"At last. The grand culmination of our charade."
I feel it only fair to warn you that tonight's episode of Date My Ex takes about 30 seconds worth of information and stretches it into an entire hour of sub-par programming. I kid you not. It is my pleasure to bring to you a retelling of this programming, along with my own thoughts on the matter, so read on if you dare. See you on the flipside!
And the maddening suspense continues. Remember, Slade has just inserted himself in between Chris and Lucas and announced to Blonde Bangs that he wants to take Jo on a date too. The first thing that happens is that Jo and Blonde Bangs take an opportunity to showcase their acting skills. Apparently no one ever taught either of them that subtlety comes across well on film. Blonde Bangs does a huge double take and Jo furrows her brows as if she's trying to clinch a quarter in between them. Then as Slade walks away from her up to the Elimination Platform, Jo stands there with her hand still hanging out in midair where Slade grabbed it and she does a slow motion pivot to see where Slade is going - all the while brows remaining furrowed. Oh yes Jo. I totally believe that you are completely caught off guard and confused. NO ONE saw this coming.
"Do you get that I'm surprised?"
Lucas and Chris take turns telling us that Slade has turned on them - because wasn't he supposed to be here to help Jo find a new boyfriend? Also that Slade is jealous and just doesn't want to see Jo with anyone else. Do you think so, boys? Excellent detective skills you've got. It's really a shame that you have to lose your new good friend Slade this way - you know, finding out that he's actually here for his own selfish reasons and not to be your advocate. Over on HER platform Jo has started giggling and tells Slade, "okay." As in, "Okay, you can take me on a date and we'll get back together. That was the point of all this anyway." Immediately after this comes out of her mouth Chris storms off of the platform, profanity flying, declaring he's had enough of this. Lucas follows suit. YES! AT LAST something reasonable happens on this ridiculous excuse for a saga. Both suitors claim they've been tricked and they no longer wish to be present. RUN boys! Jo scampers after the guys, whining that she had no idea Slade was going to do that. Um, that's hardly the point at present, Jo. The point now is that you told him he COULD. Jo tells us privately that when she realized she had gone chasing after Chris and Lucas, she knew she was much more emotionally involved than she thought. Oh PLEASE! You know you just couldn't let this end without a final battle between old hat and new fish. Emotionally involved... right.
Anyway, the arguing continues on the front porch. Chris says it would be one thing if Jo were to choose Lucas because at least that's honorable, but SLADE? What a joke. Jo is insulted and claims that there is nothing on earth she could have done more in Palm Springs to show how genuine she is about all of this. True. Everyone knows a relationship is not serious until you have a joint watsu treatment. Chris points out that if Jo has no intentions of getting back together with Slade, then why would she accept a date with him? Jo says what else could she do, embarrass him in front of everybody? Oh, heaven forbid Jo. This whole mess is really something to be proud of, so smart move to not embarrass Slade at this point. Jo keeps saying, "It's just a DINNER!" but Chris isn't having it. Even Lucas tries to persuade him to stay (what happened to your resolve, Lucas?) but nothing works. GO CHRIS!
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Comments (15)
Honey Gangsta, I think I love you,
Yenta
1 of 15 | Posted by yentapatrol | Posted on September 4, 2008 4:50 PM
jeez I wonder what will happen.
many blessings to you for recapping this trainwreck of a show and writing a recap that I can read without having to watch a single moment.
2 of 15 | Posted by cherin | Posted on September 4, 2008 4:52 PM
As of just last night, Slade and Jo are an item. Saw them at dinner on Sunset and he's really handsome in person, though shorter than I thought. She's as ugly as sin though. He could do much better and she should be lucky someone's interested in her and believes in what little talent she has.
3 of 15 | Posted by likris | Posted on September 4, 2008 5:59 PM
I wander if anyone else caught this little gem from Salde when he talked to Jo about having a date to 'explore their feelings and issues'. At this point he said, almost verbatim "Jo, a lot of the issues that were the reason we broke up are not even around anymore". My Good - was he talking about his dying son?
I used to watch them on RHOOC and the fact he had a son was the main reason Jo did not want to stick around - she did not want to have to behave like a 'mommy' when the kid came over for a visit. She claimed she was too young to be forced into it - at 26!!! (Useless, selfcentered, egotistical whore).
Now he says this - as his son is dying of brain cancer????
I hated this douchebag before, but now think he is just the most pathetic piece of human garbage I had ever encountered.
And when he said that Jo taught him how to kiss - I almost puked too. Also I love that you mentioned Jo's kissing - first I thought that the guys just do not know how to kiss, but the more I looked the more I got convinced that it is her. Either she is the most wooden woman you can imagine, or she is just not into those guys hence the sucky kissing. Either way, she's SOOOO GROSS!
4 of 15 | Posted by renata | Posted on September 4, 2008 7:12 PM
likris, way to go with the spoiler...lol. Now I really wish I could have watched them on the real housewives... She is such a ditz
5 of 15 | Posted by ukhonu | Posted on September 4, 2008 9:53 PM
Don't Latinos pronounce their "J" like "H"? So shouldn't Jo be pronounced like "Ho"? I'm just asking...
