Blonde Bangs gathers the participants and announces to Jo that she'll be going on four dates with four guys and the guys will be living with Slade. At the end of a week, she'll eliminate three of the four guys, and the one who stays will go on to the next round of four guys. This will persist for several weeks and at the end there will be a few lucky finalists and Jo will have to choose one lucky fellow with whom to "give it a go" at romance. Okay, so all the winner gets is the chance for more dates with this bimbo? Lucky guy. I can't wait to see what kind of prize gentlemen this scheme has attracted. I'm not exactly sure what role Slade is supposed to play so far - besides playing Den Mother and intimidating the other guys with his macho golf hat.
"I control your destiny."
We head over to "Slade's" house where we meet Bachelor #1, Michael, 33, Sports Nutrition Sales Rep. He's excited to meet Jo. I wonder if he's ever seen her. Bachelor #2 is Nelson, 26, Personal Trainer - and I must add, Eyebrow Mogul. He has got THE most manscaped pair of brows I've ever seen. He looks like he has at least a twist of Mediterranean in him, so the eyebrows are prominent, but ever so carefully sculpted into beefy little half-moons. Guys like this frighten me. Not only would they pester me to go to the gym all the time, but they'd probably also chase me around with hot wax. No thanks. Martin, 31, is a Real Estate Agent and describes himself as charismatic. Then he describes Jo as a celebrity. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This one's funny, but not on purpose, I'm afraid. Finally we have David, 29, Talent Manager. Ugh, talent manager? I've lived in LA long enough to know that "talent manager" is just a fancy title for hanger-on. These are the people who follow famous people around and wake them up in the morning, spoon-feed them their prescription meds, and wipe their butts, all for the 15% cut, of course. They also think they are highly crucial. David thinks Jo's a hot chick, so why not fall in love again?
Blonde Bangs tells the guys they'll be going on dates with Jo, but just as they start to relax, she presents SLADE. The guys are all thrown off balance and have no idea what to say or do. Slade laps it up. He warns that no one knows Jo better than he does and no one has greater influence over her. Oh geez, take it easy there. Your existence is validated, we get it. The guys speculate over what Slade's intentions could possibly be. Slade announces that Jo is family and no one messes with his family. Actually, Slade, Jo is NOT your family. That was decided when you called off the wedding, but who's going to argue with this frightening powerhouse? Slade shows the guys to their emasculating quarters, which is one small room with four twin mattresses on the floor.
Date #1 - Martin
Over at Jo's place, Blonde Bangs is back to explain that each guy has already planned out his date and Jo will be receiving a polka-dot hat box from each of them containing a message and prep material for the outing. What do you know, the first one has arrived! The note says, "Jo, I hope you have an appetite for adventure. This date will definitely add some spice to your life. See you soon. - Martin." Then she pulls out an orange article of clothing from the hat box. Cut to Jo in her black underwear with her brunette friend helping her pull a dress over her head. Yes, I often call my friends over to help me put clothes on - it's just so difficult. Um, gratuitous much? Yes it is because it takes them a full five minutes to pull the skin tight scrap of material over Jo's fake boobs, following which, her friend encourages her to ditch her thong, so we get to watch her pull that off and toss it aside.
Meanwhile Martin is getting ready to head out, but not before getting grilled by Slade, the Master of the Universe. Slade tells us that Martin may have a shot because he's edu-ma-cated, and Jo is totally not used to that. Martin basically tells us he hopes he wins.
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Comments (10)
Honey Gangsta, honey, you are so lucky, you don't know the HALF of the inanity of this pair of assholes. Jo's parents won the California Lottery, she is sooooo nouveau riche it's not even funny. You hit Slade on the head, he is a total douchebag AND the house they showed him owning in the O.C. got foreclosed on! (I guess the Amex Black Card that he so proudly displayed during the first season of RHWOOC wasn't good enough to stave off the creditors!) I would be willing to bet blood that the so-called "Slade's house" they are filming in is probably owned by Bravo and/or NBC Universal, not the legend himself. If you had seen them on the RHWOOC, I think two words would have clanged relentlessly in your mind like they did in mine... "pretentious climbers"...
I, too, am all a-flutter in hot anticipation of Jo's awesome rockin' album (when when WHEN will they satisfy the desires of the downtrodden American masses...? The economy is in the toilet and we can't afford to buy anything, we need a new CD by Jo De La Rosa to make us all feel better! I know that just listening to it will make us feel like ROCK STARS! Or maybe just a whole lot smarter, either one.)
