Back at Susan's, she paces the kitchen until Mike drops Jackson off at the door. They had such a great time that they're going to O'Brien's later this week for some kick-ass potato skins. They go upstairs, where Jackson begins to lick and kiss Susan's ear. Susan stops him because he's never done that before. She realizes that Mike told Jackson about the ear thing and is not pleased. Jackson ain't gettin' any tonight! She bans Jackson from seeing Mike again.
Shabby Gabby is cleaning the windows on her porch. Bree saunters up to her and tells her that Gabby can't come to the Downing's party. Wow, way to be a good friend, Bree. Bree says that Michelle asked her to dis-invite Carlos and Gabby because Carlos works at the country club now, and "staff" can't interact with guests. Bree tries to act sympathetic as Gabby whines about how she used to be rich and fabulous but now she's not. I get it, Cherry. Now give Gabby something else to talk about, mmkay?
I get letting yourself go a bit after two kids, but come on. Orange zebra print? Never.
Lynette is at her laptop and tells Tom that she's set up a Silverfizz account to stalk her son. She's posing as another teenage girl. Oh, shit, better alert Chris Hansen and the staff of To Catch a Predator! Wait, hold that thought. I don't want Lynette to shoot herself. Lynette has found that Porter writes some really great poetry, but Tom tells her to cut that crap out now that she knows that Porter doesn't hang with the druggies. Lynette says that she'll do that. You know what? I just don't believe that she will. Tom leaves to get some fish heads to throw at Penny in the basement, and Lynette opens her laptop again. Oh, Lynette! You so crazy! Also, that feeling of icki-ness you're getting from Lynette posing as a teenage girl to fake an interest in her son? Yeah, that's just going to get worse as the episode goes on. Just so you know.
Porter sits at his computer and chats to a girl whose screen name is Sara J. Porter actually types, "I luvs me some Walt Whitman!" "Sara J" who is Lynette, obviously, types back "Emily Dickinson kicks Walt Whitman's ass!" Probably. That bitch was crazy! But here's a lesson I learned from my Emily Dickinson Seminar: She really didn't care for Leaves of Grass. She thought it was a filthy, filthy book. Also, she liked birds and stuff. Porter calls "Sara J" out on her love of "spinster poetry." Ha. That's sort of a good one. "Sara J" asks if Porter has a girlfriend. He says he doesn't, but there is a certain girl he's interested in. "Sara J" tells him to send her a poem, cuz girls eat that crap up. Oh, there's no way THIS is going to blow up in anyone's face. Nuh-uh. No way.
Play with your boobies.
McCluskey's cat is missing! Oh, Toby! Dave asks her what's going on, and McCluskey asks for his help. It seems Toby must have gotten out through the open living room window, but McCluskey doesn't remember opening it. Dave asks her if she's apologized to Edie yet, and since he's about to help her find her cat, that she should consider apologizing to Edie. Okay, so far, nothing this guy has said has really been THAT creepy, and if it weren't for the music playing in the background, then we would all think he's just some boring guy with a nice ass. Lame, Cherry. Lame.
Bree is at a radio station, about to give an interview with the host. They start, and Bree says she's traditional, and likes to gather the family around the table for a good meal. Yeah, maybe in 2005. But this is 2013 honey, and we cut to Orson sitting alone, eating Chinese take-out. During the interview, Bree is asked about a "Mr. Van de Kamp." She says that there was one, but he's since passed on. She leaves out the tiny detail that he was poisoned by her pharmacist whom she was then engaged to, and who she then left to die from an overdose of sleeping pills. Seriously, if you haven't seen this show in it's prime, check out Season 1, and the first half of Season 2. Great stuff. Bree doesn't mention Orson at all. Orson mad. Mad enough to run over someone in his car again? We'll see. We'll see.
Bree has turned into Jack Nicholson's Joker. Five years can do a lot of harm.
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Comments (23)
I was more than halfway through reading the recap when I was composing my "Thank you for NOT putting any pictures of Jackson in the recap" comment when I got to page 5, saw him and promptly threw up.
Other than that, great recap. "Beige hair" - hee hee hee.
1 of 23 | Posted by Clair | Posted on October 8, 2008 3:57 PM
So you have a new gay boyfriend. What happened to Seacrest?
Too funny Hypno, thanks for the recap, I wish it was giving me more hope about the show, but heck, I just let it roll on by and wish Susan was killed in the car wreck, at least her scenes give me a chance for a refill . . . more McKlusky and Edie, please, since were making a list for Mr. Cherry.
