Jo has retouched the King Tut eyes (see? I'm not a TOTAL plagiarist), and loaded on the bright orange lipstick to match the bright orange thong-less dress. She's driving over to meet her first date when who should blow up her cell phone? Slade Smiley. Wait a second. Slade's last name is SMILEY??? OMG, this is a bigger emergency than I thought. Whether he chose that name or not, the fact that he's using it is highly, highly alarming. Jo obviously thinks it's adorable as she flirts and teases, telling Slade she oughta have his head right now. Does he pinky-promise-swear that he's okay with all of this? Oh barf.
Jo pulls up in a back alley someplace where Martin is waiting to mug her at knifepoint. I mean, start the date. They air kiss and enter a building which turns out to be the restaurant Mama Juana's. Martin has called ahead and arranged for them to be able to cook their own dinner. Cook your own dinner at a restaurant? Doesn't that really defeat the whole purpose? Anyway, I'm totally surprised to find out that Jo thinks it's sexy when a man cooks for her, takes control, and tells her what to do - in the kitchen or elsewhere. And in case you missed it, that was sarcasm. I'll be surprised when Jo finds a guy of a certain appearance and income level that she DOESN'T find sexy. That's what gold diggers do.
Another twist we learn about is that Blonde Bangs is arriving at Slade's with a laptop so that they can watch the date in progress. Oh good, this should be extremely helpful. They (and we) watch Martin show off and not take one breath as he rattles on about himself while Jo rolls her eyes wondering when she'll get the chance to tell Martin all about her album and her reality show. They eventually shut up long enough to eat and then Martin gives Jo a dance lesson. Guess what. Jo thinks it's sexy when a guy can show you what to do on the dance floor. No way!
When Martin gets home the guys want to hear all about the date. He says he'd rather keep it to himself if that's cool, to which Slade says, "No it's not cool. Jo and I have already done whatever you did, so before it was OUR thing." Wow, he gets worse and worse. What a freaking loser. Get a life, dude.
Date #2 - Michael
Bright and early the next morning Slade wakes Michael up to go on his date. Over at Jo's, she is waking up in full Egyptian makeup, complete with inch-deep shiny lip gloss as the brunette friend busses in the next polka dot hat box. Will she help Jo out of her jammies this morning? Jo pulls out a white sea captain's hat and puts it on, giggle, giggle. Oh these girls are so funny. The note says, "Jo, I'm really looking forward to hooking up with you. Dress warm, I hope you're on board for what I've got planned. - Michael." Michael is taking Jo fishing! Oh I'm sure Princess will just love that. As the date gets underway, Slade watches on the laptop, appalled. He announces that Jo only fishes off of menus! Sure enough, Jo thinks it's sad and cruel when she hooks a fish. Then she has a diva fit while Michael guts the fish because it smells. Oh Michael, rookie mistake. This is not about Jo getting to know you and what interests you, this is about you shoving your head so far up Jo's butt that she can taste your hair gel. Get it straight! Apparently Michael semi redeems himself by serving Jo a pleasant breakfast on the bow of the boat. When Michael gets home, Slade advises him that if he would like to take Jo fishing, it should probably be for a Louis Vuitton bag. Wow, this girl's a treat.
Date #3 - David
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Comments (10)
Honey Gangsta, honey, you are so lucky, you don't know the HALF of the inanity of this pair of assholes. Jo's parents won the California Lottery, she is sooooo nouveau riche it's not even funny. You hit Slade on the head, he is a total douchebag AND the house they showed him owning in the O.C. got foreclosed on! (I guess the Amex Black Card that he so proudly displayed during the first season of RHWOOC wasn't good enough to stave off the creditors!) I would be willing to bet blood that the so-called "Slade's house" they are filming in is probably owned by Bravo and/or NBC Universal, not the legend himself. If you had seen them on the RHWOOC, I think two words would have clanged relentlessly in your mind like they did in mine... "pretentious climbers"...
I, too, am all a-flutter in hot anticipation of Jo's awesome rockin' album (when when WHEN will they satisfy the desires of the downtrodden American masses...? The economy is in the toilet and we can't afford to buy anything, we need a new CD by Jo De La Rosa to make us all feel better! I know that just listening to it will make us feel like ROCK STARS! Or maybe just a whole lot smarter, either one.)
