The moment Carrie starts with "Marissa - I love your style - you've got sass!" we know that it's headed downhill for our little chubbers. Judges complementing you on looks and attitude is the equivalent of saying "The costumes were GREAT!" after seeing a friend's show. (This is my handy stand-by compliment!) Carrie then says she was looking for more content - as do the rest of the judges. They all chew Tony out for simple choreography and not giving Chubbers a chance! I concur! Let's make her do a back flip next week! Just warn me so I can hold on to something when she does.
Time for scores. Marissa is still freaking out and so excited. You gotta love her for her spirit. And it's... 6's across the board! (Side note: To the producers of "Dancing with the Stars": That little "bum-bum" drum noise after each judge holds up their score is ridiculous. And I plan on boycotting it unless you invite me to the show to do it myself. Cheers, bBitz.)
It's time for what I truly to believe will be the most awkwardly beautiful wreck in DWTS history - Priscilla Presley!!!
Ok folks - I need your help here - what the fuck does her dance partner, Louis van Amstel, hand her in the shot before her intro?! I know it's a joke but what the fuck is it?!
I watched it 10 times and couldn't figure it out. Is it a harness?! Is he giving her back her undies? Did he borrow a garter belt?! Whoever tells me gets a shout out in the next recap. Hey - it's all I gots to give.
In her intro she comments that she's known for being in the "Naked Gun" movies (nope), being on "Dallas" (umm - not so much) but probably best know for being married to Elvis Presley - BIIIINGOOOO! The opening shot is of her dancing on Graceland's lawn and/or Elvis' grave. Louis is introduced and says that competition runs through his veins. He has quite possibly the most angular face I've ever seen. Wait - nope - take that back - they just did a close up of Priscilla. What is UP with HER face? Honey - take it down a notch! It looks like someone took an air pump to Michael Jackson's face and dropped it on your shoulders. She looks like the female version of the Joker! It's like every episode of Nip/Tuck shoved between two ears. I could go on but I'll save them for future re-caps. Feel free to post your favorite "What Priscilla's face looks like!"
They begin practicing and Priscilla tells Louis that she doesn't want to be handled delicately. OH! She wants to be HANDLED Louis! There's a reason she got to nail the most wanted man of all time - she's an ANIMAL! She's unstoppable - she's - umm - she's looking at a pair of heels and trying to figure out how to put them on.
These are the strangest gloves I've ever seen!
Louis and Priscilla start rehearsal right after Louis creams himself because he's getting to dance with the lady that had Elvis' hands all over her. At one point Priscilla says - "You have no idea what's going on in my head!" We don't! But please say it's the mental image you got when your daughter said she was boinking Michael Jackson! Ahh crap. She just utters some BS about dance steps. Boresville.
Louis tells Priscilla that he wants to attempt the "Death Spiral"! Her response, "HUH?!" I pretty sure she thinks he's referring to Elvis' fat years - but then it dawns - the DANCE MOVE!
Time for the dance - a fox trot! Priscilla looks really freakin' tense but then wow - Louis throws her around like a rag doll! He's HANDLING HER! Suddenly her body is a wash of fluid movement and passion - except her face which is of course plastered "stoic" 24/7. And then here comes the big "Death Spiral"! Sha-za! She pulls it off! She spiraled faster than Lohan straight outta rehab! Then Louis pops her back up for a big finish and even her hair plays along and falls just so on her Frankenstein face! Beautiful!!!
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Comments (14)
bBitz -- you crack me up! This is the first time that I have watched this crappy show and I am glad that I have your recaps to look forward to reading.
Here is my opinion on Priscilla: she is on hr way to looking like that woman who gets plastic surgery to look like a cat.
1 of 14 | Posted by sbm713 | Posted on March 21, 2008 7:28 AM
"what the fuck does her dance partner, Louis van Amstel, hand her in the shot before her intro?"
My guess...Elvis's old pill box and its remaining contents. It could only help.
Great recap!
2 of 14 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on March 21, 2008 9:05 AM
oh my god..loved your recap of dancing with the stars. i guffawed out loud more than once while reading it.
what is wrong with priscilla's face? it is like she had dental surgery and cant open her mouth or smile for the life of her..
great recap...cant wait for next week.
3 of 14 | Posted by giggles4sy | Posted on March 21, 2008 10:48 AM
great recap. i guffawed several times while reading this at work.
and what is wrong with priscilla's face? too much dental surgery? why cant that "mature" lady smile?
cant wait for next weeks recap.....
4 of 14 | Posted by giggles4sy | Posted on March 21, 2008 10:51 AM
"I pretty sure she thinks he's referring to Elvis' fat years - but then it dawns - the DANCE MOVE!"
Horrible. But awesome.
5 of 14 | Posted by susanarosa | Posted on March 21, 2008 2:17 PM
Great recap Bbitz! That's a big show to take on, and we appreciate you for doing it! And for being hilarious too =)
I'm pretty sure Louis handed Priscilla a pair of knee pads (ya know, as a joke in regards to the death spiral, or, hmmmm...for a more nefarious purpose?) It probably would have been more obvious if they'd chosen white knee pads, but whatevs. Guess white wouldn't go with the outfit.
KUTGW!
6 of 14 | Posted by zbird | Posted on March 21, 2008 3:15 PM
Oh bBitz - you are too funny. If you keep up this level of quality snark, you will become my favorite recaper! I can't even pick my favorite comment. I agreed with about every comment you made.
It looked like Louis handed Priscilla some sort of Elvis doll, but zbird is probably correct with the knee pad guess.
Keep up the great job!
7 of 14 | Posted by bbjunkie | Posted on March 21, 2008 5:56 PM
bBitz...loved your recap ~ you made me laugh so hard! The whole thing was so hilarious... Keep up the great work and thanks. I, too, will look so forward to your next one(s)...
And, I have no idea what LVA is handing Priscilla ~ very bizarre...
8 of 14 | Posted by lijjy | Posted on March 24, 2008 2:42 PM
bBitz- I am actually a fan of Dancing with the Stars so much of what you wrote I found offensive- except the part about the deaf lady- now that was funny!!
No really- I was laughing pretty hard and sooo excited that you picked up on Samantha's goof when she held the microphone out for Marlee.
Can't wait to read your recap about tonight's show!
9 of 14 | Posted by KMACK | Posted on March 24, 2008 4:54 PM
Too funny! I love Mario though, and definitely love the ice princess. Is Mark still with Sabrina? Anyone know?? I love them together.
10 of 14 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on March 26, 2008 2:23 PM
Mark is mos def still with Sabrina, she was in the audience last night and she is keeping a close eye on him!
But do we really believe Mark is into girls? Now that is the real question.
Thanks bBitz you're a recap stud!
11 of 14 | Posted by waggiemaggie | Posted on March 26, 2008 7:03 PM
No shit... ur right on point with the funniest spin it. Keep it up... i need my daily dose of laughter, plus a good ab work out never hurt anyone. I'm excited for next weeks episode and your commentary. BTW, Doesn't Monica look like a cracked out version of Celine Dion?.. or is it the other way around?
12 of 14 | Posted by ralleykat | Posted on March 28, 2008 12:03 PM
I read on Dlisted.com that Priscilla is one of the celebrity victims of a doctor from Argentina who was injecting his clients with low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lube auto parts. That may explain why her face is so crazy looking now...
13 of 14 | Posted by jesusloveswinners | Posted on March 28, 2008 4:16 PM
Shout out to zbird! I do believe you had the correct answer!! Or at least the one that made most sense. Thanks for your help!
14 of 14 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 2, 2008 1:03 AM