This is the first time Fabian, her dance partner, is on Dancing with the Stars. This is not the first time, however, that there's been a flaming homo on the show. What was the sign for flames again Marlee?
Fabian's on FIRE!
Don't worry though - he'll be totally cool and no drama when he tells us he found out his dance partner is deaf:
Then again. Maybe not.
So rehearsals start and what's the first thing Fabian tries to do??! BLAST MUSIC AS LOUD AS HE CAN TO SEE IF SHE'LL HEAR IT!!! What the fuck?! I'm glad she's not cripple! "Ok Marlee - I'm gonna set fire to your wheel chair and see if you can walk."
Marlee of course looks at him like the asshole he is. "Still can't hear anything dumbass." Can you imagine if this ruse worked?! What would the shows be like?! "Ok folks - we have to turn the sound up to 3,000 decibels so Marlee can hear it!" People would run screaming from the theatre with blood pouring from their ears. Good thinking FABIAN!
A better idea would have been to incorporate the interpreter into the dance. Now THAT'S entertainment! Fling that fucker around and have Marlee tap her foot and smile.
Here we are - the final dance - only one star to go - and it's the Cha Cha Cha! They're dancing to "Get On Your Feet" by Gloria Esteban. And they do the little "Come on - get on your feet!" wave to the audience. What a cheap ploy for a standing ovation! Panderers I say! Marlee does a lot of shimmy shimmy dancing - not many steps - just like a long awkward drunk/sexy walk. Fabian keeps touching and grabbing her head and directing it.
She's your dance partner Fabian - she's not in the process of giving you a BJ - hands off!!
Yikes. What's the sign for "Take a deep breath!!!"
They finish there dance with a lil' pizzaz and it's off to the judges table. Carrie applauds her on being an inspiration but then reminds her that she will be judged just the same way as everyone else. I wait to see the sign for "Well then fuck this I'm outta here!" from Marlee but she decides to take the high road. Len likes it but tells her to not "fling" her arms around. That's how she says "Hello" Len. Geez. Bruno says that although she can't hear the music, it runs through her "Blahd"! And then he comments that he counted all the way through and she didn't miss a beat. They all cheer. Whoa whoa - he counted all the way through - for what?! If she missed one beat was he really gonna nail her for it!?! What a DICK! I take back every nice thing I was ever going to say about you Bruno. Evil!
Tom announces that next week the "hottest selling ticket" will be there - The Jonas Brothers! Tom, THEY'RE not the hottest selling ticket - that jr lesbian Hannah Montana is. So really we're just getting back up singers next week.
Samantha interviews Marlee and Fabian. My favorite part is when Samantha absent-mindedly puts the microphone in front of Marlee's mouth and gets all confused when the voice comes from the interpreter standing behind her. She then gives a "Oh yeah - she's deaf" nod and yanks it back away. Classic!!!!
The judges score - Carrie: 7, Len: 7 and Bruno... 8!!! Holy shit! Someone actually voted different from the rest! Although I feel like it was a bit of a pity vote. I have a feeling Bruno beat up a deaf kid once and he feels this is his redemption.
Looking at the rankings for the evening - Kristi and Mark take the cake and Monica "Roboto" Seles and Jonathon come in last. Wow. Monica Seles, you just got beat by a girl that can't even hear the music!!! What are you gonna do?! "I'm going to... my house to cause a family emergency!" We thought so.
So that's it! Another long, long show under my belt. Shit! Hope you guys liked it. Let me know what you think of the ladies! Will there be a showdown between Shannon and Kristi?! Will Priscilla's face fly off!? Will MJW come back next week missing her partner but have a full tummy?! Will Marlee sleep through her alarm and miss the whole competition?! Dish it!
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Comments (14)
bBitz -- you crack me up! This is the first time that I have watched this crappy show and I am glad that I have your recaps to look forward to reading.
Here is my opinion on Priscilla: she is on hr way to looking like that woman who gets plastic surgery to look like a cat.
