Priscilla and Louis are up next. She's looking better this week. I think the extra half pound of make-up she's using is helping out! During rehearsal she says the mambo can be "sexy at any age". True. But 104 is pushing it.
Their Mambo begins and Pri is actually off to a great start - she's sassy, she's confident and yet she's still really, really old - it can be done! Apparently though she had to skin both a leopard and an ostrich to make this outfit happen:
Look! She laid the gayest ostrich egg ever!
She seemed a little drunk in her step work but her "I could give a fuck" style of dancing is really winning me over! And what?! She ends the dancing with this cat-like crawl on the floor towards the camera:
She's the ultimate COUGAR!!!
Carrie compliments her passion AND her growling! I would pay money to see those two go at it. Claws out, swinging, screaming - Carrie would be fucked - if Pri lost any of her face she could just pick it up and snap it back on.
Oh and then there's Len - who CLEARLY wants to nail our girl Pri! What?! Yes. He said he wanted to see a little bit more of "Go on girl - get in there!" Although that sounds really gay now that I wrote it out. Maybe Len's bi. ICK.
Back in the green room Priscilla says Louis makes her work for it "harder and harder and harder". This is the most sexually charged episode of "Dancing with the Stars" ever! Hose her down!
The judges all give 7's which is pretty weak. I think a grown woman crawling around on the ground deserves at least 8's. Or a dirty, sweaty dollar bill. Either way.
Shannon and Jason are up next - and how does Shannon start it out?! By whining that her scores were TOO HIGH!!! Honey - they were grading you on your dancing - not your "horrific OMG it's so bad I laugh" acting. Take what you can get.
Derek is worried about her stamina so he takes her hiking. Usually I'd say not to follow a guy you just met up into the woods, but the worst this one's gonna do is give you an ambush makeover.
They start their dance and Shannon's doing fantastic. She's throwing those Barbie legs around. At one point they do a cheap little trick and use the judge's table for a dance move. Shannon makes a point to thrust her chest as hard as she can at the boys.
Gimme double 10's and you can have these double D's!
Bruno goes ape-y and loves it! He even pounds on the desk with man-like qualities! Carrie loves it too and finally Len gives her a "Best Dance So Far!" compliment. Set your watch Shannon - the Yamaguchinator is on its way and your time to shine is limited!
Side note: Next week is Kylie Minogue! EEEEE!! I hope she sings "Locomotion".
Back in the green room Derek says he slaps Shannon around a bit when she doesn't listen. Please get that on film for next week!
The judges give them 8's! Yeah Shannon. You can cut yourself a little less this week!
Jason and Edyta are up. During rehearsal Edyta says how she wants to really test Jason this week and then she does a move that goes like this:
Just so we're clear - when months down the road we find out these two are nailing - and you're thinking - "I wonder when that started?" - it was right here - this shot right here.
And so their mambo/affair begins! And it's HOT! OMG! He throws her around like he IS the mambo king! Fast steps, suave swaying, and he HANDLES her! Rowr. During the end he swings her around the floor and I'm almost sure they're gonna have to bring a zamboni out after she's done with it. He finally yanks her up and they ALMOST kiss. I think I'M sexally frustrated now just from watching it.
Len loves is and says Jason is a winner and not a sinner this week. Bruno calls him a STAR (go figure) and Carrie says that she thinks Jason could go on to win the whole thing!
The judges give them 9's all the way! WHAT?! OMG - Yamaguchi-san - get out there and start kicking ass! Monica "Roboto" - activate!
« Top Chef: There Goes the Neighborhood | Main | You Are Being Watched, So You Will Behave. »
Comments (8)
Great blog, keep up the good work. I love DWTS, but you are right... it is getting rather ridiculous.
GO KRISTI!
1 of 8 | Posted by squibby | Posted on March 29, 2008 2:48 PM
this whole recap was wrong on so many levels, but oh so funny.
And yes, Penn IS an asshole. Im finding Carrolla less disgusting by the day (especially since his Tourrettes acted up last week and he shouted BITCH at Carrie Ann. LOL Carrolla)
Jason Taylor is effing HAWT. Mark this on your calendar: Im calling him as the winner right here and now.
2 of 8 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 29, 2008 7:43 PM
Oh my God, this recap is so wrong, but I love it though.
I called Jason Taylor the winner on the first episode. Kristi might be the best one, it's going to be about a guy again this year.
3 of 8 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on March 30, 2008 6:35 AM
I'd never heard of Jason Taylor before this DWTS, but daaaaayum. She is soooo going to be nailing him, if she's not already!
I think Yamaguchi will take it. I was one of those that thought she had an unfair advantage, but if you think about it, not so much. Sure, she would be better with following the music and being graceful with her hands and body, but she's never had to worry about her feet as much. The blades and ice did all the motion work.
4 of 8 | Posted by snarky | Posted on March 30, 2008 10:21 AM
Cristian is so hotter than Jason. Jason has a strange alien head. I think Jason's head was used as the model for the aliens at the end of CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE 3RD KIND.
Cristian is way sexier and he doesn't have an alien head.
5 of 8 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 30, 2008 6:03 PM
bBitz,
Good recap, but you know Yamaguchi is Japanese and foot binding is a Chinese tradition, right? Or did you just think that all Asians should be offended by Penn's comment...
6 of 8 | Posted by jesusloveswinners | Posted on March 31, 2008 1:02 PM
To "jesusloveswinners":
I actually did know that but you'll notice I ignore fact for a good joke quite often. :) BTW - Does your ID refer to a line from "DDG". You're my hero if it does!
7 of 8 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 2, 2008 12:57 AM
bBitz - good to know. :) Sometimes I miss the joke when overwhelmed by a compulsion to correct...
And yes, my ID is absolutely a reference to DDG - I'm glad someone else is a fan.
8 of 8 | Posted by jesusloveswinners | Posted on April 2, 2008 6:10 PM