6 of 15 | Posted by faatcaat | Posted on September 5, 2008 8:23 AM
LOL faatcaat=)
love the... "i forgot your pelligrino" screencap Honey Gangsta=)
7 of 15 | Posted by pixyamiga | Posted on September 5, 2008 8:38 AM
Seriously why does this pointy-headed jerk think she's so hot? Can someone please tell her that her face is way to long,and greasy, and bumpy, and ugly to pull off that dumb-ass scrunchy face thing she does. Loved your whore calling the slut a tramp comment-LOL
8 of 15 | Posted by Poopsicle | Posted on September 5, 2008 9:22 AM
Ugh. I wasn't going to say anything, BUT I totally went to school with Chris and he was a MAJOR DOUCHEBAG. There, I said it.
9 of 15 | Posted by mandamo | Posted on September 5, 2008 10:54 AM
Having seen several ep's of RHOOC featuring Slade's 2 sons, including his youngest, Grayson, (who is suffering a rare form of brain cancer) I'm appalled beyond belief at Slade's mind-boggling lack of human decency in telling Jo (and the world) "he'd never been in love before her."
The guy is beyond vile. Bad enough that rather than stay in OC and be present for his little boy, he's off to LA to "manage" Jo in her destined-to-fail career-- (THAT must be a lucrative gig! lol)-- but he tops it off with idiotic, hurtful and senseless remarks. His eldest boy is in his late teens-- old enough to understand everything...
Speaking of "lucrative". It's well-known that Slade's former home in OC went into foreclosure, (and that he was so broke at the time he couldn't afford storage for his vast furnishings) but what is less-known is the guy's a half-step ahead of the IRS for non-payment of taxes and within a month of purchasing the OC house in '05, he had such a cash-crunch he took out a second mortgage... and a couple of months later, a third--
"Keeping" a gold-digging girlfriend when you're short on gold can't be easy. Bottom line, Slade's a financial mess with no business "managing" anyone or any THING.
SPOILER ALERT:
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In all fairness, likris didn't really spoil anything... I live in LA and for ~months~ Jo & Slade have been making the rounds of every club and restaurant within a 40 mile radius. You'd think the show's producers would have issued a ban on such obvious public schmoozing, yet they've been turning up literally everywhere!
It's possible they explain it as "he's her manager-- so they have to be together"... but c'MON!
As IF anybody couldn't see the outcome of this crapfest a mile away...
10 of 15 | Posted by Helena Handbasket | Posted on September 5, 2008 2:17 PM
mandamo you are a tool. 'Chris' or 'Gersh' as I knew him in college is far from a douchebag... mandamo you sound like Gersh stole your girlfriend in highschool conceited and an asshole sometime maybe but was fun to hangout with. mandamo... poor poor baby...
11 of 15 | Posted by hillaryw | Posted on September 5, 2008 2:28 PM
That whole "glitter-scarf" thing? It's a hip-hop fashion trend on the East Coast that's making it's way to the West as we speak (I think it's hit Kentucky by now, I saw it when I was in Louisville a month ago). I know that when I think of "hip-hop" I think of "Slade Smiley". I also think that I'm going to be laughing my ass off when I see people here in Phoenix (in the summer) wearing scarves and passing out from heatstroke...
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. and I'm sorry, but doesn't ANYBODY dumb enough to appear on a Jo & Slade spinoff show automatically approach Doucheyville (or at least the suburb ToolTown)? There are literally zillions of hotter girls than Jo in L.A.... ahhh, but they don't ALL have a camera crew trailing after them... which means it's true love, right? *giggle*
12 of 15 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on September 5, 2008 3:05 PM
I don't watch the show- I value my eternal soul too much- but I will tell you that I produce a charity bingo night in West Hollywood at Hamburger Mary's and Jo was the "celebrity ballcaller" last week. For the record, she is very beautiful in person- seriously. She has bangs now which most of the gay guys could take or leave but she is certainly a beautiful woman and very, very nice too. I know that it's disappointing to learn that Jo actually did something for charity (and did not get paid), looks good in person and is actually quite funny too!
Still, the show is ridiculous. I hope she moves on to something more....better.
13 of 15 | Posted by bingo blog boy | Posted on September 7, 2008 7:40 AM
goodness gracious, this show is hilarious. Freaking brilliant on Chris' part when he said "would slade?" I had to rewind to see that part 3 times. There are so many inconsistencies in this show, and it is so predictable. I wonder what's going to happen in the finale? (Foreshadow- Jo picks Slade). And by the way, by far the hottest girl on this show is Katy. And she seems nicer and less bullshit than Jo. She should have a show rather than freaking Jo (pronounced "Ho" en espanol).
14 of 15 | Posted by Fart_Storm | Posted on September 8, 2008 8:27 AM
God I love you...I'm addicted to your recaps.
Faatcaat, that was hilarious! Yes J is pronounced as English H in spanish and it TOTALLY makes sense that a show with her would be called Ho.
Also, I think it was kind of obvious that this "show" was just a way to "get" these 2 back together (if they ever broke up), like anyone cares..
Couldn't Hamburger Mary's bring someone else as their "celebrity" ball caller, maybe Tara Reid or Mischa Barton, I heard they are looking for jobs and at least they were in movies and tv. You might want to call Rumer Willis if you have a Halloween edition bingo..she could provide the scare w/out even having to wear a costume!
15 of 15 | Posted by cottonmouth | Posted on September 10, 2008 8:04 PM