****Note from the Editor: Ladies and gents, please welcome your newest recapper to the family. bBitz!!
Ladies and Gentlemen... it's Dancing with the Stars! Season 6!! What?! Craziness! And this season looks to be like the best yet. With a line up of hot dancers and tragic celebs hurling their bodies in front of an ever-growing national audience?! How could it not be?!? Of course, there's no peg-legged drama-hound this year - BUT there is a sweet deaf girl - so props to ABC on their fantastic casting yet again.
The show opens with the line "last year was unprecedented drama" and immediately shows a clip of Marie Osmond biting it. GOD that was good TV. I'm so glad Tom Bergeron slipped that roofie in her diet tea. Crime pays.
Tom (good ol' Tommy is back in action - you know he's never letting go of this gig) warns us that they've assembled a cast like no other - cue a shot of Steve Guttenberg in a top hat and tux. Like no other what Tom? Like no other B movie starring Michael Winslow? Check and check.
The cast looks fantastically tragic and I couldn't be more excited! More on that in a bit - first we have the professional dancers in an opening number! They storm the stage and in a mess of tan skin, overly groomed eyebrows and sassiness! And the women look great too! Seriously - are there any dancers left in Vegas?! I feel like the whole cast from that Pirate show is here on stage. Apparently not everything "stays in Vegas". Except in this case, girls with real breasts. Wait. They have those in Vegas, right?
The pro's dance to "Let Me Entertain You" and I have to admit - I am entertained. They hurl themselves around the stage like exuberant little kids with rockin' bods just begging for Daddy's attention. It's really too bad their talent is about to be shat all over by B and C list celebs. But they'd still be back doing Pirate show if it wasn't for them.
Mark Ballas and Derek Hough have a hot little duo part in the number. Good to see them back. When the girls dance back on they both look at them like "Why do girls ruin EVERYTHING?!"
The number closes with an atrocious camera shot from above (really mr. producer?!? Come on! It looks like you strapped my Dad's camcorder from 1985 to the ceiling to catch that shot!) and the pro's finish - crowd goes wild - standing O' - including some freaky looking lady wearing sunglasses inside a dark theatre. Unless your Bob Dylan or Betty Ford that is just not cool.
Watch out behind you!
Tom and Samantha (yeah - she's back too - ick - where's Drew?!?) introduce our contestants for this year. Samantha mentions "this year we have our youngest competitor and our not-so-youngest woman". I wait for Priscilla Presley to march out and gut the bitch right there... but nothing. Damn.
And here they are (celebs listed first)!
Penn Jillette and Kym Johnson!
Jason Taylor and Edyta Sliwinska!
Cristian de la Fuente and Cheryl Burke!
Adam Carolla and Julianne Hough!
Mario and Karina Smirnoff!
Steve Guttenberg and Anna Trebunskaya!
Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough!
Monica Seles and Jonathon Roberts!
Marisa Jaret Winokur and Tony Dovolani!
Priscilla Presley and Louis van Amstel!
Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark Ballas!
Marlee Matlin and Fabian Sanchez!
I hope you enjoyed all of those last names cause it's the last time you'll see them written here for the rest of the season! The close up of the stars as they pan by is hysterical. Cristian's teeth are so white they look completely fake and he's staring at the camera like "Holy shit I've made it! I got out of South America alive!" Steve Guttenberg mouths "Hi Mom" to the camera. Good job Steve. Keep that fan club alive. Marisa "AKA Tracey Turnblad" now looks like Marisa "AKA Chubbier version of the Greek chick from 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'". Priscilla refuses to look straight on at the camera. I have a feeling if she does her nose completely disappears. And then there's Marlee who's giving the "I Love You" sign with both hands. Alright Marlee - we get it - you're deaf. Let's not get pushy. You don't see Priscilla waiving her AARP card around.
Tonight's the night for the men to dance and we find out that there's no elimination this week so everyone can dance together again next Monday.
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Comments (9)
Hey, let Mario do his thing! I am glad he is on this season. He's just like Sabrina, he has experience dancing but you got to think, hip hop is no where close to ballroom.
Afterall, he did get the highest score.
GO MARIO!
I feel bad for Adriane (is that her name? the one with Adam?). I don't think she'll win this season with that crappy partner of hers. i lied...I don't feel bad!
1 of 9 | Posted by sillage | Posted on March 19, 2008 2:38 PM
bBitz - I look forward to more of your DWTS recaps. I just hope you make it through the season. It seems like every time someone starts recaping this show, they disappear midway through.
I wasn't worried about Kym's leg popping off but her boob exploding. I also noticed Karina's insane amount of spray tan. She looked well done.
2 of 9 | Posted by bbjunkie | Posted on March 19, 2008 3:13 PM
Yo bBitz you are the shiznizzle.
I am definitely rooting for Kristi Yamaguchi. If she can rock it on ice she better be able to hold her own on the dance floor - woo hoo!
3 of 9 | Posted by monkeysun | Posted on March 19, 2008 5:10 PM
OMG!!! This shizzle is tooo frickin funny! Tragic it is! keep making me laugh - i need it!
4 of 9 | Posted by ralleykat | Posted on March 19, 2008 5:20 PM
This is great! Can't wait for more!!
5 of 9 | Posted by jglau78 | Posted on March 20, 2008 3:18 PM
bBitz- your recap is hilarious and oh so true! This is just a thought, but I think that the female pro dancers must fill their ass cracks with spackle and then cover them with makeup, otherwise how can they wear such low outfits?
6 of 9 | Posted by 1groovygrammy | Posted on March 20, 2008 5:10 PM
bbitz- your recap is so hilarious and so true.
Just a thought, but I think that the pro female dancers spackle their asscracks and then cover it with body makeup. Otherwise, how could their outfits be soooo low?
7 of 9 | Posted by 1groovygrammy | Posted on March 20, 2008 5:14 PM
This recap is so much better than the show! Keep the commentary going - I need the laughs!
8 of 9 | Posted by milfx2 | Posted on March 20, 2008 6:30 PM
bBitz - LOVED your column. I think I looked crazy laughing out loud at my computer here at work. Oops. ;)
Can't wait to read more!!
9 of 9 | Posted by Shootingstar47 | Posted on March 21, 2008 2:41 PM