But this is no time to talk about her beloved furry treasures, it's time for an emergency girl pow wow to talk about the extra weight! Sometimes watching this show is like looking in a mirror. They need a plan. First she draws them in with the lure of racks of free bikinis (which is kind of awesome. On the 4th of July I got in a bikini and wandered around an apartment complex for hours in it, marveling at how wonderful it is to just be in a bathing suit and decided I should figure out a way to wear one all the time. I haven't been in one since, but dare to dream.) Anyway, Fluffy then lays down the real reason they are there. "I'm fat!" she announces.
"Well, you've gained weight!" agrees sister Michelle loudly. Leave it to a less hot sibling to keep it on the reals.
We didn't want to say anything. But our faces did.
Poor D is embarrassed to be on the beach because of the paps and ohmygod what's she going to do? So she decides to try some on so they can all assess how serious the situation is and first one she tries she can't even fit into the bottoms. Ruh-roh. Oldrina though has a rockin' body and isn't afraid to show it. But she couldn't fit into her bottoms either. So who cares, right? Wrong. We're still at code orange.
Don't try and get love on my tummy, bitch.
They talk about going on the "lemonade diet" which I think they're talking about the Master Cleanse, which I can assure you is no "lemonade" diet. These hos are dumb. So since no one can fit in the bottoms, everybody is on the same page. Everyone wants to lose ten pounds, showing true sisterhood and unanimous body dismorphia. They're on a strict regimen of gym and pilates and they'll hold each other's hair back as they throw up their caesar salads after every meal. Girl power!
Time to hit the gym. The word fat is thrown around like fifty times on the drive over and actual fat people everywhere have probably all thrown their entire refrigerators at the TV. STFU, skinny hos. Three times this week they're going to get their asses whooped by fitness guru, Gunnar Peterson, then two times they're all going to Pilates. We watch as Kim grunts through Pilates and she acts like she's forced to pull tugboats like Jack Lalane. STFU, weak ho.
And Fluffy is still not happy with the results.
Is "Fat Ass" odd or even?
Of course Dad is eating ice cream in the kitchen and for once Fluffy exercises (exercises! ha!) some restraint by not scarfing some down, too. Instead she is going to take a third of her dogs for a walk (which would be approximately twelve) and that endeavor is a huge failure as mutiny ensues, so she just decides to let them all just run amok in the backyard and goes back in to finish that pint of Chunky Monkey. Actually she finds the Gay Shadow and orders him to find a trainer for the dogs asappy.
Dogs can smell fat ass and it makes 'em nuts.
So now the dogs are crazier and Fluffy has lost no more calories. But she is getting a trainer. Some dude in a hat who mostly moonlights as a singer/songwriter in Topanga Canyon and probably subsists on mostly goji berries. She says she wants a "quick fix", but he doesn't use force or intimidation tactics, which is what these dogs need. But Fluffy is open. Continue, young peace jedi. He says can "create an illusion" that things are working and decides Fluffy needs to wear karma beads. Okaaay. She needs to bring some love to the experience, but Fluffy knows "love" is just code for "fat" so she obviously doesn't like this brosef.
Who you callin' fat, freak?
She appreciates the gesture, but thinks perhaps he isn't man enough for the job. They decide to test his skills on Luke, who is, unlike other dogs, motivated by food. He's a French bulldog, but hippie wants a pitbull. Okaaay. He also wants non-caffeinated tea and to speak in proximity that violates most people's comfort zones. He also wants to live in Fluffy's backyard. All in all, he seems like a total wack job. Fluffy sure know how to find 'em.
I'd prefer to speak really really close to you.
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Comments (3)
YOu are a princ(ess) to recap this horrid show, I would only watch pieces of it but I did read your whole hilarious recap!
Loved the fat ass caption.
That skinny bitch!
1 of 3 | Posted by sweetleaf | Posted on July 19, 2008 11:45 AM
I never really paid much attention to what tabloids said about this bitch but the more she "put herself out there" and shows her "true self" I like her less and less.
IS, honey, I'm starting to think that maybe you and I wouldn't be a good match either since you love and identify with her so much. If one of my friends was as self absorbed and whiney as this bitch, I would have cut her loose long ago. Especially one with a full staff complaining how stressed she is. Fuck off!!!
2 of 3 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on July 20, 2008 6:23 PM
Hi IS
I must be seriously off my rocker to come here every day to check if the next, new recap got posted, only to be disapointed again.
What is happening? Are the recaps of Itchy officially suspended? It would be a real shame since you are histerical in your comments, and you help me ensure that it is not I who is crazy, it is the world of Itchy that's gone completely bonkers.
I really really miss your recaps - they were so much funnier than the show, and so entertaining. Is there really no chance of a restart?
3 of 3 | Posted by renata | Posted on August 5, 2008 8:54 PM