Chuck, you're out of here. Jo thinks you should just be friends. Chuck tells us he would have liked to get to know Jo more, but whatever. It's time for a commercial. And when we come back... it's Zack the Model who has to leave! They should just be friends. And now Zack decides to make a speech, otherwise people might see this and think he's some kind of loser. He says, "Okay. I guess it works out all right because I really had a hard time not thinking about Brunette Friend when I was with you. And I don't know if that's something I could have gotten over anyway." Oh, good call Zack. You really saved face there. Now no one will ever think that you are any kind of idiot or fool. Now back to your jewelry repping and hobby modeling. I don't know how the world managed without you while you pretended to date Jo.
"Thank goodness I think so quick on my feet!"
Well! There is stunned silence following this upheaval. Lucas and Chris can't believe their ears. Slade points out that Zack didn't have the guts to pass in front of him on his way out, but instead squeezed away between Blonde Bangs and Chris. Jo is of course mightily shocked, but relieved to know she made the right decision. Yes Jo, we're all so proud of you. Slade announces to the group that Zack is a piece of trash. Oh is he, Slade? Thanks. He was a piece of trash all along. Saying something mean to Jo was maybe the only real thing he did. Anyway, moving on from the brouhaha, Blonde Bangs begins to deliver her wrap-up speech when Slade interrupts and announces he has something to say. He takes Jo's hands in his and tells her that he didn't expect to have unresolved feelings for her, but now he must do something about it. With that he marches up onto the elimination platform with the other guys and tells Blonde Bangs he wants to take Jo on a date. This, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call the "anti-surprise." Unfortunately this didn't end the wretched series and we're still going to have another episode.
Next week we pick back up right where we leave off and see Chris storming away, saying he's withdrawing from the competition. Can I just beg to the Reality gods that he really will withdraw from the competition and so will Lucas, and Slade and Jo will get sterilized and go on with their pathetic lives unfilmed? That would be the greatest ending to a reality series EVER! Tune in to see Jo try to cry.
Are you all in stunned shock like me? Do tell me all!
Thanks for reading!
-Honey Gangsta
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Comments (6)
Wow. Shocking. Slade still has feelings for Jo. I hear that water is wet, fire is hot and salt tastes salty. When I broke up with my Ex, I couldn't even HEAR about him having a date with someone else for about two YEARS afterwards (or else it tore my heart to shreds completely and I'd go get drunk and eat entire packages of Double-Stuf Oreo Cookies and maybe a box or two of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and sometimes a whole chicken... and pie) so if any of this was ever for real and Slade really WAS able to sit by and watch all these (mostly) way hotter guys compete for Jo's scrunchy-faced supertwattiness, then it pretty much proves to me that he's a total and complete dickface who has never cared for anyone other than himself his entire life. You'd have to be cold as ice on the inside to literally put yourself through the torture of watching someone you really shared a deep and satisfying love connection with get submerged in soil with some new dumbass underwear model. It proves to me that the two of them deserve each other, because they're both the perfect narcissists, both completely shallow, both total and complete ASSHOLES!
It's not just cuz I'm a big homo that I don't care for Jo (she's so drag-queen, I really SHOULD just love her to death) but the sheer self-centered and fake way she deals with other adults says that no one has told her bitchass "no" about anything in a very long time, and I wished that whoever she would have picked (if it wasn't Slade already) would have second thoughts and decide to dump her ass on TV. THAT would make a great fucking episode of "Date My Ex"!
Awesome job as always Honey, and much love to you from other parts of the Bravo world...
love,
xoxoxo
J-Mo :)
1 of 6 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 28, 2008 12:01 AM
Much as I know I couldn't bear to watch this show, your recaps are delightful (and, I suspect, brutally honest).
I'm not surprised that J-Mo, another superlative recapper, is a "fan" as well.
Thanks!
2 of 6 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 28, 2008 9:20 AM
Honey,
I followed you here from 'the Bachelor' and have been thankful ever since to my lucky star. I would never be able to handle this show and keep my sanity at the same time. But your recaps guide me from the brink of despair I find myself every episode after listening to the first 5 minutes of this moronic bitch's talk.
This time I found myself screaming at my TV even earlier that usual, and after hearing the fist "You're cute" I tuned this dumb ho out, and focused solely on the visual. And I had an epiphany - This idiot bitch is ACTUALLY UGLY!!!
I mean really ugly, no joke. Why would the guys volunteer to try and date her is beyond me. She has no beauty, her personality is flat and stale as a week old pancake, her intelect is non-existent.
It is clear that her only interest in life is Jo, to the exclussion of everyone and everything else.
I realized that especially when she tries to smile and bat her eyes at the same time, her face scrunches up into a particularly unpleasant aparition.
I also peep my pants laughing when Zach said he could not stop thinking of Katie when he was with Jo. It was too perfect.
And I was just thinking how can a normal, well adjuted and seemingly not stupid guy like Chris really be so taken in by a clueless, brainless, obnoxious social climber like Jo? I figure he must be an actor, put in by Bravo to show that a 'normal' guy can take interest in her, because there is no way that he can be real.
I'm so happy this crap is almost over. My husband is seriously worried about my sanity when he hears me screaming obscenities at the TV. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your weekly sacrifice, in watching this piece of 'reality tv' and recapping it for us.
You are histerical, and your recaps are the only reason i even watch this show. Keep your spirits up - we the faceless legions of addicted reality tv fans, salute you.
The way I look at it is - the sacrifice of my nerves and grey matter lost or damaged while watching this bitch's antics is worth the amount of laughter I get from reading your recaps. Thanks, you add to my longevity with each epistole you pen.
3 of 6 | Posted by renia | Posted on August 28, 2008 2:53 PM
Honey-
Thanks for the amusing update! After watching this past weeks episode, the first thing I thought...this should be a good one for Honey to recap! It's a good break from the US/China Olympics. And the talking heads covering the DNC. Dont get me wrong, I do like hearing the speeches...Now I am getting my kicks of what the talking heads are saying at me, repeating the same thing, excitedly showing what new telestrator graphic-we-look-so-cool-playing with. But back to more important things...LOL....I never watched the real housewives. I wish I had so I could have seen Jo and Slade in their hideous togetherness!
Keep up the good work Honey!
Honu - Now the proud owner of Northern California Watsu spa.
4 of 6 | Posted by ukhonu | Posted on August 28, 2008 3:42 PM
WOW I love it I thought I was the only one who thought the same. What is it about Jo that is so amazing?. I mean she has a good body but besides the acne her nose is a beek. Most of the guys she dated on the show were losers. Slade is so pathetic, especially with the fuzz hanging off his beard. The english friend (bangs)is so annoying with that voice. She could make glass shatter. I think way too much attention is on JO. I know there are girls and guys that are not that attractive but something about their personality is amazing.
Jo does not have anything like that at all. I swear she is pocahontas reincarnated every time I watch the show. Maybe she should audition for Disney if her singing is so good. She could be a great voice over for a cartoon her mentality is right on.
5 of 6 | Posted by lisalott | Posted on August 29, 2008 7:28 AM
Omg, omg, OMG. Slade still has feelings for Jo!?!?!
No WAY! That just doesn't make any sense what-so-ever...Why would he agree to a dating show if he had FEELINGS for her??
GAAAHHH!!!
This show is transparent garbage!!!
Ahem.
Sorry. It's just that I actually watched this episode and it killed me a little bit on the inside.
Honey - Love the recap, you make this show funny instead of pathetic and sad.
And J-Mo - Thanks for throwing in the rant and my vocabulary word for the day. ("supertwattiness")
6 of 6 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on August 29, 2008 10:19 AM