So Lori is coming over to do the interview at the house and Itchy is still debating about Heather questions and talking about their friendship and how can she not get pissed off talking about it? Maybe I didn't follow this story closely, but shouldn't Heather be the one pissed? Maybe I need to hear Itchy's side after all.
So for the first time she's sitting down with a journalist and setting the record straight! And let's dive right in. Your story felt very relevant to our readers, Lori says. All of our readers understand what it's like to steal a man from Heather Locklear. Totally resonates.
So, digs Lori, do you ever ask yourself, where did I make a misstep? Oh, but you can't fool Itchy. I know what you're getting at, she says. The Heather and Richie thing. Weeeeell, Lori says, People say, Oh, she stole her husband AND she was a friend.
And Itchy's blue eyes are goin' off. Is this gonna make her lose it?
¿Quieres una parte de mi tambien, puta? ¡Vamanos!
So come on, set the record straight. Well, can I ask you a question, Itchy turns the tables. How does someone really steal a husband? I don't know. They don't. Lori says. Exactly! People "talk out of their ass". It didn't have to be fueled the way it was, she insists. She wasn't best friends with Heather. She hadn't even been friends with her for months before she and Richie hooked up. If they had been BFFs, she never would have crossed that line. Did she hook up with her soon-to-be ex-husband. Yes. Did she have an affair? No. There's a difference. She feels she respected her marriage. She tried to take the high road and not say anything and feels she got screwed. Well Itchy set it straight. Who's buyin' what she's sellin'?
::Cough::Whore::Cough::
So, would you do anything differently, asks Lori? No way. She doesn't regret going out with Richie. He showed her mad, big c*ck lovin' like she'd never known before. And her goal with the show is to show the myriad of nuanced sides that the world doesn't know about. Poor little dear was afraid to leave her house with the paps hounding her and her mother was dying of cancer. She just wants to help people that have lost a parent, gone through a divorce, are single parents. Itchy is actually a saint and when she finishes her soliloquy she sprouts wings and flies up into heaven.
Not really. She finishes up her interview by talking about how she wants to always be in the moment and enjoy her life. She wants to instill in her daughters what her parents instilled in her. If you screw up, you have to pay the consequences. So she hopes her daughters marry hooker loving douches as long as they have big dicks!
Well Lori for one thinks that she's doing something really important for women. And alls well that ends well. Thank god there's a happy ending for Itchy this week. I wouldn't have been able to sleep tonight feeling that pretty little Itchy is misunderstood by Humanity.
But, Itchy did screw up and now she has to pay the consequences. She may have made it through the Redbook gauntlet but dad reminds her that she's been cussin up a storm and that she owes like thirteen or fourteen pairs of shoes. Since she's his little princess, he says he'll make it an even twelve and she still pouts about that. She should be allowed to swear during a stressful interview! Nope. Get your shoes together, he says. Fine. He says it hurts him more than it hurts her, but whatever, she says. She's just making room for more. He pulls out some hooker shoes and says those have to go. Go, Dad!
And, wait a flippin' second, she doesn't get them back? She has to get rid of them forever? Oh man. That's harsh. They head on over to a Goodwill in what is most likely Calabasas and I really want to know which one they go to, because I'm a good American woman just like the next gal and I would love to get my hand on those designer hooker shoes. Actually they all kind of suck.
A label does not a good shoe make.
And Itchy continues to work her magic wherever she goes.
OMG. She's hilarious! Are you sure you're not filming a major motion picture comedy here?
Walking back to the car, Itchy lets loose a slew of "f*cks", and as they saunter into the sunset dad just laughs.
And...scene.
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Comments (7)
I don't really like her and she seems like a crazy person. Also, that was a cop out when she said, "How does one steal somebody's husband?", you could tell the woman interviewing her was like Bitch,please. Anyways, great recap IS, loving the spanish phrases.
1 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on June 5, 2008 3:02 AM
I agree...regretfully...I do kind of like her, I don't know, she just sort of says what she's thinking and I can appreciate that. Most of what she's thinking is delusional, but that's ok!
2 of 7 | Posted by LNNC92 | Posted on June 5, 2008 6:54 AM
i'm with you lady s. i'm diggin denise more than i thought i would.
seriously, how DO you steal somebody's husband? steal their wallet, steal their car, but stealing a grown man who is (semi) capable of making his own decisions and blow drying his own hair? laughable. (brad pitt can attest to this. don't sell him short. he has free will and there wasn't a gun to his head that we know of).
women have a way of siding against the other woman in such a catty way...totally letting the guy off the hook in these situations. what a show of female comradere. see you next tuesday ladies. gotta keep yourself in check.
men make more money and run the world...but a great pair of breasts will make them ditch their wives and lives? hardly. ok, i'm not saying NEVER....but c'mon. who's the villain here?
maybe i side with her a bit because we have a few things in common. (though my interaction with heather locklear is much, much less...or possibly not at all). my single motherhood, penchant for a kinky dude and love of all curse words puts me right up there ripe for criticism. i can't imagine what it'd be like to do all that AND have to worry about someone watching and blasting it all over the press. i suppose her millions would comfort me in a way only cold hard cash can.
the one thing i find comical is that we get reminded often of the bond film and wild things (both of which i haven't seen). lets be honest here, to me she'll always be the chick with the lips in starship troopers.
go get'em denise. fuck'em if they can't take a joke.
3 of 7 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on June 5, 2008 7:03 AM
She does have a perfect nose.
I am finding her to be much more likable than I thought I would, and your first recap was so hilarious that I set a series recording for this show on my DVR.
4 of 7 | Posted by mle428 | Posted on June 5, 2008 1:57 PM
While it is true that men have he capacity to make their own decisions, women know that if they really want a man they can get him so I think that there can be such a thing as stealing another person's SO. Catty and breaking female camaraderie or whatever as it may seem. Anyways, I don't know, I just don't like her, I obviously don't know her so I'm just saying from the little I've seen of her show. She just seems fake to me. But everyone's entitled to their opinion.
5 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on June 7, 2008 12:43 PM
ugh...i wrote 5 paragraphs and then somehow i managed to click on that damn floating Yahoo 'Y' and it killed everything i wrote and took me to the babelfish translation page. balls. thanks for nothing yahoo.
anyhoo, mitchypr - i hear ya...but i just think you're selling an entire gender short if men are really that easy. (although i will accept that MOST of them are). i also accept the fact that we're talking about richie sambora here...and that denise is hot. locklear always looked like an older carolanne from poltergiest to me.
if a man (even married) already has one foot out the door...i don't think it's "stealing" per say. those rat bastards would hop on the first acceptable piece of tail to cross their path. the bottom line is he has a choice.
ps: i do commend you on the proper spelling of comaraderie. ech. i butchered that with bells on.
6 of 7 | Posted by k37744 | Posted on June 7, 2008 6:25 PM
k37744, I agree with what you said, I guess "stealing" is a strong word.I just feel for Heather Locklear cause they were married for a long time and that's gotta suck. And the fact that Denise says that they weren't really friends anymore, IMO, that could hurt even more because you lose a friend and then your husband to said friend. Although that depends on how good of friends they were. I don't know, I guess I always side with the dumped woman. I feel bad for her, it can't have been easy.
7 of 7 | Posted by MichyPR | Posted on June 10, 2008 8:16 AM