Tonight on the hundredth episode of Desperate Housewives, we get lots of closeups of wigs n' weaves and Beau Bridges wears a lot of plaid.
Just stopped by to ask you to vote no on spreading the wealth around.
HOLLER. Flipit here. Hypnotoad is on a much needed vaca this week, so I will be taking over the recap! Don't worry, he'll be back for the next one.
As the show opens, Mary Alice coos about some handy man named Eli Scruggs being able to fix anything. Shots of him stabilizing a banister, fixing a sink, and picking up Hatcher's face off the floor and piecing it all back together on her skull. Well, the banister's still shaky, he doesn't even look like he knows how to use his pipe tool thingy, and we've all seen the state of Hatcher's face. Basically, Eli Scruggs is a really crappy handy man.
Someone's gonna teach me how to use this thing before the cameras roll, right?
Mary Alice tells us in her usual "who made poopie in their dipey?" voice that Eli is about to break the hearts of all of the street's residents. AW! So I guess he's dead. Poor Beau Bridges can't catch a break. If Jeff were available you know Cherry would have made him the Jackson replacement and given him a shirtless scene, but Beau showed up instead so his ass has to die. He makes his way up a ladder as McClusky rushes over and tells him to get his butt down there. McClutskey's back! YAY! I am very happy to see her for her allotted two minutes, but if Cherry is planning on not ever showing Lily Tomlin again after such a lame ass storyline there's gonna be some major splaining to do.
Anypenny, McC is pissed because Scruggs just left a note on her door about his retirement. She's like "who's gonna fix my water heater when it breaks? Who's gonna be responsible enough not to leave nails and shit lying around? And what about Hatcher's face?" The doctor told Scruggs that he's getting old and his heart's gonna burst from the tight pants he wears to his job every day so he's going to take his savings and move to Hawaii. Only in Cherryland would a handy man make enough money to retire in Hawaii, but whatevs.
Goodbye kiss time!
She says that leaving a note is kinda cold and he tells her that he just "wants to go quietly, if you know what I mean." Oh, just die already. McClusky leaves him to climb his ladder and fix a shingle on the roof before he has a heart attack and bites it. A nail falls off the roof and into his tool box on the ground and after telling us that he's dead, Mary Alice adds "and most importantly, without leaving a mess." Cute violin plucks. Never has a show made dying so adorable.
Gabby's daughter Juanita comes down the street walking very slowly and dribbling a ball. She stops to get some air into her lungs and wipe the sweat off of her...everything, when she notices Scruggs dead on the roof being molested by Edie.
Now we know how Michael Bolton felt.
Susan gets home with a bottle of wine and finds paramedics trying to get the poor guy off her roof while all the neighbors stand around and watch. I love this street. This would never happen in my neighborhood. There was a guy shot across from my building and the only one who paid any attention besides the one half assed late ass ambulance was the old man who came out a couple of hours later to hose down the sidewalk and curse under his breath.
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Comments (10)
The ghetto is fine for gangsters but you don't seem like a gangster. You don't even seem like the wife of a gangster so I would suggest you move to a better neighborhood. One where people aren't being shot across the street. How about someplace where every home has chiffon curtains? Speaking of West Hollywood, I was there on Sunday. I went to Chi Chi LaRue's to buy Blackballed 4.
(Hey, maybe you could move to Wisteria Lane and be that cute gay guys "stuff on the side?")
Back to the show: What have you got against Matlock? I like my Matlock.
The recap was very funny. The socket on Bree's temple. The unflattering pictures of Susan's neck.
Edie's solution to hiding crow's feet. All of it --
VERY, very funny.
P.S. Crocs? I'm strangely fascinated by them but I would never actually wear them. I'm gay but I'm not THAT GAY.
1 of 10 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on January 21, 2009 7:59 AM
Excellent! (Both the show and the recap)
I met Bridges many years ago at a funeral. He and his father were very gratious and likable.
I really enjoyed this episode - for a lot of reasons (for one thing, more of the women were glammed up.)
I was a bit ferklempt at the Mary Alice bit, too - and I am not gay.
