jane!

Finally, we're to the last dance of the night. Since my first column I learned that apparently a "Cheetah Girl" is some kind of professional dancer, albeit not a ballroom specialist...which might make Sabrina Bryan more of a Cheater Girl. She and her partner, Mark, are going for a quick-step, and the recap video tries to position Sabrina as more of an underdog who's having trouble with the moves. It isn't very convincing, and I feel slightly manipulated. Sure enough, the two turn in a pro-worthy presentation, and I have strong feelings of resentment over having a ringer in the competition. Carrie Ann declares the dancers were amazing and vibrant. Len tries to reign in Sabrina a little, and in the process gets into a squabble with Bruno during which Len christens his associate a smart ass. Bruno says Sabrina looks like a professional dancer. Could that be because SHE IS??? 26 points for this pair.

OMG that house fell on the witch! YAY!

And that's it for the week two performances. With the judges practically abdicating their responsibility, it's anybody's guess who will sent home. I'm betting it will be the cast of Cavemen.

« Heroes: Another Blessed Week without Niki | Main | Life Is Like A Box of Something Unspeakably Gruesome and Terrifying »

Posted in Dancing with the Stars by CattyFan at 8:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: chooch850 on Oct 4, 2007 04:32 PM.