That scene calling Mrs M lonely was sad . . . Whatever he's up to I hope it's good, and maybe he'll off Susan and Mrs. M and Edie can pick up the slack, I'd throw Gabby in too, esp after your analysis, but then where would Carlos be . . . not likely shirtless . . .
2 of 23 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 8, 2008 4:54 PM
It would have been a lot funnier had Orson gotten Katherine over to make him a pot roast. Bree would've pooped her granny panties!
Loved the recap!
3 of 23 | Posted by Cherie | Posted on October 8, 2008 9:42 PM
Oh my gosh! That would have been AWESOME. Plus, we could use a little bit more of bitchy Katherine. Why give her star credit, AND put her in all the promotional photos if you're not going to use her? Sheesh. Nice, Cherry. Very nice.
Kudos, Cherie.
4 of 23 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 8, 2008 10:38 PM
Susan's on and off relationship with Mike has become tiresome. I think the show needs a boost with a new Susan (after all it has been 5 years past) and with a new man with her. I quite like the new Susan and the new guy Jackson, who is awefully sweet, and handsome too. Susan has never looked more beautiful.
5 of 23 | Posted by frosty | Posted on October 9, 2008 10:28 AM
Thanks for the suggestion. Now I know what I want to panel my den with. Gale Harold RULES.
6 of 23 | Posted by ducdebrabant | Posted on October 9, 2008 12:59 PM
Not finished reading the recap (only on page 1), but damn all the Gale Harold hate.
Why do you think Jackson's boring? Wait...are you actually listening to him? I have no idea what he's talking about or if he even has any lines cuz I'm so busy :-P.....
Obviously, they have directed him to act goody-two-shoes because he is not his same sexy Brian Kinney self here (maybe Susan's innate unsexiness is contagious?!), but he still does it for me - even in a teeny tiny robe. Especially in a teeny tiny robe. :)
7 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:18 AM
"Damn, Dave got back! Nice and tight, Dave. Nice and tight. Thanks for more man-candy, Cherry!"
I was wondering if anyone but me would notice this!!! So glad you did. Now I don't feel like such a pervert. Thanks.
8 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:20 AM
The guy who plays Dave - Neil something...Is that his real hair color?? I've seen him on other stuff and it always looks like that...I think the buns of steel are meant to distract us from the freaky hair color. It works.
9 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:23 AM
Ok, now I understand the Gale Harold hate...
"Ricardo Antonio Chavira is pretty good at playing blind. He's also pretty good at looking shirtless."
+
"[Gale Harold's] upper body is oddly proportioned."
= You like beefcake
10 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:27 AM
Sorry, the recap is just so thought-provoking that I can't stop myself from...thinking.
One of the things that irked me about this episode is something you point out in your screenshot. It's 2013 and nosy Lynette STILL doesn't know what a social networking website is? I call BS on that. And will be including this in my letter to Marc Cherry, along with a special request for a shirtless-scene-per-episode clause in Ricardo's contract (just for you).
11 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:32 AM
"...and makes that whip sound that suggests that he thinks Jackson is whipped by Susan. Not literally, of course, but that Jackson is a freaky-deaky."
Don't forget the "meooow!" before the whip sound suggesting that Mike thinks Jackson is PUSSY-whipped by Susan. You're right. It only took 4 seasons of crazy disasters and 10(?) years of knowing Susan to get a sense of humor/personality.
12 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:43 AM
A few issues - Wasn't Porter older than the twins? He looks younger now.
Bree's eyebrows/face in general are so messed up now - she really does look like the joker. I expected her to walk in to Orson at the dining room table and say "Why so serious???"
How come Susan is never watching her son? She is always coming in and out of hte house, or going out to the bar, or effing her boyfriend, and the kid is never anywhere to be found. Especially when she went to the bar to see Mike - where was that little bastard?!?!
I thought Tom was really funny - it's good to see he got his balls back from Lynette in the past 5 years. The part about waiting for the son to kill him and blind himself, and then when he ran away to make sure one of the parents survived to raise the surviving twin. Comic gold!
13 of 23 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:50 AM
Ok, by now you've probably realized I'm trying to get your comment count up. :)
I can't wait for the Katherine and Mrs. McClusky Detective Agency to start solving the Mystery Dave case.
Good idea, Cherie! That's exactly what Orson should've done, especially since Bree seems to be taking him for granted as a hubby. Isn't Katherine single? It's not a mature route to go but it would probably bring on the much-needed boost of drama for this season.
And I don't feel even a tiny bit sorry for Bree. You just know part of Bree's wedding vows to Orson was to cherish him until death do they part with a lifetime's worth of homemade pot roast.
