Who will be next on our whirlwind tour of flashbacks? It's Lynette. She's checking for gray hairs in the mirror. I know, because Mary Alice tells me so. She sees Penny outside, sitting in the front seat of her dad's convertible. The li'l darlin' asks if her daddy's dying because Porter and Preston were arguing about who gets Tom's car when he dies. Lynette puts out this fire, and we're treated to yet another flashback. Lynette's at the hospital. Turns out Tom had a shock at the restaurant. Literally, cuz he was doing electric work. Now the doctor's gotta tinker with his ticker. Tom's all emotional on the hospital bed, saying that there's got to be more to his life than pizza. Oh, but there is, Tom! There's breadsticks and salad!
I don't remember there being grey hairs in this wig, but I might as well check.
And another flash-back/forward to when Tom got his convertible. Lynette ain't happy about it, but Lynette ain't happy about much when it comes to Tom. He breaks out the But-I-Almost-Died! Card, and she shuts her yap. Back to the night of the party. Tom pulls up just in time for McCluskey's party and tells Lynette that a.) he got an offer from someone who wants to buy the restaurant, and b.) he wants to use the money to buy an R.V. You can practically see the steam coming from Lynette's ears. Orson and Bree walk briskly by, clearly pissed off.
Commercials. Let's use this time to figure out what Bree will be doing in front of the mirror. My money's on her taking off her wig to reveal (gasp!) a hideous scar! You blew up Melrose Place, you crazy bitch! Ah. Sorry. I just realized it's not 1995, I'm not a sophomore in high school, and I'm not watching Fox. Bree "not Kimberly" Hodge is actually putting mascara on in front of the mirror. And her hair looks fabulous. You can't even see the hideous scar. Orson's all dressed up for Bree's announcement of Orson as her partner in the baking biz. Bree's not down with that, because she hasn't told Katherine yet. Why is it so difficult, Orson asks? Oh, it's a long story, Orson . . . one that requires tinkly music and a lighting change and a fadeout. You know, I wish they'd use those squiggly lines that they used for flashbacks in Saved By the Bell. Those were so much more awesome.
Nice Teri Hatcher impression. Now stop being rude.
In the past, Orson finishes a glass of champagne as Bree hosts a small brunch, with Katherine, Bob and Lee as guests. Yay! Tuc Watkins has his shirt on, which is wrong, just wrong. Turns out the brunch is the day before Orson goes to jail. Everyone makes obvious jail jokes, which makes Bree a little pissed. So pissed, that she goes to the kitchen and downs a glass of champagne. Someone just hopped back on the drinkin' wagon!
A couple days or weeks or months or years later, Katherine walks into Bree's bedroom to wake her from her drunken stupor. Over coffee in the kitchen, Bree says that because of Orson going off to jail and Danielle taking Benjamin, she started drinking again. Katherine says that Bree needs to fill her void with work and stuff instead of alcohol, and to help Bree, Katherine's moving in to whip her lily-white Conservative ass into shape. When Katherine had nothing, she says, Bree made her a partner and gave her something to live for. Aw, that's sweet. So, back to the night of the party. Bree doesn't want to put Katherine in a bad position; Orson doesn't care, so Bree says that he's fired. I'm sure Orson will handle it like an adult. An adult that wears Pampers instead of underwear.
Exhibit A: Gay people are still on the show.
Finally. We're at the party. Mary Alice voiceovers about the party as if she's reading a book to us at bedtime. Dave brings in the cake and looks in the mirror. I wonder what that means. Sure enough, we flashback to a few weeks earlier. Dave catches McCluskey going through his mail, and he asks Edie about her when he gets inside. Turns out, her 70th birthday is coming up. Dave says that they should throw a party, but Edie doesn't want stinky McCluskey in their house. So, she says Susan could throw it.
Dave wants to make sure McCluskey's party is special. Flash-forward to the party for 2 seconds to see Dave's face in the mirror. Pointless.
I was hoping for a little pre-beige hair action myself.
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Comments (16)
I love your recaps so much. They're funny as hell and actually tell enough of the story so that people like me who are incapable of remebering that its on can be in the know!
Bravo!
1 of 16 | Posted by MrsBojangles | Posted on October 29, 2008 12:20 PM
"Or, maybe she missed her period. Do women actually write those down in a date book?"
YES!
You try accurately remembering something that happens every 29 days. Since you were 12...
2 of 16 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on October 29, 2008 12:30 PM
REGARDING:
Yes, I am that guy at the party who stands in front of the food table, shoving cheese and crackers in my face, only pausing to take a swig of my Miller Lite, or to say, "Holy crap, have you tried the brie? Ohmigosh it's SO good! And these mini cheesecakes! So. Freaking. Awesome."
Okay, I suspect you're EVEN FATTER than I thought you were. Remember you want to look like Carlos not Louie Anderson. Carlos: Turn on.
Louie Anderson: Turn off.
3 of 16 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 29, 2008 12:35 PM
I'm EVEN FATTER than you thought? How fat did you think I was before? Rude. And now I'm so self-conscious that I'm forced to buy generic Slim-Fast at my Dominick's.
