I know you have been waiting with bated breath for this recap, so without further adieu...
If only I could.
Yes, this recap is late. I woke up Tuesday morning to glands swollen to tumor-like proportions and a throat that felt like knives were scraping it when I swallowed. Then some dude hit my car and I had to deal with that all this week and basically, what I'm sayin' is, Itchy and her ways did not seem all that important while I struggled with daily activities like drinking water and stealing other people's antibiotics.
Because before all this went down, I was madly enthralled with the complicated world of our girl Denise Richards. I had started doing some research on the 'net and wouldn't you know, people hate this bitch! I was totally out of touch. People hate this show and they think she's a no-talent dimwit. Whoa. I think she rules. So let this recap be your appetizer for tonight's new entrée and hopefully I'll be the next media outlet she seeks. I will totally do you a solid, girl. But we can still call each other c*nts if you want to. In fact, I would prefer it. Let's be friends.
So one of the things I learned about is that according to her imdb profile, her nickname is Fluffy Girl. I'll give you a moment to let that sink in. Fluffy. Is she like a professional fluffer? A kitten? A roll of toilet paper? Basically, I shan't refer to her as anything else unless she starts talking weirdo again about how everything makes her itch.
So today Fluffy is meeting with Chuck to discuss some new "career opportunities". They are going to discuss the second season of her reality show over tea and scones. Kidding. The opportunities are way better than that. She's got Playboy "hounding" her AGAIN. She got the offer to do another cover. And much to my surprise, she looks radiant at the news. From my perspective, it appears that Chucky is trying to slip her a No face, but she just says she thinks it would be good for her. After two kids, they still want her on the cover! From Redbook to Playboy! Fluffy can do it all! God, I love Fluffy.
Do they bond over their fish lips?
Get Angelina in here and we'll have The Triplets of Hellville.
She-Fish Lips doesn't think it will hurt her. Oh, it won't hurt you, assures He-Fish Lips. It couldn't possibly do any more damage than calling a journalist a c*nt and stealing Amanda Woodward's man. Silly Fluffy. Playboy seems tame compared to your tabloid career. But will it help us? He-Fish wants to be prudent, whereas Fluffy just wants people to think she's sexy.
Prudent.
Fluffy.
Is it something you want to do? Is it something you feel comfortable doing? Who does He-Fish think he's talking to? Cate Blanchett? She-Fish has made a lot of money off her boobs!
This is what gets you Gersh, not CAA.
And in even better news Joel Silver wants to meet with her. He is a huge producer and inexplicably a big fan of Fluff's. Oh, who am I kidding. I get it. I would cast her in everything.
She wants to meet with him, too, about her image and I hope to god we get to see this meeting. Her publicist also got her a Shape cover for the Mother's Day issue and this is a bit different than Playboy. Prudent He-Fish advises Fluffer Nutter to run it by Pepaw first before she gets nudey for Heff and Fluffy says she will but waves her hand, all whatevs. No wonder he career is in the crapper. She doesn't seem to take the advice of anyone around her.
So she calls her dad from the car and says she has an offer. A movie? asks poor naive Dad. Oh, Dad. This is Fluffy we're talking about, not Natalie Portman. Not exactly, says Fluffy. But it's like stills from a movie. An adult movie. So it's almost like a movie. She drops the bomb on Dad, who says "Gosh". Aw, the disappointment in his voice is crushing me. Oh, Fluffy. Don't do it!
Yay my daughter might officially become a whore!
Clearly, she's going to have to get someone on her side, so she goes to sister, Michelle. She pretends to consider it, but basically she's all hello no. The image thing and all that.
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Comments (3)
Is it just me or does she look 14 in that last picture? And yay! I'm glad I'm not the only one rooting for her. For some reason, I want to believe she's just misunderstood. Maybe it's Wild Things. It changed me.
1 of 3 | Posted by lillybaby | Posted on June 18, 2008 11:08 PM
I don't dislike her b/c that would require me to care whether she lives or dies. However, she is not going to "Jessica Simpson" herself with this show. She is going more the "Whitney Houston" route. There are only 2 outcomes to doing a reality show. She will either be wildly popular and relateable, or you will come across as f'ing lunatic who will eventually do the Surreal Life to send your kids to private school. I think Denise is the latter but time will tell. Her best work ever was playing the daughter of the NBC executive on Seinfeld when George got caught starring at her cleavage. She should mention that more, it might win her some fans. And also tell people she is a Ninja! Yeah, a Ninja..that's happening
2 of 3 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on June 19, 2008 7:50 AM
Finally someone mixes in a little Luda with the recap! And too fitting.
"hey ho, how you doin' where you been? probly doin' ho stuff, cause there you ho again!
HAHAHHAHA
Love the recap! Can't wait until next week.
3 of 3 | Posted by kasey_v | Posted on June 19, 2008 10:41 AM