1 of 14 | Posted by sbm713 | Posted on March 21, 2008 7:28 AM
"what the fuck does her dance partner, Louis van Amstel, hand her in the shot before her intro?"
My guess...Elvis's old pill box and its remaining contents. It could only help.
Great recap!
2 of 14 | Posted by cattyfan | Posted on March 21, 2008 9:05 AM
oh my god..loved your recap of dancing with the stars. i guffawed out loud more than once while reading it.
what is wrong with priscilla's face? it is like she had dental surgery and cant open her mouth or smile for the life of her..
great recap...cant wait for next week.
3 of 14 | Posted by giggles4sy | Posted on March 21, 2008 10:48 AM
great recap. i guffawed several times while reading this at work.
and what is wrong with priscilla's face? too much dental surgery? why cant that "mature" lady smile?
cant wait for next weeks recap.....
4 of 14 | Posted by giggles4sy | Posted on March 21, 2008 10:51 AM
"I pretty sure she thinks he's referring to Elvis' fat years - but then it dawns - the DANCE MOVE!"
Horrible. But awesome.
5 of 14 | Posted by susanarosa | Posted on March 21, 2008 2:17 PM
Great recap Bbitz! That's a big show to take on, and we appreciate you for doing it! And for being hilarious too =)
I'm pretty sure Louis handed Priscilla a pair of knee pads (ya know, as a joke in regards to the death spiral, or, hmmmm...for a more nefarious purpose?) It probably would have been more obvious if they'd chosen white knee pads, but whatevs. Guess white wouldn't go with the outfit.
KUTGW!
6 of 14 | Posted by zbird | Posted on March 21, 2008 3:15 PM
Oh bBitz - you are too funny. If you keep up this level of quality snark, you will become my favorite recaper! I can't even pick my favorite comment. I agreed with about every comment you made.
It looked like Louis handed Priscilla some sort of Elvis doll, but zbird is probably correct with the knee pad guess.
Keep up the great job!
7 of 14 | Posted by bbjunkie | Posted on March 21, 2008 5:56 PM
bBitz...loved your recap ~ you made me laugh so hard! The whole thing was so hilarious... Keep up the great work and thanks. I, too, will look so forward to your next one(s)...
And, I have no idea what LVA is handing Priscilla ~ very bizarre...
8 of 14 | Posted by lijjy | Posted on March 24, 2008 2:42 PM
bBitz- I am actually a fan of Dancing with the Stars so much of what you wrote I found offensive- except the part about the deaf lady- now that was funny!!
No really- I was laughing pretty hard and sooo excited that you picked up on Samantha's goof when she held the microphone out for Marlee.
Can't wait to read your recap about tonight's show!
9 of 14 | Posted by KMACK | Posted on March 24, 2008 4:54 PM
Too funny! I love Mario though, and definitely love the ice princess. Is Mark still with Sabrina? Anyone know?? I love them together.
10 of 14 | Posted by couchpotato | Posted on March 26, 2008 2:23 PM
Mark is mos def still with Sabrina, she was in the audience last night and she is keeping a close eye on him!
But do we really believe Mark is into girls? Now that is the real question.
Thanks bBitz you're a recap stud!
11 of 14 | Posted by waggiemaggie | Posted on March 26, 2008 7:03 PM
No shit... ur right on point with the funniest spin it. Keep it up... i need my daily dose of laughter, plus a good ab work out never hurt anyone. I'm excited for next weeks episode and your commentary. BTW, Doesn't Monica look like a cracked out version of Celine Dion?.. or is it the other way around?
12 of 14 | Posted by ralleykat | Posted on March 28, 2008 12:03 PM
I read on Dlisted.com that Priscilla is one of the celebrity victims of a doctor from Argentina who was injecting his clients with low-grade silicone similar to what's used to lube auto parts. That may explain why her face is so crazy looking now...
13 of 14 | Posted by jesusloveswinners | Posted on March 28, 2008 4:16 PM
Shout out to zbird! I do believe you had the correct answer!! Or at least the one that made most sense. Thanks for your help!
14 of 14 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 2, 2008 1:03 AM