Len says he would have liked a more traditional quick step. Like back in the old days when he quick stepped with Queen Elizabeth II. Fantastic times those were! Carrie tells Marlee she loves her musicality - which to me, is like telling a blind kid you love his t-shirt. Nice Carrie. Thoughtless!
Back in the greenroom Samantha tries to get Marlee to speak into the microphone AGAIN!!!!!
Are you kidding!?!? She's got one fucking job!!!! OMG do it right!!! Luckily Marlee shoves it back playfully and I think "Useless Samantha" finally takes the hint. If not, the interpreter keeps reminding her. Ok buddy - we get it - you're excited about being on TV. Pipe down.
Marlee mentions that she got an email from someone that asked "Are you going to be deaf for the whole show?" Couple of things I have to say:
1. That is hysterical.
2. It was not me.
3. If it was me I would've typed it in Braille just to add to the fun of it.
4. It wasn't from me for sure because I'm positive Samantha sent it. What a bitch.
The judges give her 8's! Wow! I would've liked a reaction shot of Seles when she saw she got beat by the girl who can't even hear the music AGAIN.
Who's next?! Oh it's only... KRISTI YAMAGUCHI!!!! Woo woo! And Mark "Hey - saw you in a parking garage! Whaaaaat??" Ballas. By the way, some of you have pondered - is our dear little Marky gay? Hmmm...
I don't know...
I'll let the photos...
Speak for themselves... yikes.
Anyways, to be fair he added the skirt to show Kristi how to act feminine. I thought deep throating a banana was a little unnecessary but - he's dedicated. (If you missed it, I'm sure it'll be in the director's cut)
Their Mambo beings and WOOOOOWWWW! First of all - congrats Mark on nailing the first rule of getting votes in reality TV - less clothes. Secondly - Kristi is a Harajuku girl! Love it! They are dancing like friggin' craziness and I don't even know how to describe it. And they end in this pose:
I think she gave MARK a chubber!
The judges of course eat it up. Although snotty little Carrie has to ask AGAIN if Kristi has had any prior experience. Listen - we all know Kristi is an amazing figure skater, is super-talented - blah blah blah - but the time to think about that was BEFORE you put her on the show! Now that she's there I hope she wrecks the place. Just like Sanjaya on American Idol last year - but the opposite. Although I think he was a Harajuku girl too.
Len and Bruno go fucking nuts too. Bruno is borderline talking without an accent he's so jazzed.
Back in the green room, Samantha blabbers on useless shit the producers told her to say. "Are you afraid you've raised the stakes too high for yourself Kristi?" How do you answer that?!? UGH! Carrie - you need to get into local reporting. "Your house just burned down and you're shot - how do you feel about all of this?" USELESS!
The judges give 9's and I'm peeved. There should have been a 10 in there!!!
Mario and Karina are our FINAL contestants! Karina is working on getting Mario's feet right. So she takes him to the beach to get him to learn to dance in the sand - since it'll help his feet. Did you ever have those moments where you're watching TV and you think "Ugh. When the producers run out of ideas do they just say 'Ahh - fuck it - how do we get them to take off their clothes and do it?'" By the looks of this segment - yes:
Mario and Karina start the quick step. Apparently Mario's sleeves got caught (along with his taste) on something on the way out. Karina jumps off of the stage into his arms. Do you think they'd cut and re-tape if he had dropped her on her head? Why does nothing ever happen like that!? They dance pretty well and you can definitely tell they're banging. Awesome.
Len gets all technical about the arms and after the audience wakes up from a nap they start to boo him to which he gets all PISSY about. But in a British sort of way - so it's comical. Bruno feels the same way but he's not British so it just comes off as gay.
Carrie says he's HOT. Ick. I can smell her in heat from here.
Carrie and Bruno give Mario a nine, while Len, still pissy, gives him an 8!
« Top Chef: There Goes the Neighborhood | Main | You Are Being Watched, So You Will Behave. »
Comments (8)
Great blog, keep up the good work. I love DWTS, but you are right... it is getting rather ridiculous.
GO KRISTI!
1 of 8 | Posted by squibby | Posted on March 29, 2008 2:48 PM
this whole recap was wrong on so many levels, but oh so funny.
And yes, Penn IS an asshole. Im finding Carrolla less disgusting by the day (especially since his Tourrettes acted up last week and he shouted BITCH at Carrie Ann. LOL Carrolla)
Jason Taylor is effing HAWT. Mark this on your calendar: Im calling him as the winner right here and now.
2 of 8 | Posted by here4beer | Posted on March 29, 2008 7:43 PM
Oh my God, this recap is so wrong, but I love it though.
I called Jason Taylor the winner on the first episode. Kristi might be the best one, it's going to be about a guy again this year.
3 of 8 | Posted by bigjr6633 | Posted on March 30, 2008 6:35 AM
I'd never heard of Jason Taylor before this DWTS, but daaaaayum. She is soooo going to be nailing him, if she's not already!
I think Yamaguchi will take it. I was one of those that thought she had an unfair advantage, but if you think about it, not so much. Sure, she would be better with following the music and being graceful with her hands and body, but she's never had to worry about her feet as much. The blades and ice did all the motion work.
4 of 8 | Posted by snarky | Posted on March 30, 2008 10:21 AM
Cristian is so hotter than Jason. Jason has a strange alien head. I think Jason's head was used as the model for the aliens at the end of CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE 3RD KIND.
Cristian is way sexier and he doesn't have an alien head.
5 of 8 | Posted by weasel dearest | Posted on March 30, 2008 6:03 PM
bBitz,
Good recap, but you know Yamaguchi is Japanese and foot binding is a Chinese tradition, right? Or did you just think that all Asians should be offended by Penn's comment...
6 of 8 | Posted by jesusloveswinners | Posted on March 31, 2008 1:02 PM
To "jesusloveswinners":
I actually did know that but you'll notice I ignore fact for a good joke quite often. :) BTW - Does your ID refer to a line from "DDG". You're my hero if it does!
7 of 8 | Posted by bBitz | Posted on April 2, 2008 12:57 AM
bBitz - good to know. :) Sometimes I miss the joke when overwhelmed by a compulsion to correct...
And yes, my ID is absolutely a reference to DDG - I'm glad someone else is a fan.
8 of 8 | Posted by jesusloveswinners | Posted on April 2, 2008 6:10 PM