This Week on Desperate Housewives: Lynette's boobs are huge! Ana admits she has feelings for a now creepy John, which makes Gabby loco. Bree actually does some catering work for a change. Katherine continues her long slide into the bell jar, and Julie wakes up from her coma, which makes Mary Alice blab on about secrets. AGAIN.
Mary Alice is like, "Bree Van de Kamp is having an affair." What? She is? I had no idea, Mary Alice, thank you! So Karl texts her about a booty call and there's a montage of Bree giving Katherine all these excuses to leave for said booty, like an aunt with shingles or a Sarah Palin NRA press conference.
Gotta get my colon cleansed and my face chiseled a bit. CYA!
But this morning when she walks into the Kitchen of Tomorrow, it turns out Katherine's been there since 3am, completing the entire job. It also turns out Katherine is completely insane, saying that she's in love with Mike and his marriage to Susan won't last. Now, as much as I want to see Susan in pain (although more physical than emotional), Kathy, you need to get a couple bottles of Jim Beam and get over it. Bree's like, Oh I can't help you finish because I have a teeth cleaning. And how will she be cleaning those teeth? Why, with Karl's penis of course! Credits.
Mary Alice tells us that people in the neighborhood have SECRETS. I swear, Mary Alice, if you say something about how much we don't know our neighbors, I swear to high heaven -- dammit! "We don't know our friends and neighbors nearly as well as we think we do." AAUGH! At the Bolens, Nick says he needs coffee. Dude, that is SOOO last week. Catch up, d-bag. Green Day says he wants to quit college, and Angie's like Um, one of us should have a diploma. Speaking as someone who has had 7 years of school, I can definitely say that a college degree is completely overrated. Look where it got me, peeps. Look where it got me.
Green Day is like, "No one talks to me at school." Dude, it's college, so why does it matter? Angie tells Nick that when her son's not happy, he tends to open his mouth and say stupid shit, so they have to make him happy. Just buy him one of those Atari thingies the kids are always talking about these days.
At the Scavo house, Lynette is complaining. So odd for her to do that. Only this time, she's complaining about herself. I know! Because she's pregnant, her boobs are "huge," and Tom's glad and horny and is all, "Call in sick! Kids get snow days, we could call it a 'Boob Day!'" Who the hell writes dialogue for Tom? Cuz he or she needs to be fired.
Gabby's on the phone with Carlos complaining about being a mother to Carlos's "demon spawn." When all of a sudden, who should pull up but John the Gardener, who has given Ana a ride home from work at the restaurant. Gabby is pissed off, and is all, Ana has homework, and that's what kids in high school have. John is like, Yeah you used to help me with mine. Oooh, burn. He says he was just giving her a ride home, and Gabby's like, "Do you give the busboys a ride home?" There's a very nice maybe-John-does-and-he's-bi pause, and Gabby says from now on SHE will be giving Ana a ride home from work.
With those eyebrows you've at least gotta wonder.
Remember Julie Mayer? The girl in a coma? Well, apparently Susan is going all Terry Schiavo on her ass and hasn't pulled the plug. What a waste of money and resources. But then again, if Julie died, who would call Susan out on her crazy shit? M.J.? Methinks not. So, Susan's at the hospital, watching Julie, when who should come in but Andrew Van de Kamp. Huh. His head is way bigger than I remembered. He kind of looks like Roger the Alien in one of his disguises -- I'm guessing the gay business man disguise. Andrew brought Julie some crappy flowers, and says that since Julie quit med school, he and Julie used to talk all the time. This is news to Susan, and when she finds out that Julie is a waitress now, things really get awkward. The worst part, though? When Andrew lets it slip that the guy Julie was seeing is married. Damn, Andrew! Dish, you queeny bitch!
Hopefully she'll wake up and tell your ass to get a hair cut.
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Comments (9)
I'm liking the insanity story line, although I'd prefer if it were switched - Katherine married Mike and it was Susan losing her mind.
1 of 9 | Posted by Clair | Posted on October 21, 2009 9:25 AM
Except that Susan lost her mind long ago. Like season 1, episode 1.
I said it before and I'll say it again: This season is LEAGUES ahead of last season's crap fest, but the stuff with Katherine is just plain silly. Sure, 1 or 2 episodes of her reacting crazily to the wedding is fine, but dragging it out over 5 or 6 episodes, or half or whole season . . . it's just too much. Also, Mary Alice is really, really getting on my nerves. She says the same crap every single week. I wish the writers could be just a little more inventive when writing her voice overs.
Every time I see the season 5 DVD in a store, I get pissed off. Once I actually flipped it off. What a waste. I'm just going to pretend it never happened, skip right over it, and go to season 6.