And David was a smarmy asshole, but that's exactly what Jo likes, so it was no shock she kept the guy around who made the appearance of spending the most money on her. Que puta!
love, J-Mo :)
1 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:16 AM
David is David Weintraub...he was on that reality show, Sons of Hollywood with Randy Spelling and Sean Stewart. So I wouldn't be surprised if he, Jo, and Slade already knew each other...maybe he is a plant to stir up drama.
2 of 10 | Posted by pixyamiga | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:34 AM
Ahhhh, that explains a lot! Well, douchebags of a feather and all that...
Also, just so you know how much of a Mother Teresa figure Slade is, his 5 year old son Grayson has brain cancer, but instead of spending every last waking moment with his dying kid, Slade is off filming a reality TV show. What a martyr!
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 10 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 24, 2008 7:49 AM
Sadly...I do watch the Real Housewives, but always found Jo & Slade's relationship creepy. Anyway I tuned in for this crapfest the other night and barely made it thru. I was not going to watch it...but now that HG is recapping...I may have to reconsider...or just tune in for the recaps.
Also...Jo totally "lives" (not sure if that's her real place) in the complex where LC & Heidi lived in the first season of the Hills. When they said they lived in "the hills" but really didn't...
And that is really sad about Slade's son Grayson, I had not heard that story.
4 of 10 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:25 AM
"Oh honey, if you want that piece of crap you can have him. Please - get him off the street and spare the rest of us."
Amen to that. I live in OC, and the less of those guys the better!
5 of 10 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on July 24, 2008 10:41 AM
So glad to see you are recapping this crapfest! I'm guessing that Jo and Slade will end up back together after this... Also, Michael looked familiar to me - was he on another reality show?
6 of 10 | Posted by jules | Posted on July 24, 2008 11:38 AM
I haven't watched this show (saw the commercials approx. 3,489x during PR) nor Real Housewives ... but saw HG was recapping, so had to read.
I'm so glad I did - will relish the recaps and avoid the show at all costs! Thanks for taking one for the team, HG!
7 of 10 | Posted by chelle | Posted on July 24, 2008 6:45 PM
Who ARE these people? I mean, seriously, WHO? Okay, I read the Real Housewives of Orange County explanation, and I read J-Mo's extra bits of info, but... ??? **confused**
I know the TYPE that these people are, and having NEVER been impressed with their ability to wear makeup and preen, while simultaneously being complete idiots, most people I know (including myself) avoid them at all costs. So, why is it that anyone in Hollywood, or at the networks, thinks that the masses give a flying rat's butt about Jo and her Bratz-doll-wannabe cohorts?
All that eye makeup just makes me think they're all trying to be porn stars.
And the guys... ugh. **shudder** I'm not even going there. Especially when the lot of them spend more time grooming themselves than most women. **violent shudder**
Would it be possible to just lock people like this away in their own little fantasy world, and let nature take it's course, or let them kill each other off, or SOMETHING!? Because being continuously assaulted by their inane whims in the guise of television entertainment is SO last decade (and SO nauseating).
My sympathies to you, HG, for having to sit through this.
8 of 10 | Posted by kreleia | Posted on July 25, 2008 1:54 AM
The only good thing about this show (and the reason I watched about 75% of it) was Michael. He was so handsome yet real because he wasn't full of himself like the other putzes! Goes to show you what a moron Jo is because she DIDN'T pick him. I'll take him!
As for Dumb and Dumber, could never stand Jo. She tried so hard to be Jessica Simpson from her Newlywed days when she was on RHOOC. She always called Slade "baby" like JS did to Nick. She talked in a baby voice (and apparently continues to) and she played the ditz card all the time. When she showed up for the Season 2 reunion show (with blonde hair a la JS), she actually ADMITTED to idolizing Jessica Simpson.
I love HG's description of the makeup. But even the 4 lbs. of it couldn't hide her awful complexion! BLECK!
I'd rather watch a show that just featured the life of Vicky or Jeana's spoiled kids. The heck with Jo and Slade!
9 of 10 | Posted by LittTwinStar | Posted on July 25, 2008 9:33 AM
I'm pretty sure she's back with Slade. One of my friends went to high school with Jo, and she was at the reunion last week with Slade as her date.
Interesting...
10 of 10 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on July 25, 2008 12:58 PM