Yes, this girl is very important, so pay attention.
Okay so I have to admit that I never watched Jo or Slade or any combination of the two on The Real Housewives of Orange County, so I am going into Date My Ex completely blind. I do not have any preconceived notions of either one's personality or the relationship they've had with each other, their parents, their siblings, or anyone. All I know is this: These two people used to be engaged and now they're going to set each other up with new people. That's what I've gathered from the commercials. So, totally innocent, I sit down to watch this thing.
"Wait. You're really going to watch?"
I start off seeing who is apparently Jo having lunch or something with two girlfriends (My DVR cut off the first couple of minutes.) I notice a couple of things right away. First of all, the girls are all giggly and sound totally fake, like high pitched baby voice fake. And also, they LOOK totally fake. I happened upon a description of these girls in the New York Times and there's no way I could do better, so I'm just going to borrow the phrase used in that article to describe their makeup: "Cleopatra Eyes." That's right. You know the look. So freaking much makeup that there is literally no telling what is really going on under there. You can barely see their pupils under the bushels of fake lashes. Okay, so one of these painted ladies is the doll that is going to be dating new people. I know this because she and her girlfriends "decide" this over lunch. How lucky were they that the camera crew was around to capture this spontaneous eureka moment? The one who will be dating - Jo - has long dark hair and a raspy baby voice, how charming. The blonde friend "suggests" that they have Slade, Jo's ex, help set her up on dates because who knows her better than her great, great friend, the ex? This idea takes Jo so totally by surprise that she spits out her bellini - what a shocking idea! So clearly, the contributors to this show are going out of their way so far to NOT pretend this is unscripted.
Let's take a moment before we proceed and just examine this premise, as if it mattered in the grand scheme of things. Imagine you have called off a wedding with a person with whom you thought you would spend the rest of your life. After tearily collecting yourself and trying to piece together some semblance of a social life, what is the first thing you do? You call in the ex-fiancé to help you find new dates! Right, that's not awkward for anyone, and you know he'll have nothing but the best of intentions. Plus, he's still morbidly fixated on the way you're going to live your life and spend your time. Setting the obvious nonsense aside, let's say you actually DO come up with this plan because that is just how great the terms are on which you still function with your EX-FIANCE. Did I mention this is your ex-fiancé? Are these people robots? Have they no emotions? How on earth does this work? I've heard the song and dance about staying friends with exes. I don't get it, but I've heard it. Now they're trying to tell me that not only should you stay friends, you should stay BEST friends, and even help each other date? Who are they kidding? On what planet would this work? On what planet is this even a remotely good idea? Okay, I got that out. On with the show.
Now we meet Slade, the dreaded ex-fiancé. I can tell before he's been on the screen for a nanosecond that this is the kind of royal douche I wouldn't go near with a ten-foot pole. He's old, but thinks he's young, and he's majorly trying to overcompensate for something. Why does Slade want to help Jo date, you ask? Well, he tells us, she's been working really hard on her album (her album? Oh lucky us) and she spends a lot of time in the studio. He'd like to see her meet some nice guys. He's kind of jealous, but ultimately has her best interests at heart. And yes, I used much bigger words than Slade did. The blonde girlfriend with obnoxious bangs tells us that Jo insisted that her friends be a part of this, so she, Blonde Bangs, is going to be in charge of hostessing the whole mess.
Seriously?
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Comments (10)
Honey Gangsta, honey, you are so lucky, you don't know the HALF of the inanity of this pair of assholes. Jo's parents won the California Lottery, she is sooooo nouveau riche it's not even funny. You hit Slade on the head, he is a total douchebag AND the house they showed him owning in the O.C. got foreclosed on! (I guess the Amex Black Card that he so proudly displayed during the first season of RHWOOC wasn't good enough to stave off the creditors!) I would be willing to bet blood that the so-called "Slade's house" they are filming in is probably owned by Bravo and/or NBC Universal, not the legend himself. If you had seen them on the RHWOOC, I think two words would have clanged relentlessly in your mind like they did in mine... "pretentious climbers"...
I, too, am all a-flutter in hot anticipation of Jo's awesome rockin' album (when when WHEN will they satisfy the desires of the downtrodden American masses...? The economy is in the toilet and we can't afford to buy anything, we need a new CD by Jo De La Rosa to make us all feel better! I know that just listening to it will make us feel like ROCK STARS! Or maybe just a whole lot smarter, either one.)