14 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 10, 2008 7:57 AM
DPHooker, good point about the single P boy being older than the twins. I wondered the same thing...Maybe the casting agency came across the red-headed Matt Damons and couldn't resist putting them on the show, even if it meant throwing the Continuity Fairy under the bus.
15 of 23 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on October 10, 2008 8:03 AM
I actually like Jackson - he's like a breath of fresh air on that lame show. I mean - a bunch of aging bitches in a continuous cat fight?! Gimme a break! And bring on a nice, hot new guy. One who's not overweight (like Carlos), wrinkled (Mike), dumb (Orson), boring (Tom), or has beige hair (snort!).
Well, I'm off to rent the first season of Queer as Folk - can't wait to watch Gale Harold in something else. He's definitely my new love interest :-)
16 of 23 | Posted by Booker | Posted on October 10, 2008 10:11 AM
Nope. They have it right with the boys ages. Parker is younger than the twins. I think its only by a year, but now that they are older it looks like a wider gap.
I have to say all the Queer As Folk cracks keeps a girl laughing. I was obsessed with that show when it was on, but I have to admit that it was a horribly written even more horribly acted wreck, but I still tuned in each episode. That ep where the club got bombed was so, unintentionally, funny. I still laugh thinking about it. BTW what is beefcake?
17 of 23 | Posted by ReeseWitherspoon | Posted on October 10, 2008 11:11 AM
Uh, can you BAN people from this site cause if you can I got a name for you.
The guy from QUEER AS FOLK needs to work on his sex appeal. Right now he has ZERO sex appeal. None. Nada. Nothing. If he lasts till the end of the season maybe he'll have as much as Orson (if he acts really hard and if we don't have to look at his face).
18 of 23 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 10, 2008 12:15 PM
To all wonder, the twins' names are Porter and Preston and they are older than Parker. Hence, why he still looks younger. Because he is.
Reference the 3rd season, where the boys state their age to their grandmother and Parker is younger than they are. As well, in the very first season finale (I think) Tom and Lynette move in (in a flashback) and she is pregnant for the first time - with twins.
I too, have issues with Dave's hair colour. When he was cleaning out the gutters, I remember thinking to myself "...his hair is BEIGE!".
Great recap! And Hypnotoad (love the name, BTW) I've got some trivia for you - every single episode title is named after a song from a Sondheim musical except for a handful.
I got that "Dirty Laundry" book for Christmas - the behind the scenes of Desperate Housewives one - so you can all stop thinking about what a loser I am. It was a GIFT! ;)
19 of 23 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 10, 2008 12:44 PM
Also, YES for my shoutout! Merci, merci.
What can I say? I'm a Shakespeare buff.
But you would probably say "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." Haha.
20 of 23 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 10, 2008 12:55 PM
Yay! I heart you Hypnotoad for putting me in the recap! I leapt out of my chair and squealed! haha
georgiababe---I totally have that book too! And the Dirty Laundry Season 1 game. And the DH computer game. They were all gifts, but I'm not gonna lie, I would've bought 'em for myself anyway. My obsession with the show even lead to me writing a paper in a highschool lit class during season one that compared the show to the novel we read. I'm pathetically crazy about the show but I wouldn't have it any other way! :)
21 of 23 | Posted by aman | Posted on October 10, 2008 12:55 PM
Also, one last thing. (I should really think these through before I comment, huh?)
I think it was Silverfizz or whatever. I heard Silverface, actually, but I'm assuming that they didn't use a real site because then they wouldn't have to pay royalties like they would have if they had used the name MySpace or Facebook or whatever. I'm assuming both of those sites have copyrighted names.
22 of 23 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 10, 2008 1:01 PM
Holy crap! This thing just blew up today!
Yeah, the twins are older than Parker, but I think people thought that Parker was older because he was more mature than the twins, and he got a lot more screen time (come on, wasn't the kid who played Parker just adorable? I loved the episode where he got all curious about the lady parts!). I would have forgiven the continuity gap if they would have left Parker the same age and let that kid continue.
Oh, Gale Harold. There seem to be quite a few fans on here. Good on ya. I, however, do not prefer him, but it's all good-natured fun. I don't *prefer* beefcake per se, but there's something about him, I don't know what, that makes me not attracted to Gale at all. Then again, I have a huge crush on David Schwimmer, so there you go. I know, I know...
Georgiababe - Yeah, I knew all the ep titles were based on either Sondheim songs or lyrics. I'm only familiar with a few Sondheim musicals, so it's nice when I recognize them. And no problem for the shout-out, you english major you.
Aman - well, when you're right, you're right, right? You totally hit the nail on the head with that one, so how could I not mention it? Kudos, friend.
23 of 23 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 10, 2008 1:25 PM