So Mary Alice tells us about some oldie called Rose who . . . well, she's been through a lot in her life, what with people dying, and false teeth, and clipping coupons for cat food even though her cat, Mr. Tinkles, died in 1986. Turns out, this is the old bitch that Orson tried to steal something crappy from like a month ago. She hit Orson with a baseball bat, fulfilling a fantasy that many of us have had this season. Unfortunately, Orson survived, and Edie almost hit him with her car. How come Edie dies but this schlub gets to live another day to steal his neighbor's coffee mugs and Good Housekeeping magazines from 2007? Lame, Cherry. Anysnooch, Katherine visits Rose in the hospital, where the nurses have apparently given her a makeover to make her look like a whore. What is it with lipstick and the ladies of Wisteria Lane? Rose says that Death was the one that entered her house, but she beat him away, and instead he killed Edie. Katherine's skeptical.

Will they let me take this Ho Red Lipstick home?

Mary Alice blahs about hiding mistakes, as Boreson (hey! Let's call Orson "Boreson" from now on, 'kay?) tells the doc that he "fell" and bumped his head. As he was getting dressed. In the dark. On the stairs. Bree says she can't take any more shenanigans (join the club, bitch) and Boreson says he'll be a good husband from now on, with no more lies. Oh, how I wish that were true.

Meanwhile, over at Dave's house, Gabby knocks on his door, but Dave doesn't answer. The gals (the usual, except Katherine instead of Bree) are worried, especially Susan, who left a casserole on his doorstep three days ago and is surprised that squirrels haven't gotten into it. Lynette wonders if anyone's seen any dead squirrels. My, how droll. The gals say that they need to keep checking up on Dave (why do they care?). None of them can, because they have work, and Gabby has a Garden Club meeting. The other gals make witty remarks about "hot, shirtless gardeners" with "rock-hard abs," and it's actually quite funny. Katherine says Mike can check up on Dave. Insert another comment about Susan's cooking, and we're out.

Over at Dave's, Mike comes in with a shirt on. Lame. You know, I would totally be willing to forgive the overall crapiness of this season if all the guys walked around with their shirts off. Dave sits in the kitchen with a bottle of liquor (whiskey, maybe scotch) and mopes, and when Mike tries to help, Dave goes a little ape-poopy, and . . . Dude. Looks like Dave got a Kardashian spray tan on his face. What's up with all the redness below the eyes? Mike leaves because Dave's got a puss on.

Red doesn't look very good with beige, but it's cool to see someone match their hair to their wall color.

Tom is lifting weights in the bedroom when Lynette comes home. He says Lynette can "cop a feel" of his biceps if she wants. Tom is all randy, but of course Lynette shuts him down, for many reasons. One, she's a cold, emasculating shrew. Two, she took a shower at work. In Carlos's office. Tom gets all freaky because she already spends like 16 hours a day at work and now she's showering in Carlos's office, and it's too much, TOO MUCH! Please. Is there anyone here who can see Lynette and Carlos together? Either one or both of them would end up in prison, the hospital, or the morgue after one day. Tom's putting a kibosh on the Carlos's office showers.

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Posted in Desperate Housewives by Hypnotoad at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Last Comment: Mr Dangerous on Apr 30, 2009 12:17 PM.