So Itchy agrees. Because she knows that this is gonna make her think twice about dropping the F-bomb. To wit: Itchy spent her very first paycheck on a pair of D&Gs. To separate Itchy from her shoes would be like not letting piggy Charlotte fulfill her destiny as a mother. The earth might spontaneously switch poles in protest. Shoes it is.
Dad still thinks she won't make it an hour.
This is such a wacky and funny idea! Somebody get Adam Sandler on the phone!
Now Itchy's back on the streets, this time with Oldrina in tow. While in the car she gets a phone call from her publicist. Those meany tabloids are at it again! Something about her dead mom and innocent lamb children. Ah, hell naw. You don't bring in fambly. So Itchy wants a meeting with this reporter. Publicist thinks this is a bad move, but Oldrina is by her side encouraging some irrational, confrontational behavior. I second the motion. This will be awesome. Are they giving her sh*t about having her kids appear on the show. For Itchy that just begs the question: What reality show DOESN'T have children??
Huh? How about The Apprentice, The Girls Next Door, Rock of Love, Paradise Hotel, The Bachelor, Big Brother...what reality show does have children on it? Reality TV is actually not for children. Unless you're Dina Lohan or Scott Baio and then you're all, Hells yeah! But, let's not that little piece of logic stand in her way. She's gonna go to the "wall" for her family.
Today she's going to meet with one of the journalists to make sure that she doesn't say anything harmful about her family. She goes into a generic office building to meet with Lycia, a celebrity journalist. (Who I discovered, with a little googling, is a writer for People magazine and also an actor herself. Surely being a fellow SAG member will help these two bond.)
When she enters the woman is polite and Itchy is delighted to find a dog in there. An auspicious start. But it rapidly devolves from there in an awesome fashion.
You will shake my dog's hand, crazy sperm huntress.
So it's a little awkward, says Itchy. Well, what's the problem? asks Lycia. I don't even know what we're talking about. What's the problem, asks Itchy, other than your name sounding like a cleaning product?
Well, begins Itchy, most publicists don't like when we talk to you in person, but I've been through the wringer with the press. And a lot of it's not true. And then Itchy gets tears in her eyes, y'all. Itchy IS just like us. She has feelings, too!
Well, why are you doing a show? Lysol wants to know and Itchy throws her mom under the bus for this. Really? Whose mom wants them to do a reality show? I'm not saying she's lying, but really, Itchy, you didn't want to it at all? She says she was approached for years, but said no. Lysol is all faux concern and journalistic optimism. Oh, so that was one of your mom's last wishes? She wanted you to do a show? Could that be a story? And this just gets the waterworks going with Itchy. They were in negotiations when she died. It's emotional. She doesn't want to be harassed about giving her a story here.
Oh, JK, Itchy Rich! She's not going to write that! But for serious. Is there any story she can give her? She's gotta give her something. Itchy's eyes get all big and incredulous at that. Does Itchy not get how this works? Why does she think they make shit up? There's not enough real shit to write about, so eventually you have to start saying whatever. And Lysol totally hates to be the bossy news bitch, but is there a story in this? Does she want to put a new story out there or does she want to squash a rumor, she prompts, trying to help Itchy along. Well, there's two sides to every story, says Itchy, not wanting to say anything else about anything else. Itchy can't believe the audacity of this cleaning product.
...
Okay. Ix-nay on the dead mom thing. Got it! How about sperm hunting?
!!!
I'm sorry. Allow me to put on my "I care deeply" face.
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Comments (7)
I don't really like her and she seems like a crazy person. Also, that was a cop out when she said, "How does one steal somebody's husband?", you could tell the woman interviewing her was like Bitch,please. Anyways, great recap IS, loving the spanish phrases.
1 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on June 5, 2008 3:02 AM
I agree...regretfully...I do kind of like her, I don't know, she just sort of says what she's thinking and I can appreciate that. Most of what she's thinking is delusional, but that's ok!
2 of 7 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on June 5, 2008 6:54 AM
i'm with you lady s. i'm diggin denise more than i thought i would.
seriously, how DO you steal somebody's husband? steal their wallet, steal their car, but stealing a grown man who is (semi) capable of making his own decisions and blow drying his own hair? laughable. (brad pitt can attest to this. don't sell him short. he has free will and there wasn't a gun to his head that we know of).
women have a way of siding against the other woman in such a catty way...totally letting the guy off the hook in these situations. what a show of female comradere. see you next tuesday ladies. gotta keep yourself in check.
men make more money and run the world...but a great pair of breasts will make them ditch their wives and lives? hardly. ok, i'm not saying NEVER....but c'mon. who's the villain here?
maybe i side with her a bit because we have a few things in common. (though my interaction with heather locklear is much, much less...or possibly not at all). my single motherhood, penchant for a kinky dude and love of all curse words puts me right up there ripe for criticism. i can't imagine what it'd be like to do all that AND have to worry about someone watching and blasting it all over the press. i suppose her millions would comfort me in a way only cold hard cash can.
the one thing i find comical is that we get reminded often of the bond film and wild things (both of which i haven't seen). lets be honest here, to me she'll always be the chick with the lips in starship troopers.
go get'em denise. fuck'em if they can't take a joke.
3 of 7 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on June 5, 2008 7:03 AM
She does have a perfect nose.
I am finding her to be much more likable than I thought I would, and your first recap was so hilarious that I set a series recording for this show on my DVR.
4 of 7 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on June 5, 2008 1:57 PM
While it is true that men have he capacity to make their own decisions, women know that if they really want a man they can get him so I think that there can be such a thing as stealing another person's SO. Catty and breaking female camaraderie or whatever as it may seem. Anyways, I don't know, I just don't like her, I obviously don't know her so I'm just saying from the little I've seen of her show. She just seems fake to me. But everyone's entitled to their opinion.
5 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on June 7, 2008 12:43 PM
ugh...i wrote 5 paragraphs and then somehow i managed to click on that damn floating Yahoo 'Y' and it killed everything i wrote and took me to the babelfish translation page. balls. thanks for nothing yahoo.
anyhoo, mitchypr - i hear ya...but i just think you're selling an entire gender short if men are really that easy. (although i will accept that MOST of them are). i also accept the fact that we're talking about richie sambora here...and that denise is hot. locklear always looked like an older carolanne from poltergiest to me.
if a man (even married) already has one foot out the door...i don't think it's "stealing" per say. those rat bastards would hop on the first acceptable piece of tail to cross their path. the bottom line is he has a choice.
ps: i do commend you on the proper spelling of comaraderie. ech. i butchered that with bells on.
6 of 7 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on June 7, 2008 6:25 PM
k37744, I agree with what you said, I guess "stealing" is a strong word.I just feel for Heather Locklear cause they were married for a long time and that's gotta suck. And the fact that Denise says that they weren't really friends anymore, IMO, that could hurt even more because you lose a friend and then your husband to said friend. Although that depends on how good of friends they were. I don't know, I guess I always side with the dumped woman. I feel bad for her, it can't have been easy.
7 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on June 10, 2008 8:16 AM