His idea of dog training is to use only hand signals. He wants it to be firm, fair and parallel to the dog's nose. He then gives the dog a treat. Well that genius solved the problem. Give dogs treats every time you want them to do something. Hippie. Now you have a bunch dogs that think they deserve a treat just for not shitting on the kitchen floor. I can only imagine what kind of parent he'll be.
They send him on his way and Fluffy and Hippie embrace awkwardly. Gay Shadow doesn't get a hug and can't believe it.
But I'm all about the love.
Later that day, Dad has made a delicious dinner for all the girls and, like good females, all of them insist they can't eat it because they have to diet and eat kale and sprouts that Kim prepared. And then they spend five minutes hovering and smelling and gaining weight just looking at it.
Are carbs airborne?
Kim arrives and we learn that she didn't even bring over kale and sprouts, she actually brought over the ingredients for the master cleanse or "lemonade diet": water, lemons, cayenne pepper and maple syrup. She tells us it's for "losing weight". Ass hat. It's a cleanse, not the Atkins diet. But it's all a set-up for the hilarious dad eating and idiots trying to embark on a serious cleanse for the sake of a bikini body. Fluff for brains even insists she doesn't even want to hear the health benefits. Of course she doesn't.
Can we blend it and add salt on the rim?
Dad, who is especially cranky this episode, goes off on them, saying that this is not a healthy way to lose weight, but how can we even discuss this because the dogs are running amok again? Sugar is on the table eating the only actual food in the kitchen and Dad is getting even more crotchety instead of just being grateful someone is eating his food.
They toast to skinny bitches and Fluffy says she'd rather be fat as she gags on the concoction.
OMG. This is going to be great for vomming!
Next up is more kennel drama and Fluffy still needs her quick fix. Gay Shadow finds another Topanga Canyon loose goose who is an "animal communicator" and medium. She can share with Fluffy what dead pets are saying. She also has done extensive research on what it means when your pet eats his own shit. It means he likes it.
If you give me karma beads, too, I'm gonna cut you.
Apparently shit is tasty. Who knew? So then we bring out Bob the pig who we haven't seen in a while. She informs us Bob is having an identity crisis. He doesn't know he's a pig. And he's horny. Wow. If you are still with me, you deserve a medal. Moving on, Fluffy is not convinced that this woman is not just riding the short bus herself, so she gives her Lucy, a tough case to crack. Lucy's been having accidents around the house.
Well have things changed in the household? asks the medium. Apparently, the dogs are telling Wackadoo that it's been like a "revolving door" in the house and it's upsetting their schedule. Who's she kidding. Fluffy's hooha is growing cobwebs and she responds with an "Excuuuuse me?" So Fluffy sends her on her way.
Dad checks in about the pet communicator with Fluffy and Gay Shadow (seriously, doesn't he do any work? Couldn't he have just found a normal pet trainer? Or ordered some Cesar DVDs?) Anyway, it's all big news to find out that animals can intuit what we're going through and understand us.
I just like to hang out and kiss ass.
The episode continues with its riveting story lines as workout regimen continues. The gals are all in the backyard dodging poop while they do squats and then have a girl weighing party. Fluffy is up first and she's lost one pound. How is this possible? She drank lemonade. She went to pilates and effing Gunner Peterson!!! But she can't do anymore. Screw the paps. She's gonna wear her fat jeans and a sarong.
So just as we saw coming the girls have no willpower and feed their faces with ice cream. Also, Kim looks at Fluffy like she is the ice cream.
Awkward gayelle cutaway.
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Comments (3)
YOu are a princ(ess) to recap this horrid show, I would only watch pieces of it but I did read your whole hilarious recap!
Loved the fat ass caption.
That skinny bitch!
1 of 3 | Posted by sweetleaf | Posted on July 19, 2008 11:45 AM
I never really paid much attention to what tabloids said about this bitch but the more she "put herself out there" and shows her "true self" I like her less and less.
IS, honey, I'm starting to think that maybe you and I wouldn't be a good match either since you love and identify with her so much. If one of my friends was as self absorbed and whiney as this bitch, I would have cut her loose long ago. Especially one with a full staff complaining how stressed she is. Fuck off!!!
2 of 3 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on July 20, 2008 6:23 PM
Hi IS
I must be seriously off my rocker to come here every day to check if the next, new recap got posted, only to be disapointed again.
What is happening? Are the recaps of Itchy officially suspended? It would be a real shame since you are histerical in your comments, and you help me ensure that it is not I who is crazy, it is the world of Itchy that's gone completely bonkers.
I really really miss your recaps - they were so much funnier than the show, and so entertaining. Is there really no chance of a restart?
3 of 3 | Posted by renata | Posted on August 5, 2008 8:54 PM