This week on Desperate Housewives: Edie's dead. I know we were all hoping for a coma to drag her out through the end of the season, but no. Cherry don't care about the fans. The girls take a road trip with Edie's ashes, giving them time to reminisce about Edie and say lame things in probably the cheesiest episode of DH ever, one that really doesn't honor the character of Edie in any way. Wow, bitter much, Hypnotoad? Yes. Yes I am.
At least she got to give Susan one last "you're the biggest moron I've ever met" look. AW!
Before we start, did anyone else read those catty comments by Ms. Sheridan and Ms. Cherry? Cuz I did. Who was the winner? I'm going with Nicolette. Because she's right -- her comments about how the show has gone downhill? Spot on. And because, let's face it, whether you're gay or straight, you'd rather sleep with her than Marc Cherry. Am I right, people? I know I would, and I usually stay away from the womany nether regions.
Oh, hey, Edie's narrating this episode? I sure hope she hits us hard with the metaphors like Mary Alice does. Something about equating pie with relationships or something would be nice. Like, "Because sometimes people, like pie, can be crusty. And if you're not careful handling them, they can burn you." Damn, I could totally write for this show! Edie narrates about what happened last week when she crashed and burned. You know what? Methinks Nicolette isn't too into the narration. And why should she be? Marc Cherry hates her. People leave their homes to rush outside to find Edie lying on the ground. They stare at her rockin' bod for awhile, then finally "all hell broke loose" and everyone starts caring. Susan whispers to Edie that she'll be all right, and Edie narrates about how Susan was wrong again. And then? Edie dies. Dammit! Credits. A part of me wants to turn this bitch off right now, but I won't. Because I have a commitment. To you, my friend.
I just wanted to relish this look again. Thank you for indulging me.
As Edie narrates, a couple days after she died, Dave asked the ladies (including McCluskey, yay!) to go on a mission. A mission to build a rocket so he can go back to Planet Beige? Sadly, no. This mission includes scattering Edie's ashes. I'm guessing at a biker bar. Anyway, as they're driving, they decide to reminisce about Edie. This better be new stuff, cuz I ain't in the mood for a lame flashback episode. Edie deserves more than that. Oh damn, Bree overdid it on the hair volumizer today. Yeowza. Susan, being the weenie that she is, says they should focus on the nice things Edie did. Meh. That's nice, but I kinda want to see Edie skankin' it up. Bree is all, Susan you and Edie always hated each other. "Yeah," says Susan. "That's what everybody thinks." Which segues us neatly into what is probably a flashback. Or maybe a broadway song. God, I hope not, though.
Bree just rolled out of her trailer and jumped in the car. Glad you got a nap in!
Susan's Flashback: Susan is throwing away her trash outside when she opens it to pull out a donut. First of all, gross. Second of all, I would totally do that. Edie, out jogging, spies her and offers her money to buy a new donut, or alcohol, or crack. Hee. They introduce themselves to each other, and I'm pretty sure this whole scene (and probably the whole episode) is retcon, but whatev. Susan invites Edie in for coffee (although Edie wanted a margarita). Susan thinks they're going to get along just fine. Then we find Susan and Edie jogging, and Susan, out of breath, tells Edie that she hates jogging, even though they've been jogging for a week. A couple neighbors we've never seen before, walk by, and Edie tells Susan that she's sleeping with the man, who is married. Susan gets all judgey-wudgey and says that she can't be friends with Edie anymore.
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Comments (10)
Oh my God, Hypnotoad, I don't even watch Desperate Housewives but this make me laugh SO HARD. You are excellent!!
1 of 10 | Posted by BaileyQuarters | Posted on April 23, 2009 6:40 AM
Worst. Episode. Ever. Thought I was watching a Charles Busch fake "B" movie for a moment and then realized that his fake emotions were way more realistic than this crap. I feel bad for all of the actresses who had to spew that shit out of their mouths. With scripts like this perhaps we are going to have back to back "Susan's dead," "Bree's dead," "Lynette's dead" and so on episodes real soon. All with cheesy flashbacks until there is only Mark Cherry narrating from his dream world where he thinks we will keep watching this crap. You were right, Edie deserved better.
2 of 10 | Posted by Bingo Blog Boy | Posted on April 23, 2009 8:58 AM
Finally gave up and took it off my record list after Edie was electrocuted... but I promise to keep reading your excellent recaps!
Edie didn't leave the show... the show left her.
