Oh, dip -- Gabby wants Carlos to get a vasectomy! Flash forward to the present, which is actually the future, and Gabby and Carlos are walking to the party. Now, let's all think about what the two of them were fighting about in the beginning of this episode, shall we? I don't think we need Jessica Fletcher to tell us what that's all about. Although it would be cool if she showed up with Sheriff Amos Tupper, just so McCluskey would have someone to flirt with. As they walk, they discuss how Gabby may be pregnant, but that's impossible(!) because Carlos had a vasectomy. Gabby says she's going to talk to Bob about it, since he's a lawyer and she can sue the son of a bitch doctor who botched it when he snipped Carlos's junk. Oh, how I envy that doctor - seeing Carlos's . . . oh, my. I just got the vapors. But yay! The gay dudes are going to be in this episode! Carlos doesn't want to Gabby to talk to Bob because . . . he never got a vasectomy. Who's surprised? No one, that's who.
Why does everyone around me keep dying?
Mary Alice voiceovers as Susan "does" her eyebrows in the mirror. She pretty much says that Susan's "doing" her eyebrows in the mirror. Thanks, Mary "Completely Obvious and Therefore Totally Not Needed Voiceover" Alice. Jackson comes in, all in a hurry, and Susan tells him she needs him to "pour the cheap vodka in the expensive bottles." Ha! I'm totally doing that at my next party. Y'all gonna be thinking you got some sweet Skyy with your tonic, but really, it'll be that Viaka crap that comes in a plastic bottle.
Ugh, Jackson, cut your hair! My friend Sarah's girlfriend, Patty, had that exact same haircut, and she rocked it hardcore, but Jackson, honey - no. Supercuts. I'm sure there's one on the way home. Speaking of home, Jackson complains about having to go home to get clothes or something? I'm not really sure. Damn, Jackson's high maintenance. Susan offers to clear out some closet space. Why not just give him Julie's closet, Susan? Because you haven't mentioned her once this season and clearly, you don't give two shits about her anymore. You probably turned her bedroom into an office, you remorseless harpy! Jackson says he wants to move in with Susan. Flashback to when Jackson first arrived at Susan's, and they're talking about changing the paint in her bedroom. Jackson says that the room smells good, and Susan turns that into something all about her, and accuses Jackson of coming on to her. Susan apologizes and hires him on the spot.
I'm off to search for Zelda now.
Geez! We're thrown into another flashback so fast that I think I got whiplash! Expect a stern letter from my lawyer, Cherry. Susan and Mike are at a lawyer's office, signing the divorce papers. Uh-oh, Suzy-Q's got second thoughts, but Mike's laying down the law. Susan says they can get back to the place they were before the accident, and has a mini-breakdown about how things used to be. Mike says the only way to make things right again is to get divorced. He signs the papers and leaves. Ouchies, Suzy-Q. Harsh.
When she gets back, Jackson is painting the kitchen wall. What's more interesting? The paint or Jackson? I'm going with the paint. Susan asks him if he likes scotch, but what she really means to ask him is if he'd like to see her naughty bits, because we cut to them post-coitus. They talk about how they both want to keep it casual. And we flashback to now, which is really the future . . . man, this is too much. Suffice to say it's the night of the party. Susan says no to Jackson moving in (atta girl!), and Jackson's all, "I think I love you." Then what are you so afraid of, Jackson? Are afraid that you're not sure of . . . a love there is no cure for? Isn't that what life is made of? I know it worries you to say that you've never felt this way. Dang. That song is really, really stupid. Commercials.
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Comments (16)
I love your recaps so much. They're funny as hell and actually tell enough of the story so that people like me who are incapable of remebering that its on can be in the know!
Bravo!
1 of 16 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on October 29, 2008 12:20 PM
"Or, maybe she missed her period. Do women actually write those down in a date book?"
YES!
You try accurately remembering something that happens every 29 days. Since you were 12...
2 of 16 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on October 29, 2008 12:30 PM
REGARDING:
Yes, I am that guy at the party who stands in front of the food table, shoving cheese and crackers in my face, only pausing to take a swig of my Miller Lite, or to say, "Holy crap, have you tried the brie? Ohmigosh it's SO good! And these mini cheesecakes! So. Freaking. Awesome."
Okay, I suspect you're EVEN FATTER than I thought you were. Remember you want to look like Carlos not Louie Anderson. Carlos: Turn on.
Louie Anderson: Turn off.
3 of 16 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 29, 2008 12:35 PM
I'm EVEN FATTER than you thought? How fat did you think I was before? Rude. And now I'm so self-conscious that I'm forced to buy generic Slim-Fast at my Dominick's.
I'm just big-boned, you bastard!
4 of 16 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 29, 2008 2:41 PM
Okay, now you're making me laugh.
