It IS complicated. IT IS!
Hello, lovers. It's Miss Internet Sensation here to delve into the latest addition into the reality canon, Denise Richards: It's Complicated. Now, I'll be honest, I didn't come into this as a big Denise Richards hater. I would say she's mostly been irrelevant in my world, but at the very least, I would say I don't mind her. She singlehandedly inspired a generation of bisexual girls (Who hates on that?) and was in one of my favorite black comedies of the nineties, Drop Dead Gorgeous, where she was admittedly really awesome as the Jesus freak pageant psycho. Plus she screwed over the untouchable Amanda Woodward, like some life imitating art imitating Melrose Place action. That's kind of awesome, too. But this show is no Wild Things, Drop Dead Gorgeous or Melrose Place. It's "It's Complicated" and that means we get to watch Denise run around with pigs and talk about how normal she is. And she really was married to Charlie Sheen. So. At least you have me to help you through.
Our story begins with Denise and Michelle, sister, best friend and also the voice of reason, at least compared Big D. Denise says that Michelle thinks she knows what's best for her. We all know what's best for you: stop procreating with douchebags and effing Heather Locklear's husband. It doesn't take a blood relative to get that. Yes, she admits her "type" doesn't seem to be working out so well. That type being the classic self-absorbed asshole who is irresistible to all women.
So her first act as an independent woman taking back her life is a stop to the DMV. She's changing her name from Sheen back to Richards. Take that, Chuck! See how she's moving on? She doesn't care at all. Despite what the tabloids say about her begging for more Sheen-sperm, she's showing the world who's really boss. Her driver's license! She half-poses for pictures and pouts about waiting with the rest of the hoi polloi.
I think that's one of Charlie Sheen's favorite hookers.
Whatever. Waiting at the DMV is so for Mexicans.
But at last! Enough of the pretend-to-not-be-posing posing! It's Ms. Richards's turn. And big ups to the DMV! While celebs can get special treatment at clubs, stores and jail, the one place where we are all treated as cock-a-roaches equally is the Department of Motor Vehicles.
Denise presents her legal document from the judge, but it does not specifically say on the paperwork that she would be restored to the former name. In all fairness, it's really quite stupid that someone just can't get their own damn birth name on their license, especially when they show the divorce certificate. Like, you have to go to a judge ask permission to have your own name? But at the same time, I'm not surprised.
Denise knows how to handle these types of situations. She dismisses the first lady and demands to speak with a superior. No sweat, says the lady. I'd pass the buck, too. Out comes the next ranking officer in middle management. The judge has to put it on the decree. "That's stupid," sayeth Denise flatly. Can I speak to your manager. Of course. Buck passed again. And then when our final civil emerges we learn that Denise is suffering. She's sweaty and she's itchy. Um, gross. Do you suffer from psoriasis? Or some Sheen-bequethed STD? TMI.
But the head manager doesn't give a rats ass about Denise's dermatitis. And when Denise announces (after being shut down a third time) that this is a pain in the ass, the manager smiles in mockery.
Oh, it actually says it right here. NOT COMPLICATED.
Were you one of Charlie Sheen's hookers?
We don't have Charlie's sperm here, sugartits.
She now has to go back to the judge. And that settles it. She will never ever change her name again. Unless it's for Richie. Denise Sambora sounds so glamorous.
And now for the intro to the show. Which I watched twice I was so enthralled. All the labels of Denise are put on display: Glamour girl, gold digger, single mom, bitch, sex symbol, husband stealer, paparazzi magnet, MOVIE STAR! And OMG, who came up with this? This is like some telenovela shit. Univision should feel really ripped off.
PUTA!
AY, PUTA MADRE!
This will entertain me each week more than the show.
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Comments (3)
Ugghh - this show is just awful - with that said I'll probably watch the trainwreck again - just can't help it. I know all "reality" shows are staged somewhat but this one is one of THE WORST! I am glad you picked up on the constant laughing from all involved too - Denise, her dad and her assistant - its like when they don't know what to say they just nervously cackle - so annoying. My wife finds her to be attractive I think she's too plastic looking and her "personality" is just grating. So I probably won't go out of my way to watch it but if its on I'll check it out. I'm complicated that way :p
1 of 3 | Posted by Hyper-Chicken | Posted on May 30, 2008 8:53 AM
The itching, the sweating... something has me thinking Denise might be Hooked on Heroin.
2 of 3 | Posted by bonita | Posted on May 30, 2008 5:25 PM
So, I went into watching this show because I was bored thinking "God, I hate her"...but she is really funny and I think I like her...not in the Neve kind of way, though.
She likes bad guys with big dicks...yeah, I like her.
3 of 3 | Posted by melpadgett | Posted on June 3, 2008 11:05 AM