RIP all of above.
3 of 10 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on April 23, 2009 9:23 AM
I was just waiting for one of them, at the end, to say "Slut". But it never came!
Ugh, this show...
Seasons 1 - 3 were all pretty great. I gave season 4 a pass, because it was all screwy due to the writer's strike and all, but ick, this season has just been awful.
I actually stopped watching a couple of months because I just couldn't be bothered anymore. They're all whiny and their problems are always the freaking same.
I will miss Edie, truly. And now I have to go find her and Cherry's comments, because I missed that whole kerfuffle. It looks intriguing.
Great recap, as usual!
4 of 10 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on April 23, 2009 11:18 AM
Loved, loved, loved the recap.
Favorite lines:
The suspense is mildly annoying me!
and
"My ashes were scattered -- Hey, Meyer! What the hell?! You suck, you bitch! I always hated you, you effing skank! Screw you, Meyer! Fuck you, Cherry!"
5 of 10 | Posted by Clair | Posted on April 23, 2009 12:16 PM
Well, I'm glad you're not bitter.
I read the interview in TV GUIDE too. I like the last quote from Nicollete Sheridan when referring to Mark Cherry she said, "He's such a bitch!"
If Cherry had been a better producer he could have dealt with her more effectively. (NS is, I'm sure, a piece of work.)
Oh, well. DH can't get any worse so I'll look forward to next season with anticipation and a smile. They should have more gay couples on DH though. They should have 4 gay couples and then the ladies could mill around in the background while the HOT gay guys take center stage. They could rename it Desperate Househusbands. There could be a lot of man on man kissing and men making out with each other and men without their shirts on and man on man bitch fights. I would SO watch that show.
6 of 10 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on April 23, 2009 12:46 PM
Nicollete Sheridan is being so nice in that interview when she says the show became "complacent". I might have said it "became crappy and terrible". Or that it "began to suck large donkey balls".
Because dammit I used to love the housewives!! Right now I've got something like 30 episodes on my DVR and I've been watching every episode starting from the pilot. It went from good to amazing to meh (it's a word now, look it up!) to TERRIBLE!!
I guess if anything NS should be grateful she got out before this suckfest really gets rolling.
7 of 10 | Posted by Nemesiis | Posted on April 23, 2009 1:45 PM
I totally second pretty much all of these comments.
Totally, georgiababe. Seasons 1-3 were really great. And I actually liked season 4 quite a bit too. And the interview shouldn't be hard to find, at least the quotes from it. I don't know if she and Cherry were interviewed together, though . . . something tells me they weren't, but I can't confirm that.
This episode was just really horrible, if you ask me. The dialogue was hackneyed, clunky, predictable, and lame. And the flashbacks didn't really give me any insight into Edie at all. Especially the one with McCluskey, which I'm sure was supposed to be "touching," but it was like 30 seconds long and there was no, like, grand sweeping statement from Edie that made me go, "Oh wow, she really, really loves Travers, and that proves it!" And it seemed like the four main gals (and even McCluskey) were just going through the motions most of the time. A lot of it, especially the scenes in the car, seemed totally forced. Nemesiis, you're right. The only word suitable (well, the only polite word, anyway) to sum up this episode? Meh.
I just . . . you guys . . . I'm so . . . it's just . . . ugh. This season frustrates me to no end. I mean, they have to know how much it's sucking, right? Cherry & Co. can't be oblivious, can they?
8 of 10 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on April 23, 2009 4:46 PM
I'm sure everyone on the lot tells Mark Cherry he is the smartest man in the world and this season has been great!
BTW: Uh, Mark Cherry doesn't care what people like us think.
9 of 10 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on April 24, 2009 7:46 AM
erg! I don't know how he managed to create Edie in the first place, without falling in love with her on the page, and knowing in his heart of hearts that she should be a big part of what transpires on the show.
Myself, I'm a big softie, so I squeezed a little mist toward the end, but probably mostly because I watched, and it was the end of Edie . . . I found her complex.
Nemesiis, if you're rewatching, could you remind me what the epi in the boat with Susan was about, that was where I felt the shift in her character, about being friends with her or something.
Thanks Hypno, wish they had let you write it!!!
Marc Cherry must know he's lame ass, what fool wouldn't use the chance of killing a main character to beef up his lammmo plot of this season, ya know, she was only married to the killer, not too much of a connection there . . .
10 of 10 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on April 24, 2009 2:47 PM