And David was a smarmy asshole, but that's exactly what Jo likes, so it was no shock she kept the guy around who made the appearance of spending the most money on her. Que puta!
love, J-Mo :)
1 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:16 AM
David is David Weintraub...he was on that reality show, Sons of Hollywood with Randy Spelling and Sean Stewart. So I wouldn't be surprised if he, Jo, and Slade already knew each other...maybe he is a plant to stir up drama.
2 of 10 | Posted by pixyamiga | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:34 AM
Ahhhh, that explains a lot! Well, douchebags of a feather and all that...
Also, just so you know how much of a Mother Teresa figure Slade is, his 5 year old son Grayson has brain cancer, but instead of spending every last waking moment with his dying kid, Slade is off filming a reality TV show. What a martyr!
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:49 AM
Sadly...I do watch the Real Housewives, but always found Jo & Slade's relationship creepy. Anyway I tuned in for this crapfest the other night and barely made it thru. I was not going to watch it...but now that HG is recapping...I may have to reconsider...or just tune in for the recaps.
Also...Jo totally "lives" (not sure if that's her real place) in the complex where LC & Heidi lived in the first season of the Hills. When they said they lived in "the hills" but really didn't...
And that is really sad about Slade's son Grayson, I had not heard that story.
4 of 10 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:25 AM
"Oh honey, if you want that piece of crap you can have him. Please - get him off the street and spare the rest of us."
Amen to that. I live in OC, and the less of those guys the better!
5 of 10 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:41 AM
So glad to see you are recapping this crapfest! I'm guessing that Jo and Slade will end up back together after this... Also, Michael looked familiar to me - was he on another reality show?
6 of 10 | Posted by jules | Posted on July 24, 2008 11:38 AM
I haven't watched this show (saw the commercials approx. 3,489x during PR) nor Real Housewives ... but saw HG was recapping, so had to read.
I'm so glad I did - will relish the recaps and avoid the show at all costs! Thanks for taking one for the team, HG!
7 of 10 | Posted by chelle | Posted on July 24, 2008 6:45 PM
Who ARE these people? I mean, seriously, WHO? Okay, I read the Real Housewives of Orange County explanation, and I read J-Mo's extra bits of info, but... ??? **confused**
I know the TYPE that these people are, and having NEVER been impressed with their ability to wear makeup and preen, while simultaneously being complete idiots, most people I know (including myself) avoid them at all costs. So, why is it that anyone in Hollywood, or at the networks, thinks that the masses give a flying rat's butt about Jo and her Bratz-doll-wannabe cohorts?
All that eye makeup just makes me think they're all trying to be porn stars.
And the guys... ugh. **shudder** I'm not even going there. Especially when the lot of them spend more time grooming themselves than most women. **violent shudder**
Would it be possible to just lock people like this away in their own little fantasy world, and let nature take it's course, or let them kill each other off, or SOMETHING!? Because being continuously assaulted by their inane whims in the guise of television entertainment is SO last decade (and SO nauseating).
My sympathies to you, HG, for having to sit through this.
8 of 10 | Posted by kreleia | Posted on July 25, 2008 1:54 AM
The only good thing about this show (and the reason I watched about 75% of it) was Michael. He was so handsome yet real because he wasn't full of himself like the other putzes! Goes to show you what a moron Jo is because she DIDN'T pick him. I'll take him!
As for Dumb and Dumber, could never stand Jo. She tried so hard to be Jessica Simpson from her Newlywed days when she was on RHOOC. She always called Slade "baby" like JS did to Nick. She talked in a baby voice (and apparently continues to) and she played the ditz card all the time. When she showed up for the Season 2 reunion show (with blonde hair a la JS), she actually ADMITTED to idolizing Jessica Simpson.
I love HG's description of the makeup. But even the 4 lbs. of it couldn't hide her awful complexion! BLECK!
I'd rather watch a show that just featured the life of Vicky or Jeana's spoiled kids. The heck with Jo and Slade!
9 of 10 | Posted by LittTwinStar | Posted on July 25, 2008 9:33 AM
I'm pretty sure she's back with Slade. One of my friends went to high school with Jo, and she was at the reunion last week with Slade as her date.
Interesting...
10 of 10 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on July 25, 2008 12:58 PM