My GF watched it at her place and didn't like it - mostly because Beau's character had never been introduced before. Oh, well!
2 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on January 21, 2009 9:07 AM
Ohhhh Flipit- I love you. This recap had me rolling, especially the pics of Hatchet face and the comment about her looking like an alien...so true. And I'm also ashamed to admit that I was crying at the end....Damn plumber.
I will join you on Team Beige to kill Mike's boring ass because they really are dragging that storyline out. Do it already! Or get your beige head off my screen.
XOXO, corndoggy dog
3 of 10 | Posted by corndog | Posted on January 21, 2009 9:47 AM
Favorite comment in this hilarious recap: ...starring Beau Bridges and the possums guest starring as his eyebrows.
I say keep Mike and kill off Beige.
4 of 10 | Posted by Clair | Posted on January 21, 2009 12:29 PM
OMG, HA!
Not even done with the recap yet but I had to give you snaps on "I spend all my money on Milky Ways and ironic t-shirts and still wonder why the lights get turned out"!!
You...
You're just like ME!
I feel so much better about all those ironic tshirts. It's a pity I can't enjoy them in the dark but that doesn't stop me from loving them!!
Thanks for making me feel better about myself, Flip.
Now onto the rest of the recap!
5 of 10 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on January 21, 2009 12:55 PM
Flipit, you are sooo awesome!!!! It's such a joy to read your recap, having not watched the epi, and try to discern reality from it!!! I'm sure buckets of salties would have poured from my face, I'm easy . . . Lebanese . . . that's hawt!!!! . . . . I'm on team beige, but I'm okay if they both die!!!
Since the camera was swooping behind their heads, how come there's no theater in there . . .
I hope Hatcher can keep her face on, coz me likey some alien baby!!!
That Jackson must be really sick, I think they should have recast his role with someone fug, and it turns out that Hatcher is sooo needy for love that she hallucinates hotness (ahem) onto schlubs. I'm glad I just like schlubs the way they are, no need for those delusions in my world!
This seems like an odd roll out of this season, why don't they just skip seasons and stop running good show against good show, and just stagger the releases . . . . I still feel the void of no ANTM . . .
6 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on January 21, 2009 2:00 PM
Highly sentimental episode...
recap was way funnier.
7 of 10 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on January 22, 2009 12:59 PM
You kids better not get used to Flipit, cuz I'm back with the next episode! I so wanted to recap the big Hundie, but alas, I had family stuff to attend to. Flipit rocks, you guys -- can I get a round of applause for that hunk of studly?
Anyhoo, like I said, I'll be back with the next episode. Until then, keep rockin' like Blu Odyssey.
8 of 10 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on January 22, 2009 7:21 PM
Wow, Flipit..now I see why you're HRIC. You can guestcap any day.
This episode was pretty good, what with all the beardless Carlos and flashbacks of characters that remind me why I started watching the show in the first place.
Terri Hatcher needs some meat on her bones stat! At least Edie has a nice body (from the waist down) to make up for her aging face. HD is knocking my rose-colored glasses right the hell off.
How come Dana Delaney wasn't in any of the flashbacks since she supposedly used to live on Wisteria back in the day?
Factcheck:
"She's throwing all his shit out on the sidewalk, Stella Got Her Groove Back style."
It was Waiting to Exhale that Angela Bassett threw out all of the clothes with the still-funny line "Get your shit! Get your shit!.."
9 of 10 | Posted by BlahBlah | Posted on January 23, 2009 1:57 PM
man it was awesome filling in on this show this week. as cheesy as it gets, it's one of my guilty pleasures and am always surprised how hard it makes me laugh and occasionally cry. thanks hypno! psyched to have your recaps back when it comes back in a couple weeks though, fo sho yo.
blah blah thank you!!! i can't believe i got my black women empowerment movies backwards!! i should know better. i changed the entry, for the generations to come that will be reading. LOL. thanks again! see ya in the funny papers!
10 of 10 | Posted by flipit | Posted on January 23, 2009 4:38 PM