Welcome back to our second night of Dancing with the Stars! Thanks for tuning in to my last recap (my first!) and coming back for more! There were some worries that I won't be sticking it through til the end of the season. I give you my word that no matter how exhausted and bitter I become of it - I'll stick with it until the tragic end. I've made it through several relationships that way so I'm confident.
And we're back for a second night with the ladies of dance! I seriously am excited! These ladies - oh - there's just so much to be said. It's like a treasure trove of catty goodness.
We begin the night again with my favorite sweeping camera shot of the whole cast where they each get 1 second of camera time to shine. Steve mouths "Hi Dad!" tonight. Aww - rack up one more for the ol' Steve-o fan club. Monica Seles does the stupidest white girl hand jive shimmy. If that's any indicator of her dance abilities I'm horrified. And thrilled. AGAIN Priscilla looks away from the camera as it goes by. Seriously - you guys have to watch for it. Priceless - like she's scared of it. And Marlee gives us the "I Love You" sign again. I'm beginning to worry it's the only sign she knows and she just makes up the rest of it.
Tom and Samantha introduce recap clips of last night. Best part is the little interviews in between the clips. During one of them the dialogue between Cristian and Cheryl goes:
Cristian: I've learned just to have fun and not to worry.
Cheryl: Aww - you're so good.
Cristian: Or I get beaten up.
Cheryl. Stop it. Just shut up.
I know this was probably scripted but good God I've love to see Cheryl bring the hammer down on Ricky Martin Jr.
Steve and Anna comment that if all the leaders of the world learned to dance together it'd be a happier place. Steve then goes on to say whichever president won the United Nations dance-off would rule the world. O...k. We just went from world peace to world dictatorship in 5 seconds with a faded American movie star and a Russian chick covered in 3 gallons of tanner. This is why there was a cold war - to keep these two idiots apart. And ps Steve - after witnessing the dance moves of our current President I'd say that's the worst friggin' idea ever:
During Penn and Kym's interview Penn calls Bruno a munchkin on helium. WOW. Kym's face pretty much read: "AHH FUCK. THERE GOES MY TROPHY FOR SURE."
Oh well - it's not like I had a shot anyway. At least I can be a showgirl in this jerk off's Vegas act.
Meanwhile, Mario has the balls to start giving the ladies advice. WELL - SOMEONE'S scores went right to his head. Watch it, Icarus.
The women contestants answer back with a bunch of "ra ra - go chicks!" quips. The best is when Marlee signs "The women are on fire!" and it's a man's voice. The poor girls deaf - do you think she has any idea that when she's signing everyone's hearing a guy's voice?! Come on - it makes her look like a trannie. Could ABC not find one girl anywhere that could interpret sign?! Poor Marlee. Bless her sweet deaf heart.
"Hey Marlee! How many times do I have to tell you that you sound like a man before you understand me?!"
Len warns the girls that he's grumpy tonight - so beware! Really? A stodgy, old, British dancer - grumpy?! Whhhaa?!?! What's next Len? You tell us you smell like a dusty cellar? Get out!
Time for the good stuff! First up we have Shannon Elizabeth! Apparently she's not only the nude actress from "American Pie" but she's also an excellent poker player. The boners of 3 million men, ages 55-100, just saluted you my dear. Her partner is Derek Hough. He notes that "Last year I was in the competition as a boy - this year I'm a man." Funny how the one thing that makes you question if that's really true is when someone utters that line. I wait for the "It's shake n' bake and I helped!" line to follow - but nothing.
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Comments (14)
bBitz -- you crack me up! This is the first time that I have watched this crappy show and I am glad that I have your recaps to look forward to reading.
Here is my opinion on Priscilla: she is on hr way to looking like that woman who gets plastic surgery to look like a cat.
1 of 14 | Posted by sbm713 | Posted on March 21, 2008 7:28 AM
"what the fuck does her dance partner, Louis van Amstel, hand her in the shot before her intro?"
