OMFG, you guys. I am so, so, so sorry about the lateness of this one. Almost two weeks! But if you want to blame someone, blame GE (the makers of the Bitenuker) for making such a shoddy speaker product that the speaker plug broke off in my Macbook's speaker jack, therefore giving me no sound. No sound at all! My thanks goes out to the good people at the Apple Store in Skokie, IL, who do God's work. Now let's put this bitch to bed!

What's this!? We don't open with a blah blah metaphor blah by Mary Alice? No, we do not.

Even she is speechless at the sight of this sweater.

Dave is on a pay phone, telling the ranger station that he thought saw some people huntin' illegally up at Emerson Lake, and he knows people like to go campin' up there. Apparently, fresh woodsy air makes Dave drop the "g" on the ends of words. And apparently it gives him a slight Southern accent. But who am I to judge? I speak to myself in a British accent. All the time. But then again, my hair is a color actually found in nature.

Ah, here's Mary Alice. She says Dave had been planning the murder for years, and here's how it goes: First, he'd take Katie and Mike camping, then pretend to be asleep while they left to go hiking, and then he'd shoot them when they stopped to take a breath. Or to take a number two. Whatever. Ergo, ipso facto, Dave would devastate Mike by shooting Katie. Really? I don't think he'd be THAT devastated. This is why Dave called the ranger station. Then he'd drive home, enjoying Mike's pain. Okay, not that I plan on getting revenge on anyone (yet), but the whole thing sounds pretty lame if you ask me. Where's the torture? Where's the bitch-slap with a hand gun? Where's the scary Chinese guy who pulls out teeth? Oy, I've been watching too much Alias. Now THERE'S a show that knows how to give good revenge. And also, plot. With the exception of season 4 perhaps. Anyhoozies, Patty Duke's dad asks his assistant to fax Edie the news stories, one of which shows the flannel-y picture of Mike. Apples and credits!

Just pour her a shot glass of Drano and be done with it.

Mary Alice talks about jolts to the system as various secondary characters get shocked by appliances. Hmmm, shocks . . . could this be a metaphor for something else? Ah, yes. It is, because Suzy-Q is shocked (shocked!) to find Karl at her school. He looks good in a suit. Apparently, he's enrolling his son, Evan, in the same school. Wow, Evan's hair is . . . disturbing. Susan and Karl argue cuz Susan doesn't want everyone to know that Karl is her ex, because having 2 ex husbands isn't cool. Somewhere, Ross Gellar is watching this and saying, "Yeah, right. Try 3 divorces! Three divorces!! My sandwich!!"

This hair is child abuse.

Over at Carlos's place of business, Lucie is throwing down the gauntlet, telling everyone that they have to work nights and crap, even Lynette, who coaches her daughter's basketball team. Huh. I'm surprised she even remembered she had a daughter. Also, Lynette is touching Lucie's figurines which Lucie hates, so I guess that little plot will come back later. Everyone complains about working late and junk. Lucie's all, if you're on commission, you'll make a shit ton of money, and if not, you'll get to keep your job, which, "in today's economy, is a bonus all to itself." Shut. Up. About. The economy. Because you just reminded me, Cherry, that I haven't found a job in 4 months, and just yesterday found out that I didn't get a job I interviewed for last week. Just show us people sleeping with each other's husbands, beige hair, and lame klepto b-stories, mmkay Cherry? When Lynette and Carlos are alone, they talk about missing their kids, and Lynette wants Carlos to get Lucie to change her ways.

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Posted in Desperate Housewives by Hypnotoad at 9:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Last Comment: juddfan on Apr 6, 2009 05:31 PM.