I'm sure you have a beautiful personality and you're a wonderful conversationalist.
I was wrong about you being FATTER than I thought. I'm sure you're Twiggy-esque.
(P.S. from your writting, I also thought you had a rash on your butt and sweated a lot but I'm sure I'm wrong about that too!)
My apologies, Mr. Hypnotoad.
5 of 16 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 29, 2008 4:11 PM
Wow, thanks for that heartfelt apology.
6 of 16 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 29, 2008 6:08 PM
While I was watching DH I kept thinking that I don't get a dopey zoned-out look on my face and stare off into nothingness everytime I remember something from my past. I'm glad you were on the same page with the whole looking in a mirror thing. LAME.
And I totally DON'T keep track of my monthly buddy visits. I probably should, but I figure it would be more exciting to go into labor after nine-months of not realizing I'm preggers.
Love your recaps!!!!!
7 of 16 | Posted by aman | Posted on October 29, 2008 6:57 PM
Brilliant! Personally I have had a hard time getting into this show, but you're making it nice and easy for me to figure things out, so I thank you. Great job hypnotoad! I have to love you for that last line and respond thusly... "It looks just like Skinny'N'Sweet... except for the little skull and crossbones on the label!"
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Louie Anderson is sexy if he keeps his mouth closed and you can't see his teefs... :)
8 of 16 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 30, 2008 10:27 AM
Mary Alice: "It wouldn't be long now before he [Dave] destroyed the man who had ruined his life. But he knew he had to move carefully. After all, he wanted it to be a surprise."
So, does anyone else think BeigeDave is gunning for Mike bc Mike & SkeleHatcher killed his rels in the auto accident at the top of the season?
If so, what does getting old lady McClusky outa the way have to do with his fiendish plot?!
9 of 16 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on October 30, 2008 4:18 PM
Haven't finished the recap, but yes DMG, I too suspect that Mike is the guy that Dave is after and I have a feeling it relates to the accident.
So far as I know, McClusky just had to be out of there because she was the only one who suspected that he was less than sincere - not sure if it's anything beyond that, but maybe it is.
10 of 16 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 30, 2008 6:28 PM
Agree that this episode was pretty blah. I wonder what's been happening to the writers? They've gotten super lazy for the past two seasons...
I wonder - why would the neighbours automatically believe Dave over McCluskey? I mean, I know that McCluskey was kind of spitting her words out like a maniac, but she'd already mentioned to Katherine that she was sure that he was up to something - couldn't Katherine clue in?
Also, PROPS to you sir, for the Albee/Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? shoutout.
I LOVE Albee - I've played both Martha and Mommy (from his The American Dream) and even though the man is messed, it's hilariously interesting.
11 of 16 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 30, 2008 11:15 PM
Word on 2 things, peeps:
I am so on board the Dave Hates Mike For Killing His Family And Will Destroy Him Garage Band Style train. Especially since he was so adamant about Mike being in the band. It seems SO obvious, but the writers and/or Cherry have been so lazy (read: bad) this season that I wouldn't be surprised in the least. Nor would the 3 million people watching this show. Lame. But that's the only explanation. Unless he wants to ruin Jackson's life because of that awful haircut. Get in line, Dave!
I wonder if the Dave plot will last all season, or if they'll solve it in the middle and then give us something interesting for the other half.
And I too was a little pissed that no one really came to McCluskey's defense. And yeah, georgiababe, especially Katherine. But that would have given her 11 lines instead of 10, and Cherry ain't cool with that.
Oh, you guys, what happened? I used to LOVE this show, even last season, but the magic's just not there anymore.
12 of 16 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 31, 2008 11:56 AM
"So, does anyone else think BeigeDave is gunning for Mike bc Mike & SkeleHatcher killed his rels in the auto accident at the top of the season?"
My thoughts exactly! I figure it was either his wife and daughter or sister and niece. I kinda hope that's not it because it's just too predictable and I'd really like to see a big surprise twist this season.
13 of 16 | Posted by Wild Heart | Posted on November 4, 2008 12:49 PM
"Or, maybe she missed her period. Do women actually write those down in a date book? Or is that just a TV thing? Discuss."
www. mycycle . com
14 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:31 PM
Is it just me or did the writers' strike really mess up a lot of shows, as in...Vacation = loss of creativity?
Time to play devil's advocate - Yes, Mike is the obvious target of Dave's not-so-fiendish plot of destruction, but wouldn't he also be targeting Susan if it's about that car accident?
Also, Hypnotoad, you're so awesome for the Leif Garrett reference. Did you know him and Nicolette Sheridan lived together...when she was FIFTEEN? "I think they loved" each other. ;)
15 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:50 PM
Oops, sorry 'bout the bad grammar. Just woke up after watching this show...
16 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:52 PM