Testimonials

Cheryl asks Cristian if he ever dances - his response "Not professionally, just as a tool of seduction." OH KEEEE-RIST! Here comes the machismo - watch out below! BOOOSH! Suddenly everything is drenched in sangria, cheap cologne and testosterone. He's worried that being the only Latino on the show means everyone will automatically think he's a good dancer. Actually I think everyone is more apt to think you should be clearing their table after dinner a little faster - but that's just me. He continues to bounce around the dance studio during rehearsal and you can see Cheryl get that "Oh for shit sake, where's the Ritalin?" look on her face.

"Mommy says I have to be really careful while dancing! I fall down go boom!"

Cristian and Cheryl dance the Cha Cha Cha. He can actually dance with some rhythm - however he's most concerned with getting applause from the audience. Crap. He's pretty good actually. We'll NEVER hear the end of this from him. We're off to the judges and Carrie is juicing herself over Cristian. Bruno tells him he looks like he's riding a bike and to put his shoulders back while dancing. Bruno then comments that "You're a sexy guy - she (Cheryl) bangs - you have to bang as hard as she does!" OMG. He totally just made a Ricky Martin reference to the only Latino guy - coincidence?! Something tells me Cristian's going to misinterpret this and our dear Cheryl is gonna be walking funny next week. Len nails him for hunched shoulders too. The scores come in and there's 7's across the board.

Tom introduces last year's winner, Helio Castroneves. Still cute - still with the gaps in the teeth. You'd think a Dancing with the Stars trophy could've bought some braces.

Next in line - Adam Carolla. Our resident "funny man". He'd better be funny with a face like that. He's self-deprecating already. Well - it's better than listening to Cristian brag about being Chilean. Julianne tries to get him to concentrate on his dancing as much as his talking. GOOD LUCK!!! Did you ever see him with Dr. Drew?!? A friggin' doctor couldn't get a word in edgewise!!!

Adam and Julianne dance the foxtrot. And by that I mean FUCKING MURDER IT. Ironically it's to "Mellow Yellow". I say ironically because it's as if they pissed al over the sport of dancing. Adam has the grace of a drunk Dad dancing with the bride's hot friends at a wedding. And he has a smirk of "this is never gonna work" the whole time. Julianne must be thinking, "You fucker! I was a winner last year! A contender!!!"

"I want to suck your... talent!"

The judges of course hate it. Bruno calls him Will Ferrel - which is totally unfair... to Will Ferrell. The judges give them 5's across the board. Adam does this thing where he starts yucking it up right before he says something "funny". I'm guessing it's the equivalent of sex with Cristian, "Oh my God! I'm gonna be so good! So good! So amazing!!!" 8 seconds later... "AHHhhhhh..." Super.

We move on to the youngest contestant in the show - Mario. UGH! Sometimes I LOATHE it when people go by one name. Some can do it. Madonna - classic. Pink - cool. Jewel - pushing it. But Mario?!? Dude, unless you're plumbing or beating a Koopa Troopa on a Nintendo game - get a last name. Mario says he's the torch carrier for his generation (being the youngest). I think he might be going a little far - but then again Priscilla is carrying her torch in a wheel chair with an IV hook-up so all is fair.

I think this is BS. Mario clearly has dance experience. He says it means nothing since he hasn't been "trained" - he's only been "taught" dance moves for his videos and concerts. OH. I SEE THE DIFFERENCE NOW. It's ok though - God sees this situation as unfair so he smites Karina's neck. She has to miss rehearsals to have a neck operation and Mario is left practicing by himself. She then reappears wearing a neck brace and a smile. What a gal. A stupid one who values winning over her health. But what a gal!

"I get an E for Effort... and Extreme Brain Damage!"

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Posted in Dancing with the Stars by bBitz at 11:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Last Comment: Shootingstar47 on Mar 21, 2008 02:41 PM.