Meanwhile, Brunette Friend is in the pool trying to find out if the guys are all here for the right reasons. They assure her they are, but that Slade makes them very uncomfortable. Well, Brunette Friend is convinced! Every last one of these guys has nothing but the purest of intentions.
Chuck and Jo shower off each other's clay in yet another of Jo's "sexy" moments. Snooze fest.
Even Chuck is falling asleep.
Jo takes another confessional to grin at us and convince us of how cute and desirable she is by telling us about the dinner "she" arranged for the cute boys. Do you think she sits in front of the mirror and practices these facial expressions? Seriously, she is under the impression that no one can resist her clever little smile. At dinner Jo thanks everyone for being there and tells the guys she knows this hasn't been easy. Slade butts in - again - saying yes it has been totally easy for these guys. All they've done is take Jo on a date and hung out in the pool. It pains me to admit it, but Slade has a point. Granted I know that Jo meant EMOTIONALLY this hasn't been easy, but please. Who are we kidding? Zack the Model pipes up and says he's felt very uncomfortable all this time in front of Slade. Jo delights in Zack's honesty. Oh yes, he's a paragon of honorable behavior.
Slade privately tells us that this is the first time he hasn't been in control of the situation. Well, remember Slade, "You Can't Control Me!" The guys go around the table complaining about how awkward this is. Yes. We get it. This is the most retarded situation ever and you're all kicking yourselves for volunteering for it. Need we beat it further into the ground?
Later in the Deep Thinking Chamber, otherwise known as the girls' room, the girls sit around talking about how totally awkward that bus ride was today on the way to Palm Springs. Like, all the guys totally wanted to be near Jo and touching her, and like Slade was all like pouty and stuff. Jo continues to carefully dissect just how uncomfortable all of this is and why. Yes, there's that dead horse again. Jo says it's hard because you never totally get over your ex, to which Blonde Bangs pipes up, "Well not the one who's the love of your life." Can Slade please just make a declaration so that we can end this charade and put everyone out of their misery? Please? I'm keeping my fingers crossed that's how this episode will end.
"You guys, I have to go to bed. I've never
thought this much in my whole life!"
And in the Even Deeper Thinking Chamber, the guys continue to discuss... the EXACT SAME THING! Wow this is awkward. Wow I really want to be affectionate with Jo, but Slade makes it hard. Wow, Slade still really likes Jo. Wow does she like him back? Wow I wish I could just really make out with her, but Slade is always in the way. On and on... and on. Lucas finally tells us that it doesn't bother him so much because Slade's stated reason for being here is to find Jo a good man, and he, Lucas, is a really good man. Hmm, logic. And that IS what Slade has told everyone. Lucas is a fool to believe it, but kudos for actually saying something different, Lucas. He advises the other guys to get used to Slade because no matter who ends up with Jo, Slade will always be there. Another good point... that should send them all running.
The next morning everyone except Slade gathers around the breakfast table. What a fortunate coincidence! Jo sits at the head of the table petting her hair and reiterating just how weird this all is. She wants to clear the air lest any of the guys think she still has feelings for Slade. Chris immediately says he DOES think Jo still has feelings for Slade, but Lucas overshadows him by saying that Slade still has feelings for Jo. Of course, that's the part Jo chooses to hear. Slade arrives when the producers allow him and Jo immediately asks if she can talk to him in private.
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Comments (6)
Wow. Shocking. Slade still has feelings for Jo. I hear that water is wet, fire is hot and salt tastes salty. When I broke up with my Ex, I couldn't even HEAR about him having a date with someone else for about two YEARS afterwards (or else it tore my heart to shreds completely and I'd go get drunk and eat entire packages of Double-Stuf Oreo Cookies and maybe a box or two of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and sometimes a whole chicken... and pie) so if any of this was ever for real and Slade really WAS able to sit by and watch all these (mostly) way hotter guys compete for Jo's scrunchy-faced supertwattiness, then it pretty much proves to me that he's a total and complete dickface who has never cared for anyone other than himself his entire life. You'd have to be cold as ice on the inside to literally put yourself through the torture of watching someone you really shared a deep and satisfying love connection with get submerged in soil with some new dumbass underwear model. It proves to me that the two of them deserve each other, because they're both the perfect narcissists, both completely shallow, both total and complete ASSHOLES!
