Mary Alice blahs about Dave and how he wanted to be forgiven. Did he, Mary Alice? DID HE!?! He then records himself confessing about how he, "didn't want to kill M.J. Delfino." Relax, it's prime time -- kids and dogs never die in prime time. I'm sure this was meant to shock us, but I'm willing to bet 95% of the audience went, "Whaaaa . . . Meh," after hearing that. I mean really, he was in like 5 episodes, and clearly neither Mike nor Susan care about him at all. He then goes on to say that people deserved to suffer, and that's why he killed M.J. and not Susan. Because he wanted us, the audience, to suffer the most, and that's why Susan will be around for another 2 or 3 years. Diabolical, Dave. We walked right into your trap. Touche, Beige Man. Touche. Dave's confession is interrupted by the doorbell -- it's M.J., who got a new tackle box for the fishing trip on Saturday. Aww, how cute, Li'l M.J.! You die now. Credits.

The better to gut you with, my dear.

So, Mary Alice sets us back on the case of the nightclub fire. Hey, thanks, Mary Alice. Cuz it's not like that happened half a year ago or anything. Anyway, turns out there was one dead body in the fire that they couldn't identify, but then they could because it turned out Dr. Heller's car was impounded, and the cops put two and two together, and figured out the John Doe was Dr. Heller. And it only took 6 months to do this. Man, those Fairview cops are on the ball! At Dr. Heller's office, they interview his receptionist, a.k.a. Lynette's long-lost sister, but she's all, I've gotten texts from him for months now, a-holes! The cops are all, "Hmmm. Maybe we should text back." The people of Fairview can sleep well tonight knowing these guys are on the case. By which I mean a case of Natural Light.

Back at Dave's house, his cell vibrates, but he's not there to pick it up because he's over at Susan's (and I don't know what it is, but Teri Hatcher is looking kind of lovely right now. I know I'm supposed to be all mean and shit, but I'm gonna call 'em like I see 'em) trying to convince her to come to The Fishing Trip of Doom. She's worried about Jackson, but Dave tells her to come fishing because it's "nature's tranquilizers." Ain't that the truth. Every summer I'd go fishing with my dad in Colorado, and after 2 minutes, I was all, "Ummmm . . . yeah. This? I'm done with it. I'm gonna go climb on those rocks and read my Archie comics." Susan hasn't heard from him and wants to be at home in case something happens. Dave, the persistent bastard, is all, you can't let down M.J., Susan. Which Susan thinks is kind of creepy. But just kind of.

The writers, hard at work.

One of The Damons is trying to convince Lynette to let him go to Europe for 6 months after graduation. I had no idea the twins were seniors. Sucks for those actors, though, cuz I'm sure they're gone after this season and the best they'll get is a shout-out in next year's season premiere, like Lynette will say, "I got a phone call from Preston at Northwestern! It's too bad Porter got run over on the Matterhorn track at Disneyland. We got a nice settlement, though. Tom blew it all on his stupid dreams and goals, though. I'm going to go yell at him. Toodles!"

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