My guess...Elvis's old pill box and its remaining contents. It could only help.
Great recap!
2 of 14 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on March 21, 2008 9:05 AM
oh my god..loved your recap of dancing with the stars. i guffawed out loud more than once while reading it.
what is wrong with priscilla's face? it is like she had dental surgery and cant open her mouth or smile for the life of her..
great recap...cant wait for next week.
3 of 14 | Posted by giggles4sy | Posted on March 21, 2008 10:48 AM
great recap. i guffawed several times while reading this at work.
and what is wrong with priscilla's face? too much dental surgery? why cant that "mature" lady smile?
cant wait for next weeks recap.....
4 of 14 | Posted by giggles4sy | Posted on March 21, 2008 10:51 AM
"I pretty sure she thinks he's referring to Elvis' fat years - but then it dawns - the DANCE MOVE!"
Horrible. But awesome.
5 of 14 | Posted by susanarosa | Posted on March 21, 2008 2:17 PM
Great recap Bbitz! That's a big show to take on, and we appreciate you for doing it! And for being hilarious too =)
I'm pretty sure Louis handed Priscilla a pair of knee pads (ya know, as a joke in regards to the death spiral, or, hmmmm...for a more nefarious purpose?) It probably would have been more obvious if they'd chosen white knee pads, but whatevs. Guess white wouldn't go with the outfit.
KUTGW!
6 of 14 | Posted by zbird | Posted on March 21, 2008 3:15 PM
Oh bBitz - you are too funny. If you keep up this level of quality snark, you will become my favorite recaper! I can't even pick my favorite comment. I agreed with about every comment you made.
It looked like Louis handed Priscilla some sort of Elvis doll, but zbird is probably correct with the knee pad guess.
Keep up the great job!
7 of 14 | Posted by bbjunkie | Posted on March 21, 2008 5:56 PM
bBitz...loved your recap ~ you made me laugh so hard! The whole thing was so hilarious... Keep up the great work and thanks. I, too, will look so forward to your next one(s)...
And, I have no idea what LVA is handing Priscilla ~ very bizarre...
8 of 14 | Posted by lijjy | Posted on March 24, 2008 2:42 PM
bBitz- I am actually a fan of Dancing with the Stars so much of what you wrote I found offensive- except the part about the deaf lady- now that was funny!!
No really- I was laughing pretty hard and sooo excited that you picked up on Samantha's goof when she held the microphone out for Marlee.
Can't wait to read your recap about tonight's show!
9 of 14 | Posted by KMACK | Posted on March 24, 2008 4:54 PM
Too funny! I love Mario though, and definitely love the ice princess. Is Mark still with Sabrina? Anyone know?? I love them together.
10 of 14 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on March 26, 2008 2:23 PM
Mark is mos def still with Sabrina, she was in the audience last night and she is keeping a close eye on him!
But do we really believe Mark is into girls? Now that is the real question.
Thanks bBitz you're a recap stud!
11 of 14 | Posted by waggiemaggie | Posted on March 26, 2008 7:03 PM
No shit... ur right on point with the funniest spin it. Keep it up... i need my daily dose of laughter, plus a good ab work out never hurt anyone. I'm excited for next weeks episode and your commentary. BTW, Doesn't Monica look like a cracked out version of Celine Dion?.. or is it the other way around?
12 of 14 | Posted by ralleykat | Posted on March 28, 2008 12:03 PM
I read on Dlisted.com that Priscilla is one of the celebrity victims of a doctor from Argentina who was injecting his clients with low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lube auto parts. That may explain why her face is so crazy looking now...
13 of 14 | Posted by jesusloveswinners | Posted on March 28, 2008 4:16 PM
Shout out to zbird! I do believe you had the correct answer!! Or at least the one that made most sense. Thanks for your help!
14 of 14 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 2, 2008 1:03 AM