Back in the green room Carrie asks Jason what he feels like the mood is "back here". It's a green room Carrie - not a locker room - no matter how much you want to see Jason walk around in a towel. Because that would be wrong. And dirty. Rowr. Carrie's a ho!
Next up MJW and Tony! Oh GOD. And it goes right into her crying about not being able to do the things the other girls (with long legs and distinguishable ankles) could do. PS - She's crying about this while she's eating of course.
Their quick-step begins and they take off with quite a rump shakin' start. Chubber's legs are really working double-time to keep up with Tony's. It's like watching a Peanuts character dance across the floor with an Italian Jack Skeleton.
Just to give you an idea how she felt about her dance - this is how Chubbers looked at the end:
I'M A STAR! MEEEE!!!!!
Carrie starts out with an "I love you girl". UH OHHHH. Yet again that's an indicator for "YOU SUUUCK". And Carrie says just that in the nicest way possible. Len says it was a great improvement - he loves Chubbers. And Bruno loves Chubbers too! Let's all show some love for Chubbers!
The scores come out and BAM - 7's across the board for... CHUBBERS!!! I'd celebrate but all I can think about is how they both look like they're gonna eat each other:
It's Guy Smiley and his wife Chubbers!
Now we're on to Adam and Julianne. There's something about Adam rehearsing the Mambo in sweats and doing moves like this:
That makes me wretch.
The mambo starts and Adam of course continues to walk around the floor and call it dancing. To Julianne's credit, she dresses like a complete sex dragon to derail the audience's attention. Next time use fireworks and a cannon sweetie.
Before Adam gets the judge's critiques he goes on a fake rant about Guttenberg being out of control. Dear Adam, Please leave your retarded, unfunny humor to your radio station where we can scan by it to the just as bad but slightly more tolerable Ryan Seacrest. Cheers, bBitz.
We go to the judges where Bruno HAS THE AUDACITY TO CALL IT ANYTHING BUT AWFUL! What?! He says he loves it because it made him laugh. Hey - MJW eating a bag of pork rinds makes me laugh but that doesn't mean I love it. Or something.
Carrie grills Adam over him calling her a bitch last week. WHAT?! How in the hell did I miss THAT delightful moment?! I friggin' analyze every second and I miss THAT?! Wow. I suck. HOWEVER I saw Mark Ballas in a parking garage today and gave him a honk and a wave just for all you peeps out there. Do I get my cool cred's back? I THOUGHT so!
Len says he thought Adam was delightful. Apparently the meds kick in around half-way through the show. Maybe they're afraid he'll make more jokes.
Back in the green room Adam tells us that he's in love with another man in the audience - I suppose he means Jimmy Kimmel but it would've been funnier if he said it was Carrie. Bitch would have went CRRRRRRRRAAAAAZY!
Carrie and Bruno give Adam 6's while Len gives him a highly medicated 7. WTF Len!!!???
Next up Marlee and Fabian!!! Fabian asks Marlee if she could hear the music last week and she says it sounded like she was in the shower and the music was playing in the other room. I'M SORRY WHAT?! YOU COULD HEAR SOMETHING?!?! I'm sorry - I was lead to believe you were DEAF. She should be disqualified! She was chosen for the show because she's handicapped and now she can hear things from a shower?!? Unfair! You don't see MJW taking off a fat suit or Priscilla taking off her face!!! How dare you Marlee!!
Anyways, the producers treat us to a little clip to help us realize what it may have sounded like for Marlee. Oh. Oh. Ooooohhh. She can't hear shit. Nevermind - carry on!
Marlee and Fabian start their quick-step and let me say - she looks beautiful! Her feet are moving quick but I can't be sure they're going in the right directions. However, they're so committed I'd believe it - look at their faces:
AHHH! Here she comes! Don't move! She can only sense movement!! Right?!
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Comments (8)
Great blog, keep up the good work. I love DWTS, but you are right... it is getting rather ridiculous.
GO KRISTI!
1 of 8 | Posted by squibby | Posted on March 29, 2008 2:48 PM
this whole recap was wrong on so many levels, but oh so funny.
And yes, Penn IS an asshole. Im finding Carrolla less disgusting by the day (especially since his Tourrettes acted up last week and he shouted BITCH at Carrie Ann. LOL Carrolla)
Jason Taylor is effing HAWT. Mark this on your calendar: Im calling him as the winner right here and now.
2 of 8 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 29, 2008 7:43 PM
Oh my God, this recap is so wrong, but I love it though.
I called Jason Taylor the winner on the first episode. Kristi might be the best one, it's going to be about a guy again this year.
3 of 8 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on March 30, 2008 6:35 AM
I'd never heard of Jason Taylor before this DWTS, but daaaaayum. She is soooo going to be nailing him, if she's not already!
I think Yamaguchi will take it. I was one of those that thought she had an unfair advantage, but if you think about it, not so much. Sure, she would be better with following the music and being graceful with her hands and body, but she's never had to worry about her feet as much. The blades and ice did all the motion work.
4 of 8 | Posted by snarky | Posted on March 30, 2008 10:21 AM
Cristian is so hotter than Jason. Jason has a strange alien head. I think Jason's head was used as the model for the aliens at the end of CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE 3RD KIND.
Cristian is way sexier and he doesn't have an alien head.
5 of 8 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 30, 2008 6:03 PM
bBitz,
Good recap, but you know Yamaguchi is Japanese and foot binding is a Chinese tradition, right? Or did you just think that all Asians should be offended by Penn's comment...
6 of 8 | Posted by jesusloveswinners | Posted on March 31, 2008 1:02 PM
To "jesusloveswinners":
I actually did know that but you'll notice I ignore fact for a good joke quite often. :) BTW - Does your ID refer to a line from "DDG". You're my hero if it does!
7 of 8 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 2, 2008 12:57 AM
bBitz - good to know. :) Sometimes I miss the joke when overwhelmed by a compulsion to correct...
And yes, my ID is absolutely a reference to DDG - I'm glad someone else is a fan.
8 of 8 | Posted by jesusloveswinners | Posted on April 2, 2008 6:10 PM