2 of 9 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 21, 2009 10:17 AM
Also, even though the mystery this season is better than last year's, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's fantastic. They need to do something other than "the-new-family-moves-in-and-has-a-deep-dark-secret" thing that they've done for the past 5 seasons (technically, Orson wasn't new during season 3, but it's still sort of the same thing.). My hope is that, in the last season at least, they go back to the Young family and bookend that.
3 of 9 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 21, 2009 10:24 AM
Ugh, I meant the past 4 seasons, not 5 -- the first season's Mystery Family already lived there. And that was the best Mystery of all. Carry on.
4 of 9 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 21, 2009 10:33 AM
You know the conversation the Tom and Lynette had about compromising and big tatas? I thought it sounded way too familiar too and I think that it is from last season (I think) when Tom wanted plastic surgery to look younger for his job searching but Lynette was all like, "No your wrinkle are what makes me feel like you aren't too perfect for me." Same crap.
I've been popping in the past seasons on DVD and watching them as I'm going to sleep at night the last few months and I've come to realize that I really, REALLY do not like Lynette. She is absolutely insufferable. I would even take Susan over her, and she annoys the life right out of me.
But Gaby...well I love her. :)
5 of 9 | Posted by aman | Posted on October 21, 2009 10:41 AM
No matter what's going on with the season, Hypno, you are on fire!!!! A laugh riot thru and thru!!!! It's amazing how many words for bazumbah's there are, eh? I think this recap is a master class, and I wish I could single out one you forgot ( would dopplegangers count?)
Oddly enough, Gabby is great this season, I never knew I could like her, but watching her parent Ana so well is a pleasant surprise, and watching Ana respond is not at all where I thought they would go with her.
No one does Krazy like Kathy, so I'm fine with her off the deep end, I just hope she does more than destroy cake--the problem for me . . . MIKE . . . the dullest bulb on the xmas tree . . . hoooooest hum, just can't believe he could drive someone to distraction.
As to Julie, I do kind of like her being human and all, and I actually like Susan being the stupid tart she always is, and a big no wonder. Must have been Angie who choked her, coz she knew about the affair--totally can't see those two together--John looks 10 years older, Julie, not so much. Why isn't Mcklusky on the case . . . I want more Mcklusky . . . eps in light of no Edie.
And where the hell was Karl--I'm afraid he is the best part of the affair, and should not be wasted, esp with the lack of male exploitation this season (see Carlos shirtless-NOT)
So, I hope Krazy Kathy kidnaps Susan and does horrible things to her. I hope Mike falls in a cesspool and dies. I hope Karl and Bree release a sex tape . . . .and hm, I hope a giant hole opens in the earth and and Lynette and co fall in!
6 of 9 | Posted by juddfan | Posted on October 21, 2009 11:06 AM
so, i'm aware reality is not the goal here (witness...everything and that's why i watch) but 2 things were distractingly incongruous this episode. 1. if money is such an issue to fix the scars, why does drea have rolls of cash to throw parties and buy clothes. i know surgery is more expensive than those things but it's called savings. to literally discuss lack of funds in clothing with tags hanging out seems indicative of what's wrong with household debt. and 2, if ana needed a ride to work from john, why can she independently show up to bust gabby and return home before her? i get dramatic license but these things were just annoyingly ridiculous. obviously in good plot device company but had to vent.
7 of 9 | Posted by ace2008 | Posted on October 21, 2009 6:39 PM
Maybe Angie is one of those people who will buy stuff to make her happy instead of paying the electric bill or something. I don't know. But that's a good point. But a better point is the other one you made. I didn't think about that, but totally. Maybe Ana took Fairview mass transit. Add that one to the "cross off Julie's unnamed, unheard of to the police lover off the suspect list" quandry.
Also, I've been spelling it "Gabby," when I think there should only be one "b." But old habits die hard, so I won't be giving that up.
Aman - I've been watching season 1, and I'm loving Lynette in that season. Actually, I loved all the gals in season 1, except Gabby. She's the only one who's had to grow on me. The thing I like about season 1 is that all the gals had to sort of play armchair detective to figure everything out. We're lucky if the four of them are even seen together anymore, let alone have any interest in solving things. I don't have season 4 on DVD, I should get it, just to see how much Katherine has changed in this little time.
8 of 9 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 22, 2009 8:27 PM
I'm watching season 1 (actually, literally right now) and the shirtless man candy is bountiful. Except for Mark Moses (Paul Young) who I have an odd crush on. I find him extremely sexy - don't ask me why. Anyway, what the hell happened, Cherry? I'm extremely upset regarding the prevalence of shirts on men these past few seasons.
9 of 9 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on October 24, 2009 2:18 PM