It's A Dance, Dance Revolution! - 
by B-Side
There was so much exciting activity on Dancing with the Stars this week! Okay, maybe not that much. It's just that there were two perfect scores, and in the spirit of optimism and pride that the Olympics inspire, I thought I'd try my hand at excessive enthusiasm for once. Needless to say, the five remaining couples sizzled on the dance floor, with Drew and Stacy jockeying for domination yet again. Any guesses on who got those perfect scores?
Now, before I started this episode, I took a gander at my Tivo. This show would be ninety minutes. Did I read that correctly? Ninety minutes? But there were only five couples. Okay, five couples AND a Viennese Waltz. That should still top out at sixty minutes. What sort of torturous filler would ABC be forcing upon us? Well, first, we received an extended "Previously on" opening montage. Then, for the first time, we also sat through a preview tease of what would be coming later in the show. And finally, at SIX minutes into the show (six minutes where nothing had happened), the professional dancers surfaced to demonstrate the five different dances we'd be seeing that evening.
This segment, although totally superfluous, was mildly amusing. Our old friend Ashly Delgross joined Louis Van Amstel in the jive -- a performance which seemed to move at hyper-speed, as opposed to the lackadaisical tempo of the house band's version of "Faith." I really thought Ashly -- who at times resembled a supersonic spinning top -- might go flying off into the stands, but Louis somehow kept her under control. And what did she do to repay him? She stuck her foot in his crotch. Yes, when pulling her between his legs, she squarely planted her high heel right in between his legs. I don't know if it was a necessary technique or what, but it looked painful and horrible. Maybe that's why Master P could never master his moves.
Ouch.
After Ashly and Louis (or Ashouis... or Louishly) left the stage, Mr. Matinee Idol himself, John Roberts, emerged with Bride of Stalin, Anna to do a little tango. They were then followed by Edyta and Max, who performed the rumba to seminal chest-thumping classic, "My Heart Will Go On." Sadly, the performance was marred by the house band's singer whose voice cracked during the song's crescendo. Maybe she got one of Edyta's feathers stuck in her mouth. Wouldn't be surprising since they were shedding all over the dance floor. Tony and Cheryl stepped out next to do the ever passionate Paso Doble, and lastly, Nick and Andrea (Kenny Mayne's unfortunate partner) took the floor to perform the quickstep. This unnecessary pastiche of dancing finally drew to a close with all the professional dancers gathering in a random group-hug/dancing-circle for the big finale. How wonderful. Now, can we start this damn show?
Something about this makes me just want to say "Tra la la la!"
Jerry & Anna
First up this week were Jerry and Anna, who were still fuming over their low scores last week. But it's all water under the bridge now, and besides, Jerry couldn't fret about scores when he had business to attend to. Yes, Jerry had to go to the Superbowl where he was honored in a pre-game MVP ceremony. And guess what? He took his buddy Anna with him. I'm surprised she didn't scoff at the whole event, saying, "What is this Superbowl? Is this a game? Why don't they play hockey? This is ridiculous. Real men don't chase a ball around. They drink vodka!"
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