This week on Desperate Housewives: Lynette finds out about Julie and Nick; Gabby keeps trying to teach Juanita; Susan goes to the cops about Katherine and has a blast from the past (and no, it's not Jackson, thank god - I hope those days are over); and Bree and Angie bond over pasta and secrets. Also, Nick's the only one who takes his shirt off tonight, so prepare yourself.
Secret 1: Hire an Italian. You're too white to pull this off.
First of all, there's no alcohol in the house, and I don't feel like going to get any, so the only thing getting me through this recap is Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi. Wheeeee. Good thing I'm super tired and totally listless! Second of all, did you know you can watch Desperate Housewives on Hulu now? Third of all, this week's episode on Hulu is sponsored by uber-tool Jack Johnson and some kids he inspired . . . to never want to play guitar in their lives. Let's get to the recap, kids.
Mary Alice starts us off this week with a tale about Julie Mayer. It seems Julie's having trouble sleeping, since she keeps dreaming of Nick, and, well, I don't know why. Look, I don't have anything against the actor who plays him (I'm too tired to look it up online), but clearly, when it comes to the men of Wisteria Lane, he's the "other" in "one of these things is not like the other." And yet, Cherry and Co. treat us to a montage of Nick, including a scene in his garden where I can't tell if Nick is dirty or has weird patches of arm, shoulder, and body hair.
Take a shower. Or shave. Or something.
Julie and Nick met and then they met again, and then they were doing it. Nick takes off his shirt, and while it's not on par with, I don't know, any guy on this show, it's less unpleasant than I thought it would be.
Anysnooch, Julie thought she might be with child, so she broke it off. But Mary Alice tells us that "some men can't take no for an answer." Wilmer Valderrama? No, I guess Nick's one of those guys. So, he goes inside to yell at Julie for breaking off their little tryst, and Lynette, choosing the wrong moment to care about someone other than herself, walks right up to the front door to overhear the fracas. Lynette knocks on the door and tells Julie that she's just dropping off that "band candy that [they] bought from Penny." Julie's like, Um, who the hell is Penny? After Nick leaves, Julie lets it slip that Nick is the man that almost knocked her up and Lynette's like, Why did you tell me?! Julie wants to stop loving him, but she's having a hard time doing that. But Lynette's like, I'll take care of it. And she won't tell Susan. And I don't believe Lynette. And then we have the credits.
Boy did I pick the wrong time to actually act like a mother.
Juanita plops The Fairview Home Schooling Workbook on the dining room table. I'm sure the book is full of great lessons, for example, "How Much Cash Should You Give to Your Gay Son As You Abandon Him On the Road Side After He Slept With Your Boyfriend?" and "Chaining Your Retarded Son to the Basement Wall: Stainless Steel or Proof Coil Links?" or "So You've Had Yet Another Baby. Again. Why Not Give Him/Her a Name That Begins With a 'P'?" But Juannie Sue ain't havin' none of that book learnin' mess so she throws it on the floor. Just like she did last week with some other book. Um, Ana anyone? Cherry? Remember Ana?
Juanita hates fractions because they're boring (word, li'l skank), but Gabby's like, I'll take your doll and chop her into thirds and crap, but Carlos comes home (why is Gabby trying to teach her at 5pm?) and gets pissed. Gabby says she needs help what with all the housework plus the teaching, and also the whining. Whining is about 80% of Gabby's day. 85% if you count complaining, and I know you do. Carlos says he'll hire a housekeeper, but Gabby wants a tutor, and where the fuck is Ana?! I mean, seriously, damn. Not that I cared for her, at all, but sheesh, what, she just left John's restaurant and walked into another dimension? Damn.
Do your math or you will disappear, brat!
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Comments (4)
"Kramer shirts" - hee hee!
It drives me crazy that Angie keeps alllll her hair pushed to the front. We get it, you have a lot of hair... now get it off your chest and away from your throat.
Great recap, Hypnotoad!
1 of 4 | Posted by Clair | Posted on November 12, 2009 9:35 AM
Well, thanks again, Clair!
Now that you mention it, Angie DOES have a lot of hair, and she DOES just sort of wear it in front of her chest.
This is the second episode where Katherine was seen but not heard.
(MINI-SPOILERS AHOY!)
Maybe she's that "fan favorite" that Cherry's planning to kill off during sweeps.
Yes people, Cherry's going to kill again. First, it was Nicolette Sheridan. And now? Who knows? My bet is he'll kill McC or Katherine. Or good taste.
2 of 4 | Posted by Hypnotoad | Posted on November 12, 2009 8:29 PM
Kill'em all... let God sort'em out...
Great recap!
3 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 13, 2009 7:15 AM
Great as always... You know when I was in band I delivered the stuff I sold not my mom... Also I had forgot about Ana... so thanks for the reminder.
4 of 4 | Posted by gsensel | Posted on November 20, 2009 11:16 AM