It's not just cuz I'm a big homo that I don't care for Jo (she's so drag-queen, I really SHOULD just love her to death) but the sheer self-centered and fake way she deals with other adults says that no one has told her bitchass "no" about anything in a very long time, and I wished that whoever she would have picked (if it wasn't Slade already) would have second thoughts and decide to dump her ass on TV. THAT would make a great fucking episode of "Date My Ex"!
Awesome job as always Honey, and much love to you from other parts of the Bravo world...
love,
xoxoxo
J-Mo :)
1 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 28, 2008 12:01 AM
Much as I know I couldn't bear to watch this show, your recaps are delightful (and, I suspect, brutally honest).
I'm not surprised that J-Mo, another superlative recapper, is a "fan" as well.
Thanks!
2 of 6 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 28, 2008 9:20 AM
Honey,
I followed you here from 'the Bachelor' and have been thankful ever since to my lucky star. I would never be able to handle this show and keep my sanity at the same time. But your recaps guide me from the brink of despair I find myself every episode after listening to the first 5 minutes of this moronic bitch's talk.
This time I found myself screaming at my TV even earlier that usual, and after hearing the fist "You're cute" I tuned this dumb ho out, and focused solely on the visual. And I had an epiphany - This idiot bitch is ACTUALLY UGLY!!!
I mean really ugly, no joke. Why would the guys volunteer to try and date her is beyond me. She has no beauty, her personality is flat and stale as a week old pancake, her intelect is non-existent.
It is clear that her only interest in life is Jo, to the exclussion of everyone and everything else.
I realized that especially when she tries to smile and bat her eyes at the same time, her face scrunches up into a particularly unpleasant aparition.
I also peep my pants laughing when Zach said he could not stop thinking of Katie when he was with Jo. It was too perfect.
And I was just thinking how can a normal, well adjuted and seemingly not stupid guy like Chris really be so taken in by a clueless, brainless, obnoxious social climber like Jo? I figure he must be an actor, put in by Bravo to show that a 'normal' guy can take interest in her, because there is no way that he can be real.
I'm so happy this crap is almost over. My husband is seriously worried about my sanity when he hears me screaming obscenities at the TV. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your weekly sacrifice, in watching this piece of 'reality tv' and recapping it for us.
You are histerical, and your recaps are the only reason i even watch this show. Keep your spirits up - we the faceless legions of addicted reality tv fans, salute you.
The way I look at it is - the sacrifice of my nerves and grey matter lost or damaged while watching this bitch's antics is worth the amount of laughter I get from reading your recaps. Thanks, you add to my longevity with each epistole you pen.
3 of 6 | Posted by renia | Posted on August 28, 2008 2:53 PM
Honey-
Thanks for the amusing update! After watching this past weeks episode, the first thing I thought...this should be a good one for Honey to recap! It's a good break from the US/China Olympics. And the talking heads covering the DNC. Dont get me wrong, I do like hearing the speeches...Now I am getting my kicks of what the talking heads are saying at me, repeating the same thing, excitedly showing what new telestrator graphic-we-look-so-cool-playing with. But back to more important things...LOL....I never watched the real housewives. I wish I had so I could have seen Jo and Slade in their hideous togetherness!
Keep up the good work Honey!
Honu - Now the proud owner of Northern California Watsu spa.
4 of 6 | Posted by ukhonu | Posted on August 28, 2008 3:42 PM
WOW I love it I thought I was the only one who thought the same. What is it about Jo that is so amazing?. I mean she has a good body but besides the acne her nose is a beek. Most of the guys she dated on the show were losers. Slade is so pathetic, especially with the fuzz hanging off his beard. The english friend (bangs)is so annoying with that voice. She could make glass shatter. I think way too much attention is on JO. I know there are girls and guys that are not that attractive but something about their personality is amazing.
Jo does not have anything like that at all. I swear she is pocahontas reincarnated every time I watch the show. Maybe she should audition for Disney if her singing is so good. She could be a great voice over for a cartoon her mentality is right on.
5 of 6 | Posted by lisalott | Posted on August 29, 2008 7:28 AM
Omg, omg, OMG. Slade still has feelings for Jo!?!?!
No WAY! That just doesn't make any sense what-so-ever...Why would he agree to a dating show if he had FEELINGS for her??
GAAAHHH!!!
This show is transparent garbage!!!
Ahem.
Sorry. It's just that I actually watched this episode and it killed me a little bit on the inside.
Honey - Love the recap, you make this show funny instead of pathetic and sad.
And J-Mo - Thanks for throwing in the rant and my vocabulary word for the day. ("supertwattiness")
6 of 6 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 29, 2008 10:19 AM