Okay, on the video, Kym explains her concerns about Mark's artificial hip. This serves two purposes: 1.) it creates a built-in excuse in case their jive sucks canal water and 2.) it locks up the sympathy vote. Awwww. The billionaire has a boo-boo. If it's that risky and painful for Mark, then perhaps he shouldn't be participating...but I'm betting his very expensive specialists have all signed off on this project. He and Kym hit the wood with a song that, shockingly, has nothing to do with money, and...it's bad. They aren't even close to being in synch, and Mark's feet are flatter than Jessica Simpson when she has to sing without mechanical assistance.
The judges begin their debriefing with Bruno talking about how they started out controlled, but then lost it. I'd estimate around three bars in. Cuban is also encouraged to be "lighter on his feet." Perhaps his artificial hip is made of lead. Carrie Ann hits it out of the park when she tells him there needs to be less face dancing. I agree. It's very distracting for the feet to be doing the jive while the face is doing some sort of West Coast Swing all its own. Len compliments the choreography, not the execution. Ouch. 20 points total.
Watd'ya mean, face dancing?
Tom Bergeron previews the talent for the results show: Seal (the singer, not the cute sea mammal) and Billy Ray and Miley Cyrus...who star in The Disney Channel's (and ABC's) Hannah Montana. Damn! I lost the pool.
Jennie Garth and her partner, Derek, are next. Derek looks like he's about 14 years-old...so young, in fact, that Jennie and her husband are considering adopting him. The two are looking to redeem themselves after last week's demonstration of how to polish the floor with one's ass. In subsequent interviews, Derek has tried to be gentlemanly and take the blame, but we all know it takes two to tango...oh, wait. That's this week. Their video shows Derek wearing a Rocky hat, most likely stolen from Albert's dressing room when the model was sent packing last week, as the couple tries to put together a performance that will vault them to the top...which shouldn't be difficult, since the judges are part Dr. Phil, and will be trying to repair Jennie's damaged self-esteem.
You need to take care of you, girl!
Ms. Garth, a marginally better actor than Cameron Mathison, got the smoldering memo, and sells it better with isolation head snaps and abrupt leg kicks...all in a dress sparse enough so it's unlikely Derek will catch the hem under foot. Len describes the outcome as "sharp and tangy, like a pickle." Would that be dill or gherkin? Carrie Ann praises them for being elegant, and Bruno describes them as furies. The elegant, tangy, vengeful Greeks pull a 26.
Old Spice and the lover of Horizontal Mambos are up next. Between cigarettes, Mel tells us they will be doing the jive, as Maks takes her to see a Las Vegas show he choreographed. Then it's time for the real thing, as they take to the floor. Maks is garbed in less clothing than some of the women on the show, eschewing a shirt in favor of an open vest, and, because of that, I have no idea what Mel was wearing. It might have been black and white. It might not have been. I think most of the footwork was pretty good, but the band seemed sluggish and maybe a little groggy, like they'd been listening to Drew too long.
There was someone else dancing, but I couldn't see a thing.
Bruno likes the effort, calling Melanie a bouncing bomb-shell. Len likes the bounce and the control, and Carrie Ann gives her assent, as well. Then strangely, as they go to commercial, Mel begins humping Tom Bergeron's leg. I'm not sure why she did it, but I'm pretty sure that will cost her points, especially with Maks. Upon the show's return, it's revealed they receive 27 points for their endeavor, causing Maksim to lose his vest completely, and increasing their vote total by 25%.
Down, Old Spice!
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Comments (2)
I was bummed with Helio's score.
I was, again, one of the best on the floor, and he walked away with 24 points?
Did anyone else see him pull up after one of his leaps? I think he hurt his ankle again...add that to the scraped knee, and he totally deserved a higher score.
I hope he has a slower, less physical dance the next couple of weeks so he'll have time to heal.
1 of 2 | Posted by ThisShowRocks! | Posted on October 11, 2007 2:37 PM
Thank you for the beefcake.
Finally, you understand what we want.
2 of 2 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on October 12, 2007 12:58 PM