I'm just big-boned, you bastard!
4 of 16 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 29, 2008 2:41 PM
Okay, now you're making me laugh.
I'm sure you have a beautiful personality and you're a wonderful conversationalist.
I was wrong about you being FATTER than I thought. I'm sure you're Twiggy-esque.
(P.S. from your writting, I also thought you had a rash on your butt and sweated a lot but I'm sure I'm wrong about that too!)
My apologies, Mr. Hypnotoad.
5 of 16 | Posted by Mr Dangerous | Posted on October 29, 2008 4:11 PM
Wow, thanks for that heartfelt apology.
6 of 16 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 29, 2008 6:08 PM
While I was watching DH I kept thinking that I don't get a dopey zoned-out look on my face and stare off into nothingness everytime I remember something from my past. I'm glad you were on the same page with the whole looking in a mirror thing. LAME.
And I totally DON'T keep track of my monthly buddy visits. I probably should, but I figure it would be more exciting to go into labor after nine-months of not realizing I'm preggers.
Love your recaps!!!!!
7 of 16 | Posted by aman | Posted on October 29, 2008 6:57 PM
Brilliant! Personally I have had a hard time getting into this show, but you're making it nice and easy for me to figure things out, so I thank you. Great job hypnotoad! I have to love you for that last line and respond thusly... "It looks just like Skinny'N'Sweet... except for the little skull and crossbones on the label!"
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Louie Anderson is sexy if he keeps his mouth closed and you can't see his teefs... :)
8 of 16 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 30, 2008 10:27 AM
Mary Alice: "It wouldn't be long now before he [Dave] destroyed the man who had ruined his life. But he knew he had to move carefully. After all, he wanted it to be a surprise."
So, does anyone else think BeigeDave is gunning for Mike bc Mike & SkeleHatcher killed his rels in the auto accident at the top of the season?
If so, what does getting old lady McClusky outa the way have to do with his fiendish plot?!
9 of 16 | Posted by Donna Martin Graduates! | Posted on October 30, 2008 4:18 PM
Haven't finished the recap, but yes DMG, I too suspect that Mike is the guy that Dave is after and I have a feeling it relates to the accident.
So far as I know, McClusky just had to be out of there because she was the only one who suspected that he was less than sincere - not sure if it's anything beyond that, but maybe it is.
10 of 16 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 30, 2008 6:28 PM
Agree that this episode was pretty blah. I wonder what's been happening to the writers? They've gotten super lazy for the past two seasons...
I wonder - why would the neighbours automatically believe Dave over McCluskey? I mean, I know that McCluskey was kind of spitting her words out like a maniac, but she'd already mentioned to Katherine that she was sure that he was up to something - couldn't Katherine clue in?
Also, PROPS to you sir, for the Albee/Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? shoutout.
I LOVE Albee - I've played both Martha and Mommy (from his The American Dream) and even though the man is messed, it's hilariously interesting.
11 of 16 | Posted by georgiababe | Posted on October 30, 2008 11:15 PM
Word on 2 things, peeps:
I am so on board the Dave Hates Mike For Killing His Family And Will Destroy Him Garage Band Style train. Especially since he was so adamant about Mike being in the band. It seems SO obvious, but the writers and/or Cherry have been so lazy (read: bad) this season that I wouldn't be surprised in the least. Nor would the 3 million people watching this show. Lame. But that's the only explanation. Unless he wants to ruin Jackson's life because of that awful haircut. Get in line, Dave!
I wonder if the Dave plot will last all season, or if they'll solve it in the middle and then give us something interesting for the other half.
And I too was a little pissed that no one really came to McCluskey's defense. And yeah, georgiababe, especially Katherine. But that would have given her 11 lines instead of 10, and Cherry ain't cool with that.
Oh, you guys, what happened? I used to LOVE this show, even last season, but the magic's just not there anymore.
12 of 16 | Posted by hypnotoad | Posted on October 31, 2008 11:56 AM
"So, does anyone else think BeigeDave is gunning for Mike bc Mike & SkeleHatcher killed his rels in the auto accident at the top of the season?"
My thoughts exactly! I figure it was either his wife and daughter or sister and niece. I kinda hope that's not it because it's just too predictable and I'd really like to see a big surprise twist this season.
13 of 16 | Posted by Wild Heart | Posted on November 4, 2008 12:49 PM
"Or, maybe she missed her period. Do women actually write those down in a date book? Or is that just a TV thing? Discuss."
www. mycycle . com
14 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:31 PM
Is it just me or did the writers' strike really mess up a lot of shows, as in...Vacation = loss of creativity?
Time to play devil's advocate - Yes, Mike is the obvious target of Dave's not-so-fiendish plot of destruction, but wouldn't he also be targeting Susan if it's about that car accident?
Also, Hypnotoad, you're so awesome for the Leif Garrett reference. Did you know him and Nicolette Sheridan lived together...when she was FIFTEEN? "I think they loved" each other. ;)
15 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:50 PM
Oops, sorry 'bout the bad grammar. Just woke up after watching this show...
16 of 16 | Posted by blahblah | Posted on November 13, 2008 9:52 PM