Mary Alice blahs about judgement as Gabby judges people who walk by, and then she judges the gay guys who are fighting on their lawn about, I don't know, who looks better in a Bob Mackie: Cher or Barbra. Because that's really all gay men care about.

I think it's morning, because it looks like it and Gabby just got her mail, but she goes inside and pours herself a glass of red wine. But hey, I'M not going to judge, unlike you Mary Alice, you harpy. She hears a thud, which can only mean one thing: Juanita. Turns out Juannie Sue and her little friend were sliding down the stairs in a suitcase. Fun! No, seriously, that sounds like fun! We used to do that with cardboard boxes. Oh my god, when my parents got a new washer and dryer and then a refrigerator?! Those were like the best weeks of my life.

The other girl, Susie Buzzkill, seems a bit hurt, and Gabby's like What did I tell you about doing that? Juannie Sue: "Um, not to use the good suitcase?" Ha! Then Mrs. Buzzkill comes in and yells at Gabby for not watching the kids, and Gabby's like, "I gotta say -- Laura? You're kind of a wet blanket since you quit smoking. You might want to try a pipe." Ha! I think it's time Eva Longoria Parker was nominated for an Emmy, y'all, because that chica is H-I-LARious! Oooh, dip, Mrs. Buzzkill calls Gabby a bad mother, and Gabby retaliates by saying that it was a pity play date. As Juanita would say, Oooohhh snap! And now the little ex-friend isn't coming to Juanita's birthday party. Credits.

I KNOW YOU USED TO BE FIVE POUNDS OVERWEIGHT

So, MIke and Susan pull up in their driveway with Julie, who is back from the hospital, and everyone on Wisteria Lane is there. It's like the end of freaking Pollyanna when everyone from the entire town shows up and gives Hayley Mills pieces of glass to see rainbows on the wall, and she's like, "Oh, thanks. This'll help me walk again, for sure. Stupid bastards. Push the radio in here, I wanna hear my stories."

Anyway, Li'l M.J. holds a welcome home sign, but what I'm really interested in is Bob's arms as he squats next to him. Damn, Tuc Watkins is so fine. Yum. Other people brought brownies and flowers, and the whole thing is in slow-mo and seems weird like the end of Carrie, and of course Nick Bolen is there with his short sleeve flannel shirt and wife beater. Way to dress up, a-hole. Inside the house he's all, I was worried about you, but Julie's like, It's over, I mean it. Green Day sees this and leaves. Bree tells the girls -- I guess Angie is part of the group now -- that she let Katherine go and lets it slip that Katherine hit on MIke, which nobody knew about, and then Susan confronts Mike about it, and he says it's no big deal and he loves her. Whew. I'm glad that's the end of that and that we'll never hear about this plot line again. Except, you know, in every episode of this season.

Bree is dressed like the President of Clown Bank right now.

And now Nick goes outside to talk to Green Day about what he saw, and does anyone else think Nick is pretty much Mark from Roseanne 15 years later? Cuz I do. Green Day -- who has chest hair, I'm noticing -- says that he feels like an idiot for fighting with Julie because he was interested and says that he'll tell Angie if he sees Julie and Nick together again. But then Nick's like, Suck on this -- Let's go tell your mom now, huh? Huh?! He's all, You think your mother's the good one in this marriage? Do ya? Huh? Then Angie interrupts because they're getting ready to cut Julie's "Congrats on Waking Up From Your Coma!" cake, which I hope has a icing picture of a cute little penguin lying on a hospital bed with a nightcap on his head.

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