Fluffs, I just got offered to do a topless scene in a big studio movie with a well-known B-LIST STAR and you know what? I turned it down. You hold out for Clive Owen or Eric Bana. Not Hugh Hefner. Or Sean William Scott.
But Fluffy doesn't see the downside. She's already done it once. People have already seen her naked, so what's the big deal? Well, Dad will have to cancel his subscription for one. Oh, Dad made a joke! The comedy runs in the family.
So now we have to be reminded we live on a farm and watch Fluffy and Dad clean up animal crap. While she's doing it, Fluffs talks about going to a red carpet event for a cancer charity, Fertile Hope. And she wants Dad to be her date. Dad doesn't want to go. He feels out of his element and wants her to go with someone young and good-looking. Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. I'd totally go with Fluff's dad. He's the bomb. And a potentially good influence on her. Go, Dad!
Deep thinking. Very very deep.
And look who's over for a visit. It's Oldrina again and Oldrina is always ready to help. She wants to look "conservative" says Oldrina. Meh, let's just aim for "appropriate" says Fluff. She's only going with Dad. Let's not get too crazy. Oh, and while she's asking for help, how about the ol' Playboy question. Oldrina takes all of two seconds before she gives a strong fuck no. She actually gives a good delivery. Point to Oldrina.
But, whyyyyy? asks Fluffy, clearly the only one not getting this. That's easy. You've already done it! And you played two porn stars back to back. She was a classy porn star in one of those! And thank god for Oldrina, because she keeps it reals. She tells Fluffy straight up she's known for being a slut and she needs to stop the madness.
Who is this camera ass hat hiding behind the clothes? Solid work, brosef.
But Fluffy is not going down like that. She really thinks she can win this argument here. She has two kids! So take some mom roles, ding-a-ling. It's time to cover up, concludes Audrina. We're going to google your name, says Oldrina, to prove that you are known as a world-class ho.
I hear the wonky-eye thing worked for the other Audrina. How's this?
And there's pictures of her straddling the beach, straddling a man in a bed, making out with a woman. One of her Playboy pictures shows up. Who sunbathes like that? Oldrina demands to know. "I do!" chirps Fluffs.
After and Before
We go to Mr. Skin to get the truth about Denise's nudity and her stint in Wild Things is the highest rated clip! Four stars for Fluffy Girl's lady parts and lesbionix! Ah she remembers it like it was just yesterday. So does everyone else, rat-a-tats Oldrina. This bitch is good. Then they watch the clip and, ah, the memories. That scene inspired my own lifestyle choices for years to come. So there you have it! You's a ho. (Ha. That sentence totally reminds me of that Ludacris song, "Youz a ho". Does anyone remember that? With awesome lyrics like, "Reach up to the sky for the ho-zone layer."? Those lyrics provided voicemail ammunition and text messaging humor among me and my friends for years.)
You doin ho activities
With ho tendencies
Hos are your friends, hos are your enemies
But back to the action at hang, Fluffy has concluded that she should still do it while she can. Fluffy is really not letting go of this one. Maybe I'll even get my boobs done! Oh, Fluffs. But this existential debate is interrupted with a phone call from Gersh's finest, He-Fish.
Fluffy gets on the phone and it's about the Joel Silver meeting. He-Fish instructs her to dress down for a change, because some of us have to be told these things. Let's just get this meeting on the road already! So she comes back into the bedroom triumphantly telling Oldrina that she can finally get off her ass. Fluffy is going to dress like she's not a hooker! All it took was a little convincing from the casting couch, not the sage advice of everyone closest to her. And me.
But what if I suck?
And this means a shopping spree! Oldrina and Fluffy are going to get something sophisticated, conservative gear. This is a whole new chapter in her life and it'll be good to have a fresh outfit.
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Comments (3)
Is it just me or does she look 14 in that last picture? And yay! I'm glad I'm not the only one rooting for her. For some reason, I want to believe she's just misunderstood. Maybe it's Wild Things. It changed me.
1 of 3 | Posted by lillybaby | Posted on June 18, 2008 11:08 PM
I don't dislike her b/c that would require me to care whether she lives or dies. However, she is not going to "Jessica Simpson" herself with this show. She is going more the "Whitney Houston" route. There are only 2 outcomes to doing a reality show. She will either be wildly popular and relateable, or you will come across as f'ing lunatic who will eventually do the Surreal Life to send your kids to private school. I think Denise is the latter but time will tell. Her best work ever was playing the daughter of the NBC executive on Seinfeld when George got caught starring at her cleavage. She should mention that more, it might win her some fans. And also tell people she is a Ninja! Yeah, a Ninja..that's happening
2 of 3 | Posted by Fayellis1 | Posted on June 19, 2008 7:50 AM
Finally someone mixes in a little Luda with the recap! And too fitting.
"hey ho, how you doin' where you been? probly doin' ho stuff, cause there you ho again!
HAHAHHAHA
Love the recap! Can't wait until next week.
3 of 3 | Posted by kasey_v | Posted on June 19, 2008 10:41 AM