Nearing The End... - 
by B-Side
The end is near. Tonight is the penultimate Dancing with the Stars episode, and what better way to get psyched (and I use that term loosely) than to relive all of last week's tears, joy, and Bublé. Yes, it was another stellar (READ: overly inflated) edition of cha chas and quick steps, but this time around, it was jam packed with all sorts of sweeps-tastic stunts and guest stars. Hulk Hogan popped up for no real reason, Nick Lachey clocked in some valuable face time, and Tom Bergeron hammed up the stage with one of the most regrettable ballroom dances of the season. One might say it was the perfect week. The only thing it was missing was Samantha Harris starting up a conga line.
Stacy & Tony
Kicking off the show were the dynamic duo that's favored to win this whole shebang: Stacy and Tony. Now, I don't know if he's been losing weight or if his hair's been growing out or what, but Tony's head has become more and more trapezoidal by the week. At this point, he's actually verging on triangle. This doesn't have much to do with anything -- just a general anthro-geomatrical observation. And yes, I just made up that term.Anyway, seeing that this was the semi-finals, the producers raised the stakes on the dancers. They would now have to learn two dances each -- one ballroom, one Latin. Stacy would be doing the quickstep and the cha cha cha, but in order to hone her craft, she really needed to get into character. Hence, she announced her two alter-egos: the "elegant and refined Priscilla" for the quickstep and the "fiery, sexy Lola" for the cha cha cha. Personally, I have a hard time associating the word "Priscilla" with elegant and refined -- mostly because "Priscilla" makes me think of "Camilla," and that makes me think of both my hefty 6th grade art teacher as well as the little chicken that Gonzo adores so much. But that's just me.
Well, Stacy may be a great dancer, but when it came to getting into character, she was having some trouble. What to do? Why, call in world renowned actress Lisa Ann Walter! What's that you say? "Who's Lisa Ann Walter?" DUH! Lisa Ann Walter! Thespian extraordinaire! I mean, hello -- she was in Shall We Dance. And let's not forget her groundbreaking work as Sexy Feminist Executive in the latter day masterpiece, Farm Sluts. Yeah, now you remember her. Anyway, Lisa Ann dropped by to teach Stacy some acting lessons, but mostly, it was just a chance for us to gaze upon her surgically augmented bosom (not to mention her trampy little blouse). I guess the best way to describe her is a low-rent Bette Midler. Well, with fierce gusto that seemed to say "Why, hello, America!!" Lisa forced Stacy to switch between Priscilla and Lola at the drop of a dime -- something that pretty much translated into Stacy cocking her head to the left or right, depending on the character. A master class with Meryl Streep this was not.
Lisa Ann Walter: ass chest and proud of it.
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