And David was a smarmy asshole, but that's exactly what Jo likes, so it was no shock she kept the guy around who made the appearance of spending the most money on her. Que puta!
love, J-Mo :)
1 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:16 AM
David is David Weintraub...he was on that reality show, Sons of Hollywood with Randy Spelling and Sean Stewart. So I wouldn't be surprised if he, Jo, and Slade already knew each other...maybe he is a plant to stir up drama.
2 of 10 | Posted by pixyamiga | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:34 AM
Ahhhh, that explains a lot! Well, douchebags of a feather and all that...
Also, just so you know how much of a Mother Teresa figure Slade is, his 5 year old son Grayson has brain cancer, but instead of spending every last waking moment with his dying kid, Slade is off filming a reality TV show. What a martyr!
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:49 AM
Sadly...I do watch the Real Housewives, but always found Jo & Slade's relationship creepy. Anyway I tuned in for this crapfest the other night and barely made it thru. I was not going to watch it...but now that HG is recapping...I may have to reconsider...or just tune in for the recaps.
Also...Jo totally "lives" (not sure if that's her real place) in the complex where LC & Heidi lived in the first season of the Hills. When they said they lived in "the hills" but really didn't...
And that is really sad about Slade's son Grayson, I had not heard that story.
4 of 10 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:25 AM
"Oh honey, if you want that piece of crap you can have him. Please - get him off the street and spare the rest of us."
Amen to that. I live in OC, and the less of those guys the better!
5 of 10 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:41 AM
So glad to see you are recapping this crapfest! I'm guessing that Jo and Slade will end up back together after this... Also, Michael looked familiar to me - was he on another reality show?
6 of 10 | Posted by jules | Posted on July 24, 2008 11:38 AM
I haven't watched this show (saw the commercials approx. 3,489x during PR) nor Real Housewives ... but saw HG was recapping, so had to read.
I'm so glad I did - will relish the recaps and avoid the show at all costs! Thanks for taking one for the team, HG!
7 of 10 | Posted by chelle | Posted on July 24, 2008 6:45 PM
Who ARE these people? I mean, seriously, WHO? Okay, I read the Real Housewives of Orange County explanation, and I read J-Mo's extra bits of info, but... ??? **confused**
I know the TYPE that these people are, and having NEVER been impressed with their ability to wear makeup and preen, while simultaneously being complete idiots, most people I know (including myself) avoid them at all costs. So, why is it that anyone in Hollywood, or at the networks, thinks that the masses give a flying rat's butt about Jo and her Bratz-doll-wannabe cohorts?
All that eye makeup just makes me think they're all trying to be porn stars.
And the guys... ugh. **shudder** I'm not even going there. Especially when the lot of them spend more time grooming themselves than most women. **violent shudder**
Would it be possible to just lock people like this away in their own little fantasy world, and let nature take it's course, or let them kill each other off, or SOMETHING!? Because being continuously assaulted by their inane whims in the guise of television entertainment is SO last decade (and SO nauseating).
My sympathies to you, HG, for having to sit through this.
8 of 10 | Posted by kreleia | Posted on July 25, 2008 1:54 AM
The only good thing about this show (and the reason I watched about 75% of it) was Michael. He was so handsome yet real because he wasn't full of himself like the other putzes! Goes to show you what a moron Jo is because she DIDN'T pick him. I'll take him!
As for Dumb and Dumber, could never stand Jo. She tried so hard to be Jessica Simpson from her Newlywed days when she was on RHOOC. She always called Slade "baby" like JS did to Nick. She talked in a baby voice (and apparently continues to) and she played the ditz card all the time. When she showed up for the Season 2 reunion show (with blonde hair a la JS), she actually ADMITTED to idolizing Jessica Simpson.
I love HG's description of the makeup. But even the 4 lbs. of it couldn't hide her awful complexion! BLECK!
I'd rather watch a show that just featured the life of Vicky or Jeana's spoiled kids. The heck with Jo and Slade!
9 of 10 | Posted by LittTwinStar | Posted on July 25, 2008 9:33 AM
I'm pretty sure she's back with Slade. One of my friends went to high school with Jo, and she was at the reunion last week with Slade as her date.
Interesting...
10 of 10 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on July 25, 2008 12:58 PM